Please Help! Potty Training Disaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Please Help! Potty Training Disaster
9
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:08am

My DD is 25 months old. For a couple of months earlier on, I had a couple of potties just out and around, and would try to get her to sit on them (by bribing her with "Elmo's World" or playing with my iPhone) -- I now know that wasn't the way to go. But at that time, she built up a resistance, defiance and HATRED of the potties.

Then I read "Oh Crap, Potty Training" (recommended to me by someone on the Toilet Teaching board), and hid the potties for 2 1/2 weeks to reset the situation, and even bought a NEW potty (looks like a frog, really cute), and this morning we had a "bye diapers" party (with hats and balloons) and "threw out the diapers"...

Today has been miserable. Naked time all day, me watching her like a hawk...and every time she starts to go, I pick her up and quickly say, "Oh, hold it honey!" get her over to the potty and try to sit her on it...and, while I am giving her liberal praise and high-fives and happiness and pride (or trying to), she FREAKS OUT: "NO POTTY!!!!! NOOOOO POTTY!!!!!!! DON'T WANT POTTY!!!!!" She keeps holding it, then finally peeing all over the carpet, and then I grab her and the meltdown happens. She hasn't actually gone on the potty even ONCE...not EVER.

She had a 10-alarm SCREAMING FIT about it while pooping on the floor, while we tried to get her onto the potty. She's definitely going through the terrible 2s tantrum thing...but this is the absolute worst I've EVER seen.

I'm worried. What should I do? How can I continue on this -- basically it seems like a death spiral?

Please help! ANY advice is much appreciated. Should we just continue with naked time and accidents all over the carpet 24/7? Should I keep trying to force the issue? The book says this is the PRIME window for potty training, and anything after 30 months is much more difficult. But should I back off, bring back the diapers, and try again in a month or even 2?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 11:13am
Hmmm....I don't have much advice for you, sorry! My DD was very easy to PT...but she was WILLING so that may be the difference. IMO if she's adamant about NOT
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 11:18am
My only advice is do it when she is more ready. I PTd my daughter just before her 3rd bday and did naked PT too. She was trained in a week. It was so much easier. So many moms asked me if I was training her when she turned 2.5 and I kept saying I am waiting for the right time. I have read in many books, training them later saves a big deal of disappointments for parents. Unless you are in a hurry to train her, just relax for couple of months, keep talking to her about potty and she will be ready in no time. GL.

Mothers day - 2009

new siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 11:21am
Personally, I'd think "she's not ready" and I'd wait...I'd just keep talking about "how great it will be when she gets to use the potty like a big girl.." I also bribed them with a trip to Disneyland..."when we don't have to buy diapers anymore, we can afford to go to Disneyland..." (we only live 3 hours away, so it was a "doable" bribe).

I know my kids loved to sit on the potty if I let them get naked (waist down) and gave them lotion to play with and soda to drink...hardly the "expert's suggestions" but it worked hahaha

I always left panties on my kids otherwise...I didn't let them run around naked. A friend of mine with 6 kids said when she did the naked thing she potty trained twice. Once without clothes, once with clothes...so I took her advice. We played "potty" from the time they were 18 months old. We just had them out and said, "would you like to sit on the potty?" If they did..even for a few seconds, then we praised and high fived, etc...if not, it was no big deal. THEN at around 2 1/2 we had the "let's see who can sit on the potty the longest" (I had twins, so it worked). They both pooped and peed that day and were trained..seriously..I don't know how or why...My older twin ended up reverting AFTER our trip to Disneyland (with pooping) and it took us another few months to work that out (turned out it was chronic constipation issues).

She might respond better to sitting on the big toilet?? some kids do???
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Sarah-busy mommy to Justin, Grace, Isabelle, Boyd, and expecting another miracle in August.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:28pm

Thanks so much!

I love hearing about what worked for you. Yeah, sometimes the experts' suggestions aren't much better than whatever a parent decides might work for the kid s/he knows. :)

As far as the big toilet...we have an adapter seat, but she seems a fearful of sitting on that. She sees things disappearing when she flushes, so this makes sense to me. But I'll throw that into the mix, too (when she seems more ready)...can't hurt to try everything!

Thank you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:31pm

Thanks! That makes sense. If I felt I had the luxury of waiting, I might wait until 3, too.

The main thing for us is that in Sept. (when she's 29 months old), she'll be starting a M-F half-day (9-12pm) Montessori school, for which she's supposed to be potty trained, or at least on the way. But if she's not fully there, I think watching the other kids at school, and not wanting to take too many breaks from playing, may speed things along. I just want to try to do my part before then, but I'm sure it will unfold somehow. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:35pm

Thank you! Yes...my DD is very unwilling at this point...

I'll wait at least a couple of weeks, talk it up, and...that's a good idea to let her pick out panties!!!! Thanks for that! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:41pm
One other thing...do you have an older cousin/niece that your DD looks up to? My cousin (who is 9) would always take them into the potty with her and tell them "don't you want to go to the potty like me?" They were much more cooperative about "sitting" on the potty for her than for me....
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Sarah-busy mommy to Justin, Grace, Isabelle, Boyd, and expecting another miracle in August.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:51pm

That's a really great idea. Unfortunately, we don't know many older kids very well, or have relatives who are older. But I'll think about that...

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2005
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:04pm
To me it sounds clear that she is just not ready! I would definitely back off until she shows interest. Otherwise it seems you may be setting her up for failure. Just my opinion, but I say back off for a while.