How do you discipline?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
How do you discipline?
12
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 1:13pm

How do you discipline your 2-3 yr old?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 8:52am
I am terrible at discipline, I generally underestimate my daughter's ability to understand right from wrong. But I found out by accident a very effective method for a very specific situation: my darling daughter smashed another kid on the head with a giant rock and I was so freaked out by the situation that after an initial "DON'T HIT" reprimand from a distance, I comforted the crying victim and totally ignored my daughter (the evil perpetrator). My daughter isn't super verbal, but ever since then (this was a few weeks ago) she freely tells the story to anyone who will listen: "baby rock head crying mama hug" she says in a pouty voice.

I think the fact that I was so clearly worried about the other kid and gave her attention while ignoring my daughter made a real impact and went deeper than any lengthy reprimand or time out would have done. In any case, she has shown remorse for her action to a much greater extent than I would have expected from a just-turned-2-year-old.
Lilypie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 11:54am
We use Time Outs. We have a time out mat that is in a corner, and my son has learned that if he gets off the mat or leaves time out before the timer beeps (the timer helps A LOT) then he gets a minute added. It took awhile for him to get the idea of having to stay there, and I used to have to stand there with my back to him so I could put him back in time out when he got out, but now he sits there until he hears the beep, then he talks to us and tells us why he was in time out, says he's sorry, and gives us a hug.

Time out has been very effective for us, especially since we started using a timer so my son can actually see us set the time (and add a minute if needed) and it's very clear when time out is over.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 1:31pm
I think that your tactic there was a really good one. Especially in situations where one child has hit or hurt another, giving the victim the attention and ignoring the other child seems to really work. It sounds like your daughter really learned something from it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 1:34pm
We use time outs too! I've very impressed that your son will sit on a mat in the corner. I put Landon on a chair and turn the chair around so it isn't facing us. I always worried that if he was on the floor, he would just get up and run! Time out really seems to work with him but I'm not sure if he really *gets* it yet. We always talk about why he was put there but he usually doesn't quite get it right... I'll ask "where you put in time out for hitting your brother?" he'll say "Yes" and I'll say... "do we hit our brothers?" and he'll say "Yes". Hmmm... Anyway, for the most part I think it works because I give him one warning and he'll usually stop the behavior before I get to two and he earns his time out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 2:04pm

Ds is 2(will be 3 sept) we time out a favorite toy. DS would rather sit on time all day then lose a toy on time out. It works for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2008
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 5:43pm

We use timeouts as well. It usually works, and now the threat of timeout usually gets results (If you don't stop doing X, then you will go to timeout, do you want to go to timeout?) When my DD doesn't put toys away when asked I've tried what my mom did with us - taking away the toy and putting up out of reach but in sight for a week, but DD doesn't seem to care. She just forgets about it. My biggest issue right now is with her throwing fits if she doesn't get what she wants. For instance, today on the way to dance she wanted to play with my iPod in the car. I didn't have it and told her so. She cried for about five minutes until I told her that if she didn't stop we wouldn't go to dance class - that worked. But it is getting old. Any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 8:38pm
Cavan used to get up from time out and run, or roll around and scream, but having a timer that he can see me set has really helped. That, and he's a little older now - we started time outs at 2.5, but around 3 is when he really started to "get it." If he gets up I'll tell him - "If you get out of time out before the timer beeps, I'm going to add a minute" usually he'll stay there, but on the rare occasion where he just won't sit, I add a minute with him screaming the whole time, "NOOO DON'T ADD A MINUTE!" Then he will sit on his mat for fear of getting another minute.

When time out is over, I make HIM tell ME what he did wrong and why he got put in time out (he knows why because when he's going to time out I'll tell him "Time Out! You do NOT hit the cat!", and we'll discuss it briefly before he apologizes and we hug. I find that making him tell me what he did is the only way I can be sure he gets it.

Cavan will do the whole thing where I say "Is it nice to hit the cat?" and he'll say "yes, it IS nice" sometimes. He knows it's not nice, but right now he is going through a phase where he just wants to attempt to sass, like I'll tell him "Time for lunch" and he'll say "You're a lunch!" I'm hoping it's just a phase that passes soon!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2007
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 7:08am
Time outs seem to be the only method that "gets through" to a 3 yo. Over the weekend he bit his 1 yo brother which has never happened before. He got his stuffed animals removed (he normally naps with them and sleeps with them) for hte day, and a time out.

Our key to timeout is that he has to sit in the time out spot "composed" and still. Time doesn't start until he is composed. Then after we ask if he knows why he is in timeout and he has to say sorry. Then just like SuperNanny, we do hugs and kisses. It seems to work...as long as I use Timeouts early and often. I used to give a warning first, but i had to work hard to establish that FIRST TIME EVERY TIME. if he does something that he know sis wrong....straight to time out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 11:53am
I'm glad you were able to find something that works for you! How long do you time out the toy? We have a toy timeout too... usually for when a toy is used as a weapon against one of their brothers! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 11:57am
That's a hard one, Liesl! With the fits Landon throws, I just ignore them. I'll try to walk out of the room or just pretend he isn't there if he's having one. It usually works but if he's having a huge one and the ignoring doesn't work, I put him in his room and shut the door. He'll usually calm down in a few minutes. This works better at home than when you are out and about though. I think my biggest suggestion if she throws a fit outside of the home is to tell her what her consequences are if she doesn't stop and then be fully prepared to follow through with them. So much easier said than done!

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