Please help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Please help!!
3
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 11:21pm

My DH and I are at our wit's end with our 2.5 yr old. We just had a new baby 2 weeks ago and he is having difficulty adjusting. He attacks the baby every chance he gets. He will even pretend to want to kiss the baby so he can get close enough to pinch/punch/kick the baby. He is also destroying our home. He throws things - threw a block at the fireplace and smashed the glass. The worst part of all this is that it is NON-STOP. You give him time outs or send him to his room and he will go right back to it as soon as he is let go. He whines about everything. When I try to stop him, he will punch/hit/slap me (not DH tho). I just finished screaming at him bc he was in a time out for literally jumping on the baby...and kicked the speaker of our sound system and knocked it over :( I feel terrible but I lost it. It is hard enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
In reply to: passion8te
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 12:38am

I have just a couple of ideas. You can try setting up a visual schedule for ds of what he gets to do with you during the day (post pictures of book/storytime, coloring/craft time, playground, puzzles, etc.) That let's him know that he's not forgotten and lets him anticipate special time with mom.

Have a few extra activities or prizes that ds can earn by being good. If you catch him being calm around the baby for even a second, immediately reinforce that behavior by telling him he's earned a good behavior reward for being so good around the baby.

If necessary, ds can lose one of his activities with mom for poor behavior. Whatever activity you take away, you can let ds know that you WERE going to do it together, but now you can't since ds is in time out or since you have to spend the play time cleaning up the mess ds made.

After my 2nd baby was born, when I was putting the baby down for naps, etc., I made a point of telling the baby (in front of older sister) that baby had to take a nap now, so I could play with older sister. It made older sis feel like baby had to be displaced occasionally for her, just like sis felt like she was sometimes being displaced for baby (even tho' in reality baby was just taking regular naps).

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
In reply to: passion8te
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 6:34pm

Thank you! I started your suggestion of giving DS1 something to look forward to and so far it's working. He also LOVES when I put baby down and tell him HE has to wait while I do something/get something for DS1. I even said, "you'll have to be a good boy and wait while mommy..." and DS1 said, "be good or you'll get a time out." It was very cute!


I also realized that my DH and I are so fed up/tired/etc that we start to give DS1 the "warning" voice when he goes anywhere NEAR baby...in essence assuming he's going to do something bad. We'll have to stop that or he'll think we expect that and he won't disappoint :)


It's still open season on the baby tho. But our home is a little calmer. Sadly, he ripped the baby out of the bouncy seat today and dragged him like a rag doll...this while my DH was right there trying in vain to pull him off (he's a strong toddler!). I'm a little worried one of these days it's going to really hurt the baby...and since it happens even w/our supervision, I'm not sure how to protect him.


Thanks for letting me vent!


Dee


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
In reply to: passion8te
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 11:51pm
The only other piece of advice I'd add is maybe get your 2 1/2 year old a baby doll. Have him "take care of his baby" while you take care of yours. I know it was useful for us. Best of luck. I'm really nervous about how my son will handle our new addition. He already says, 'I'm not a big brother, I'm a big baby..." he doesn't want his position as the "baby" of the family challenged. He's fascinated with other babies, so I'm hoping he's more curious than jealous. Please keep us posted how things go and anything else you try. I can certainly use tips too!
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Sarah-busy mommy to Justin, Grace, Isabelle, Boyd, and expecting another miracle in August.
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