Discipline Suggestions? HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Discipline Suggestions? HELP!
18
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 7:49pm

My husband and I are very lenient with our 29 month old son. He is the first and only child we plan to have. He's very sweet and loving, but he's at the age where he could use some discipline and my husband and I are not great at this kind of thing. We give into our son A LOT. I'm afraid that in doing this, we'll have a behavioral problem on our hands once he gets to school.


Any ideas that seem to work for any of you??? Time outs???


He loves to bang the cabinet doors and flick the light switches and I found him in his room after having ransacked his bathroom and he was dribbling baby bath wash all over the place. I know that toddlers do these sorts of the things and that we call it the "terrible twos" for a reason, but I can't help but think I could be doing things differently, esp. with things that drive me nuts like banging doors shut and saying "Bye Bye!". He's kind of old for child proof locks and that doesn't really send the messgae, "Stop doing that!" He says "NO!" a lot to many of our requests, a normal response for a 2 year old, I know, but there's got to be something or someway my husband and I can discipline our child appropriately. We are two of the biggest push overs that ever lived when it comes to him. We have to remind our son who is boss! Then, when we do discipline him and he cries and comes over to hug us, what do we do? It makes us want to give in!!!! AHHHH!


He was SUCH a doll baby as an infant. I miss those days....


PLEASE HELP!!!! (If you can). :-) Thanks.

Allison: SAHM to Donovan, born August 2007.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 3:06pm

My suggestion would be some access removal (blocking off the bathroom and maybe some external locks on cabinets?) and/or time outs. In our household time outs are the end of the world. Logan HATES them. LOL and they are very effective. I have a "naughty rug" (door mat) that he has to sit on. He's 3 - so we're up to 3 minute timeouts. He has to stay on the mat, otherwise the timeout session starts over each time we have to put him back.

I've found that taking away things is helpful too.. but that more for when Logan throws something - it gets taken away. He also has toys in his room that will get removed at bedtime if he's not behaving. All very, very effective for him! lol

Good luck!! I definitely think consistency is the key - for whatever you choose to try :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 7:43pm

Thank you for your prompt reply. I saw a "time out" rug in a kids' magazine, but I suppose any rug would do...


Yes, there is a lock on the bathroom door, which I now keep locked.


I also believe consistency is key too. If you are not consistent, what's the point?


LOL- I take away things too and he screams/cries for a few minutes, but gets over it very fast.


We've been working on NOT thowing things too. That will unacceptable once he starts pre-school. I do not want to be called in every other day for behavior problems.


Thanks again.

Allison: SAHM to Donovan, born August 2007.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 5:36pm

Hi, Allison -- I love the name Donovan!


Have you watched Supernanny? She's very helpful. She's all about the timeouts and I've seen them work wonders on the most obstinant child on the show. She also has a couple of books out you could look into.


I agree with Amber...you MUST be consistent and NOT give in if he cries after you've disciplined him. Otherwise, he'll just assume that he can cry and you'll let him have his way.


I know it's hard because they are so darn cute (LOL) but think about discipline as about TEACHING him rather than "hurting" him or getting angry with him.


I say a lot to my 3-year-old, "We don't X," like, "We don't hit" or "We don't throw toys." Like Supernanny does, I'd give

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 8:18pm

Hi there! Thanks for the compliment on my son's name. It came to me in a moment of extremely

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 1:25am

Ah, what a tough age! I know if you deal with it now, it's better for now and for later. I have 3 children, 9 and under, my oldest has Aspergers, so I've been there done that for sure. Say what you mean and mean what you say! :)

I thought you thought he was autistic though?! I see you posting about it often. That's a whole different can of worms when it comes to flicking light switches, etc...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 7:29am

Well, due to his delayed speech, of course autism has entered my mind as a possibility, but he really does not meet the other criteria for the disorder. I thought he could not control flicking the switches, which is what really worried me (I thought perhaps it was a stim),

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 12:00pm

Hi, I know you got some good advice from some wonderful ladies of this board, here is my piece that works with my DD. Ofcouse my DD is pretty girlish and doesnt test my limits often, but ofcourse there are some times that I have to do what I have to do even if it hurts her for a while..


From one of my good friends, I picked the phrase "Peace corner" instead of "Timeout" - That word used to push me over the edge. Our peace corner is going to basement (which is unfinished) and so my DD doesnt prefer to be there ever. 1st time when she does what she is not supposed to do, I tell her "You don't do that because..." Like any kid, she says, "No I will do that" then I tell her "If you do it again, you have to go to peace corner" The moment she hears the word, she stops doing the mischief..This has been working so well.


Yday she had a tantrum as soon as we all entered from work..My DD from DC, DH and I from work..She wanted to keep the empty cheetos box as a keepsake and DH and I refused because we already used that for cleaning up little trash in the car and we threw it in trash box..I just let her cry for 5-10 mts, ignored her totally by talking with DH..She immediately stopped and said "Mamma I dont want that because it is dirty" Then I hugged her and explained her why mamma ignored her..She felt very happy.


Often I feel these techniques working out - "Peace corner" warnings, Ignore and let them cool down on their own, Giving her extra attention because thats what she needs most of the times..I stopped being aggressive in front of her because she learns to pick it up very fast!!


GL and glad to hear that the techniques are working out well already..KUP

Mothers day - 2009

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 1:11pm
We found putting a favorite toy on a timeout is much more effective for us. DD will sit on time all day and not care. Taking away a favorite toy and now we have her full attention. "Kitty Kitty " only needs one time out and it changes DD's attitude.
DD and DS have a baby proof play area as they get older the are getting access to more parts of the house. But I am really strict about the kitchen its not a play area. My brother got seriously burned as a child playing in the kitchen, he got burned with hot boiling water.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 1:19pm

Hi Vidya. LOL- sometimes I joke about, "No, I couldn't have a nice quite little girl, could I?" Honestly, though, for a boy he's really quite well behaved naturally, but 2 year olds will be 2 year olds. I cannot believe how quickly he has picked up what we don't want him to do. Smart little bugger. The first few times I tried it, he ran to Daddy as if to say, "Mean Mommy!" lol, but since my husband and I are more or less on the same page, it's not going to work. They sure are clever at a young age, appealing to one parent while the other tries to discipline!!!!


I noticed your names in your signature. I would love to post photos in my signature as well, except I cannot figure out how to do it for the life of me lol. Anyway, my husband, Rupesh, was born and raised in Bombay, or Mumbai as it is now called. All my in-laws still live there and I have visited several times and I love the country. So much beauty and so much interesting history. Are you and your family from India or from somewhere in the region? My ancestors are of Italian descent, but people often mistake me for Northern Indian or Iranian or Brazilian, Greek, you name it lol...I just have that dark haired, dark eyed, olive complexion that can pass for many things.


I am anxiously awaiting the time when I feel our son is old enough to visit India. Maybe at age 4 or 5. It's long trip from Arizona!!!!!


Thanks again.

Allison: SAHM to Donovan, born August 2007.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:20pm

Hi Allison, Nice to know about you and your husband's Indian origin :-) All my close family relatives live in Bombay..I have visited Bombay like 100 times in my life, but basically I am from the sourthern part of India - Madras which is now called Chennai. Yes, India has lot of beauty, culture and history. If only there is good population and pollution control, it would be the best place to live :-)


I am so happy that Donovan is getting adjusted so well already..See, consistency and being strict works a big time. You won't believe how much Aparna is well behaved..She is the cleanest in our house.Because of seeing me being so organized, she knows how to keep things at defined places-LOL and already like me..Poor DH has a tough time with we 2 girls.


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