My son is refusing to go pee and poo.
Honestly, I'd completely back off from potty training for now. You're right to be concerned about your ds developing negative associations, and your ds really isn't so old that it's a big deal to wait to potty train. This will give you time to work on his constipation issues, too.
Your ds probably needs to be on stool softener type laxatives daily until his bowel issues get under control. Stool softener type laxatives are safe for long-term daily use, years even (they are not habit-forming; the body does not become dependent on them like stimulant laxatives -- stimulant laxatives are often senna-based products tho' there are other types too). Some good products are Miralax, Benefiber, Milk of Magnesia, and Fiber Choice (with inulin). If you don't get good results with one, try another.
The longer that poop stays in the intestinal tract, the drier it gets as water gets sucked out of it in the intestines. Stool softener type laxatives help draw water back into the stool to keep it soft and easy to pass (and more difficult to withhold). When your ds poop is runny, it's possible that it's just runny stool oozing around a hard poop blockage, and that's why it's still painful. By keeping your ds on a stool softener, you can regulate his poop to keep it soft rather than having it be super hard, then super runny, then super hard again. Stimulant laxatives, enemas and suppositories treat the symptoms but don't solve the problem. Stool softener type laxatives address the root of the problem.
When poop builds up in the bowels/intestinal tract, it stretches out the bowels/intestinal tract, making the diameter of the poop much larger, which is even more painful and difficult to eliminate. Again, by keeping his poop soft, you prevent the poop from getting too big in diameter. It also prevents the bowels from getting so stretched out that they lose muscle tone, which creates other problems.
You said you've tried yogurt. Yogurt is good because it contains pro-biotics, the good bacteria that help improve the health of the digestive tract. You can get probiotic supplements at a good health food store, as chewables or powder that can be mixed into food/drink. Supplements contain a much higher content of pro-biotics than yogurt does. It often takes a couple of weeks to see if pro-biotic supplements are sufficient to reduce constipation.
My 14yo dd has suffered from severe constipation all of her life. Pro-biotics were nominally helpful but not enough to overcome her level of challenge. Ultimately we had to go to a pediatric gastroenterologist (GI doc) to get help for her problems. We've learned that she'll probably be on stool softener type laxatives all of her life since her problems seem to be neurologically based and not readily correctable. We feed her lots of fiber, but she still needs multiple doses of stool softener type laxatives daily to keep her bowels regular.
Thank you so much. That is the most information I have gotten from anyone (even the doctors). I have an appointment, with a new doctor on Tuesday and I now feel like I am armed with some knowledge of my own. Thank you again for your help.
Hooray! Brandon is now peeing on the potty again! It took a few tries to find something that was exciting enough to go pee for. Peeing on cheerio’s is apparently very exciting. Unfortunately he still hasn’t pooped so we still need some help for that. I’ll keep you posted.
Congrats on your positive progress! I'm glad you found something that worked (amazing how versatile cheerios are, huh?)!
At your doctor's appt, you might ask if they'd order an abdominal x-ray for your ds, to see if he's retaining too much poop. Many times the doctors want to feel/palpate the belly, but it is NOT an accurate indicator. In fact, the docs are almost always wrong when they palpate my dd belly -- even the very good doctors whom we love.
You might also ask whether your doc has experience with children who are chronic withholders, who have chronic constipation and/or encopresis (involuntary soiling, often as a result of chronic withholding or chronic constipation). You'll want someone who is experienced with these kinds of problems and who is willing to listen to you as the mom. Not all regular pediatricians deal with this level of constipation, so they don't necessarily have the best info on how to treat it. I also wasn't thrilled with our first GI doc 'cus even tho' he had a lot of experience, my dd problems weren't stereotypical, and he didn't want to believe that I knew what I was talking about with my dd. We later got another doc who listened better, and we finally started getting better help for dd problems.
Best wishes for continued success!
Over a week ago (when Brandon started refusing to pee) we took him in to emergency because we were so worried. At that time they finally x-rayed him and yes he was very backed up. They gave him an enema and a laxative and sent him on his way. It still took three days before he passed anything. I felt so frustrated because they didn’t give me any plan on how to deal with it long term and my own doctor wasn’t any better even though I have been complaining to him about it since Brandon was born. I hope the next doctor will be more help.