Question about mealtime. Do you do this?

I agree with Dawn. She is too old for you to be feeding her. Like Dawn said, if she is hungry she will eat and the whole thing - at this point - does sound like a power issue. She probably doesn't feed herself because she knows you will do it. I would just set the food in front of her and let her take matters into her own hands. Don't make too much of a big deal out of the whole situation. I've learned over the years if you make a big deal out of an issue, it will *become* a big deal...especially with toddlers. Our rule about the "I'm done" after a few bites is she is allowed to be excused from the table and her food stays at her place until we are all done. If she decides she's still hungry while we are all still eating she may return and finish her meal. If we have cleared the table and are cleaning up -- too late. Needless to say, she usually finishes her meal while we are all at the table these days! It didn't take her long to figure that one out! Also, e never make their evening snacks tied in with what they ate for dinner. It's just not worth making food a point of a power struggle or leverage in punishment. (Since I have two dd's I have strong opinions about that!) They still get a snack (if they ask for it) before bed even if they didn't eat a ton at dinner.

Don't know if this helps. Hope it all works out! Hang in there!

~Shelley

(mom to Emeline 2/7/00 and Augusta 2/6/96)

DD is 3 1/2, and has insisted on self-feeding since she was just barely 1. HOWEVER, she only takes a few bites, then wants to leave the table. 15 minutes after all the dishes are put away, she's back looking for more. Part of this is a ploy to get crackers or bananas instead of chicken or brocolli, but part of it is that she easily gets distracted or bored with feeding herself.

So, we feed her, sort of. We let her self feed first, then when she stops eating (but before she asks to be excused) we nonchalantly start putting bites of food on her fork. Often she will pick up the fork and eat what is on it without even thinking about it. I think she gives up fighting to get the rice or peas or whatever onto her fork, and likes us to help her. There are times when that doesn't work, and the food just stays there on her fork getting cold. That is when DH will pick up the fork and feed her. If she truly doesn't like the food she won't eat it, but most of the time she just wants someone else to do the work. She eats a normal sized meal this way, but tells us when she is full. The post-dinner snacking is way down. Just so you don't think we're some weird permissive family: We never did this for the boys. They usually didn't eat because they didn't like something, and there was no way anyone was going to get it in their mouth.

About post dinner snacks. One post says she doesn't fight about them, and that is great. You really do have to pick your battles, and food is not something to fight about. But all 3 of my kids are huge manipulators and will purposely eat a small meal then ask for snacks a short time later. It drives me nuts! So we don't give snacks unless we think they really need one. Sometimes we'll even save their half-full plate so when they ask for a snack 30 minutes after dinner, we'll pop it in the micro. They get so mad! But hey, if you're truly hungry you can eat reheats just as well as bananas or yogurt.