A bit of venting from a nanny!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
A bit of venting from a nanny!
6
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 5:51pm

Hi everyone.

I've posted on here before about disagreements that I've had w/the mother of the children I watch reguarding nap time.  I've been watching N full time since he was an infant.  He's now 3.5.  I've been w/the family five years total since the older kids were toddlers.  

N has always been a great napper.  We have a very consistent routine, & 90% of the time he falls asleep within 10 minutes.  I put him down around 1 or 1:30, & he would sleep until sometimes 4:00.  A few months ago, his mom requested that I don't let him sleep past 3, so that he'll be tired by betdtime.  I started waking him up at 3, & usually it was fine.  Sometimes he was still a bit tired, but it was better than nothing.  Earlier this week she asked me to stop having him take naps all together, because she puts him to bed at 8, & he won't fall asleep for an hour.  I didn't say this to her, but my response in my head would be 'So what?  You work all day, shouldn't you take that extra hour & spend time w/him?'.  

If a 3 year old falls asleep & stays asleep so easily, isn't that a sign that you should let him take a nap?  Maybe I'm just being so annoyed by this because I really like my two hour break.  I've been having him sit quietly in his bed w/the lights dim for an hour looking at books by himself.  I still get an hour break, & he seems cool w/it.  It's just the principle of that matter, I suppose. 

Oh, & there's another thing.  Sometimes the family goes out at night, to see a play or go to a friend's house for dinner, etc.  On those days (maybe a few times a month), she wants him to take a nap since he'll be getting to bed later.  I can't tell him he's allowed to read books in bed one day, & then insist that he go to sleep another day.  I guess it's really not my problem if he's crabbing at their night time outing, but it just seems like a ridiculous request.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Fri, 08-31-2012 - 8:42am

Thanks for the reply.

I thought it was okay to let him sleep from 1-2:30 or 3.  That's what I've been doing.  But she was disapointed that he wasn't tired by 8:00, so she doesn't want him sleeping at all now.  He wakes up around 7, so that means he's getting 11 at night.  That could be enough for some children, but he was falling asleep & staying asleep w/no problem.  That sounds like he might need another hour or two.  

For the past two weeks I've been giving him a big pile of books, & having him lay in his room w/the lights dim reading (well, 'reading':smileyhappy:  by himself for an hour.  That's bee fine, & we both get a little down time.  Yesterday morning we ran around the Botanical Garden all morning in the sun.  I put him in his room w/a big pile of books like usual.  I went in there to get him an hour later, & he was zonked out asleep.  He had only made it through one book.  I let him sleep, because it was very clear that he needed it .  It just seemed mean to wake him up.  Even when I did an hour later, he was not thrilled.  

Anyway, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings.  I guess I'm not a parent, so I can't understand not wanting to spend as much time w/your children as possible & sacrifices a little sleep/grown up time to do it.  After spending 9-10 hours w/the little guy I watch everday, I am ready for some grown up time.  But I do love hanging out w/him for the first hour or two. :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 9:43pm

I am a working mother and I have a similar issue with my sitter. My children go to bed at 9-9:30pm and leaves me little time to clean, make lunches, etc. My sitter lets my litte one (2.5 yrs) sleep from 1-3:30pm and then he's not tired at 9pm! I've had nights where he wanted to stay up past 10pm. He could sleep from 1-4pm if she let him, but I'd rather she wake him up at 2:30-3pm. I do this on w/ends and he is FINE in the evening. In fact, I think he is sometimes grumpy in the evening bc he had TOO much sleep. 3 or 4 hours for a child that gets 12 hours at night is a lot (IMHO, tho I know every child is different).


:smileyhappy:

 

Dee

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 8:53pm
He hasn't been to school before correct, or was he last year, I don't remember. If he hasn't been to school before, he is almost definitely going to need a nap when he gets home at least for a while while adjusting to a new schedule. You may want to use that to your advantage, or even us the teacher as an aid in this to mention to the parents that a nap afterwards is definitely a good idea. WIth mine, when they don't get a nap, the little one who is 3, she isn't grumpy per say, but she definitely tends to act out more and not listen as much when she hasn't had a nap or had a bad one. Will the little guy be up earlier because of his new class? If so, again that's something else to use to your advantage, that he's getting up earlier, doing school, so a nap really is needed, brain development is best while napping still at this age!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 8:01pm

Thakns for the replies.

I'm not sure if he's grumpy at night or not.  I usually leave around 5:00.  I'd have to assume that he is, but I guess if he's just grumpy during dinner/bath time it's not that long to have to deal w/it.  

I could make his nap time earlier since the older school, but the little guy starts school three mornings a week after Labor Day.  He wouldn't be able to get to nap until 1:00 when that starts.  

The older kids were really good nappers too, but they were at ful day pre-school at this age, & so it was never an issue for me.  

Anyway, it kind of seems like there's nothing I can do, but thanks again for the support.  :smileyhappy:

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:35pm
I hate to say it, but I want my child down in bed at 8:00 every night also, regardless of if I am a working mom or not. Would I like that extra time with my kids at night after being gone all day at work, of course I would, but I also have things to do myself in the evening as an adult that I can't do during the work day, including spending one on one time with my husband, cleaning up the house, etc.

I do agree that is a child is falling asleep that quickly then he obviously needs it. I think I recall from an earlier post of yours that you can't move his naptime back any earlier because of pick up of an older sibling? Is that going to change at all when the new school year starts? Honestly, if he's not getting up from a nap til 3 or later, unless they are running him ragged in the evenings, he's not going to be tired at 8:00. I completely understand you needing a bit of downtime during the day also. Changing the naptime around all of the time will likely eventually confuse the poor child, but like the other poster said, maybe the mom will get it when he's grumpier in the evenings. Can you suggest letting him stay in his room and reading til he falls asleep at night if she is upset that he's not falling asleep right away? Mine get up several times or talk to each other, but if they were to lay in their room quietly reading, I would have no problem letting them stay up til 9:00. Did all of the other kids nap as well as he does? Each child has a different need for sleep, but here is a good chart you may want to mention if she brings it up again:

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 12:38pm
Gosh, that's a tough situation for you to be in. If he's falling asleep so easily, it would seem as if he still needs that nap. Since he's stopped sleeping in the afternoon, has his mom reported that he's really irritable at night? That's always my first indication that the nap is still needed. My son (who is also 3.5) is just a bear by 5pm if he doesn't have a nap. If he isn't grouchy in the evenings, maybe it is okay? However, it does seem like the reason she wants him to give up the nap are pretty selfish. :smileysad: