Resisting reward system

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2000
Resisting reward system
4
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 5:38pm

Hi. I began toilet teaching my dd seriously this past March '10. I had been potty training her since last Aug '09 with minimal success. I have no problems putting her on the potty until recently when I literally have to force her to go to the potty. She succeeded going to the potty this past April '10, and I didn't really have any success with her really until May 22, 2010 when she peed a cup. I used the spoonful of ice cream as a bribe, and now all of a sudden it doesn't work. A couple days later after her May 22nd success she started to refuse, and I finally caved in and started her on big girl panties on May 29th (she wore it the whole day including the time she was in Gymboree). Well, it worked kind of. She peed on and off, but now it's gotten to the point where we're not giving her any tv time or letting her play with the new toys that she got for her b-day today. Yes, she turned 4 on Thursday, and we just celebrated her b-day today. I think I tore her heart out, and it breaks my heart to do this.

Do you think I'm being too hard on her? I'm hoping that she'll start 3 day/wk pre-school this Fall '10, plus, my twin boys are due Sept 1st, so I feel like I'm pretty much pressed for time.

Any opinions?

Yaddiya

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2000
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 6:21pm

Actually, she just went poop in the potty with my dh. The other time she pooped it was maybe a drop of loose poop. My dh insisted that we only give her one b-day toy back, but I have to admit, I gave her her balloons, and three of her b-day toys back. I think my dh is being too hard on her.

BTW, after she pooped in the potty according to my dh she was fine, then she cried like she was scared. Is this normal?

Yaddiya

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2008
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 11:35am
It can be normal for a child to be 'frightened' the first time they poop in the potty. You also said that the other was a drop of liquid, could she be constipated? Some times, when a child is PTing, they will hold the poop in so not to get 'in trouble' for pooping in their undies, causing constipation. Just a thought.
As for denying her toys, I would not do that, but concentrate on positive reinforcement instead. Use your sticker chart faithfully, and after she gets x amount of stickers, she gets to choose the family meal that night, or have a special snack. HTHs, and keep us posted on her progress.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Wed, 06-09-2010 - 1:50pm

Yes, it's common for children to be fearful when potty training, esp poop potty training. Those fears can last awhile, until they have used the toilet long enough that it's very familiar and no longer scary.

You may want to try a more laid back approach with dd. If dd wets herself, make it her responsibility to change herself and clean up any messes. Be calm and matter-of-fact about it. If you want, you can have dd wear vinyl covers over her underpants (like the kind that goes over cloth diapers) to reduce messes from accidents.

If dd wets herself, she can experience the natural consequence of being wet and uncomfortable. If she doesn't change herself, she'll develop the natural consequence of a rash (explain to her that rashes happen from sitting in wet pants too long).

Rather than using the ice cream as a bribe (you don't have to force your dd to sit on the toilet if you're using natural consequences), you can use it as a reward for successes.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2000
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 10:28pm

Actually, I have been using the ice cream as a bribe *and* as a reward. That's how she peed the first time. She actually has been pretty consistent today with telling us that she wants to potty and then right away peeing, but now she's not telling us that she pooped. She pooped once Sunday after she told us that she wanted to go to the potty. No, she has no problems with constipation. We do sometimes put a plastic panty over her cloth panty, and other times we put a pull-up over her cloth panty. Giving the toy as a reward actually helps. She has no interest in the sticker reward system at all. Restricting toys has actually helped. She loves getting them back.

Now, I need to figure out how to make her tell me that she pooped. I'm thinking about restricting one of her toys as punishment. It doesn't seem like cleaning up will do any good. She actually likes cleaning up her poopy panties after she uses it.

Any other ideas? Thanks again for the input.

Yaddiya