Death in the family-WWYD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Death in the family-WWYD?
8
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 11:28am

My Great Uncle passed away yesterday. I'm trying to decide what to do with the kids (Mara, really). Mara never really knew him; he had dementia pretty bad and so we never encouraged her to speak with him other than a "hello" because it confused him more.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 10:25pm
I think as long as you fully explain it to her before she goes, it would be fine. I've explained to Logan what death is.. and he understands as much as he can for his age.. and I think your theory is a decent one.. better to be exposed to it when its not a very close loved one....Let us know what you decide..!

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Fall 2010 1

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 9:52am
I think we're just going to play it by ear. We've talked to her about death and how when we die our spirit goes to heaven to be with Jesus, but our body is buried (HUGE discussion after a trip to the cemetery over Memorial Day). We'll take her and I figure since she's little she wont be able to see into the casket on her own.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 4:10pm

Logan has asked me some really tough questions about death after he had a conversation with his dad about HIS dad passing away. Things like "Is my dad going to die?" "are you going to die?" "am I going to die?"


I was just honest and told him that everyone dies at some point - but that its *usually* when they are very old or very sick. But that even if his dad dies, he will ALWAYS be his dad (he kept saying, if my dad dies, I won't have a dad anymore)... no matter what. We have the conversations periodically because he brings it up sometimes... its nice that he's ok talking about it. We've also addressed that the next person he knows that will probably die will be his great nana (my 85 year old grandmother). I told him I didn't know when, but that she was the oldest person we knew... LOL hopefully he'll be slightly prepared for it thanks to the conversations.

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Fall 2010 1

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:51pm

Mara has asked the same questions...they are tough. Today actually went pretty well though. We did take her to the front of the room to see the body (she could see him from the pews anyway)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 3:00pm
I'm glad it went well. The prayers are so sweet :)

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Fall 2010 1

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2006
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:42pm
So I am really slow at reading this, I am glad it went well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 3:06pm
It's so hard to explain when you think about it...I'm just glad that it went as well as it did. I was worried she'd be scared to go to sleep (for fear she'd be scared she'd never wake up) so I never said anything about how he looked like he was sleeping. KWIM? So hard to know what to say! I guess you could always see if you could find a book on death that's geared towards kids?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 5:02pm
Logan got a crash course in death. a couple of years ago he stomped on a frog and i slightly overreacted.... but I guess he understands death because of it... so it turned out to be a good thing. I told him that he stomped on the frog and it never hop/breath/eat ever again. I think we had a 5 minute conversation and he felt bad afterwards - and then when we talk about people or other animals dying he says "the they won't be alive. They won't breath anymore? I would be sad". It might not have been the "best" way to do it.. but it made a point of the perminence of death... so when we discuss it, he understands. *shrug* So... when we see an animal not moving, he assumes its dead. LOL When we talked about my ex's dad dying (before Logan was born) I did work in the heaven part... so he knows that although people and animals are dead here and its ok to be sad about it - that there is another stage.... lol

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Dante_byLovetoday.jpg picture by irishnutmeg




Fall 2010 1