My 2.5 years old hits relatives and yells around

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2009
My 2.5 years old hits relatives and yells around
6
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 3:11pm
Today was the second time i hit my 2 and a half years old son since he was hitting my mother -in-law. I wonder from where this comes.... Is he frustrated? Is he upset with her? My husband is a very short tempered guy and gives dirty bad words which my son has learnt a few of them and today he said it in public. I was so ashamed that i simply carried him and took him home. Will this go long??? Can i stop my child from learning and saying such bad words?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 11-06-2011 - 11:01pm

First of all, I hope I am correct in assuming when you say "hit" your child you mean "pop" or "swat" on the bottom. That's acceptable, in my opinion anyway, when they do something they know better than to do. They need to be reminded now and again that certain behaviors are not allowed, i.e. hitting or cursing. Don't be humiliated for your child saying that. Most kids that hear those types of words (guilty of it myself) tend to repeat them in the worst moments. It just means that it's time to start sensoring what you and DHsay aroud little ears. I have realized how foul my mouth is around my children and am maing a conscious effort to change the way I talk in front of them. As for DH, he is so used to the foul language that he literally doesn't even realize when he says curse words anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2009
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 6:01am
Hi mom2gabez, THANKS!!! thanks a million for posting. Yeah! Hitting is a swat on the bottom. My DH and myself were strictly against that but since our 2.5 years old son didn't listen to our explanations, warnings, time outs, i had to give him on his bottom. But still its not done with, he said it again yesterday and today. As you said its not done by saying or punishing once.... Will try and keep my cool until its done with.
About G-ma, i agree what you say. I have noticed that its then when she says something or stops him from doing something wrong. And thats true, he hasn't been used to her saying something. Since earlier we lived separate and since 5 months moved in a joint family with my in-laws. Well can't avoid G-ma in this case. But atleast now i know the whys....Your replies helped me.

THANKS ONCE AGAIN!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2011
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 12:45pm
Stop using them. Children that young pattern their behavior by what the adults around them do. If you want him to stop using such words, your husband needs to rein in his temper and stop using them himself.

Now, with that said, I've slipped up and said a few things myself in my time; What I did any time my girls started using profanity was yell "AWWW, NUTS!" really loudly, and laugh like a maniac. I redirected the attention from the word I DIDN'T want them to use by making a big deal out of the one I did. The more you react to the foul language, the more they'll use it to get a rise out of you! 2.5 is still so young, it's not intentional.

Now, for the hitting; you need to stop hitting him first. I am a spanker, but I do NOT believe that spanking is an appropriate response to teach a child to hit. Children (as I said) pattern their behavior after what you do... how in the world does it work when you're sending them the mixed message of "You shouldn't hit, so I'm going to hit you!" The reason he's hitting your mother in law is because you hit him. Do you ever spank out of frustration or anger? It's time to stop. Spanking should be a calm, considered action, given only after warning and explanation.

Spanking is good for some things, but this isn't one of them. It's time to reach into the tool box, and pull out another tool. When my daughters have hit, what I do is IMMEDIATELY remove them from the situation to a boring place, and cease all interaction and discussion. "We do not hit!" in a stern tone, and take them immediately to another room. Not the bedroom, unless your toddler is still in a crib where you can remove all the toys. I use a spot on the couch, or sometimes on my bed.

If you can't play nice, you don't get to play at all. This is also how I handle throwing. The thing that was thrown is immediately removed, and an immediate time out follows.

Remember that your child learns how to behave from you and dad. If you show him bad behavior (hitting out of anger, or cursing) that's what he's going to reflect right back at him. Time to look at the mirror he's holding up to you, and pay attention to what it's showing you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 10:29am
I totally agree. I'm not a spanker, but how on earth can you expect a kid to stop hitting if you're hitting him yourself? It doesn't make sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 6:05pm

Glad I could help. I have three of my own; 12,4, and 3 and they still say things in public when they shouldn't. Luckily they only hit one another and not other people but it's still not allowed. Living with G-ma does make it harder but he will have to learn that it's still not okay to hit. I would be sure to have HER be the one to correct his behavior when he acts like that just to eliminate any question as to whether or not she is an authority figure in the home. He has to be shown by G-ma that she won't tolereate hitting anymore than you or DH. Just give him time. He will learn eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2009
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 8:22pm
Hi RHDL & CM, THANKS! i understand and shall do as you suggest. I have read a beatiful book by Naomi Aldort and would love not to spank my child exactly because of the reason that its me teaching him that to do it further. I agree completely that he does it because i do it.... "Children are Mirror Reflection of parents" thats what i always believed in but forgot.

THANK YOU FOR REMINDING AND HELPING.