Conflicting emotions/trying for #3

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2005
Conflicting emotions/trying for #3
1
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 1:25am

Okay, CAUTION, this may be rambling....
A little intro. I am 35, I have an amazing husband, we have a good life. We have twin boys that are 6. We concieved them with DI. We have now thought seriously about trying for ONE more. We went through all the shots before and I won't do any of that again. NOT ANOTHER SET OF TWINS. Anyway, I am not entirely sure that this is what I want. I know that if do it and I DO get pg, then of course I know we will be thrilled. But, I am scared to death of all of it. I am scared of the procedures, dr. visits, and then the dreaded 2ww. And what if it works? (Here's my completely selfish self) I will have to be pg again and I won't fit into my favorite jeans ever again, We won't be able to get-up-and go like we can now with my boys. They pretty much are able to do things for themselves now. I will have to start ALL that up again: sleepless nights, childcare, sick kids, diapers, etc. I am thinking maybe I don't want any more. Maybe I am fine like this...ON THE OTHER HAND...I could have a little girl...that would be amazing. I always wanted a bigger family and the more the merrier. I know that having ONE baby would be way easier than the twins were. And because the boys are so much older I won't be spread as thin than if they were younger. I know that I CAN do the childcare. Money isn't much of an issue. We could give another baby a great home, a wonderful father and two great big brothers. I can convince myself either way. But this is it. I have a referal for the infertility dr. on Tuesday and I have to do now or never...I am not getting any younger. This is it. We have 4 vials left from our donor. What do we do?? By the way, DH feels like I do. He can go either way, too.

I apoligize if I am sounding aloof to those that REALLY KNOW they want a baby. I know how that feels, too. I was there with all the IF stuff. It was a rough time.

Thanks for reading, any advise is appreciated.

c

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 10:41pm
Hi Chris,
I think many women find themselves in a situation similar to yours, wanting another baby but also not really wanting to start all over again (both, life with a baby as well as TTCing).
You say that one reason that you need/want to come to a decision now is your age...but really, 35 isn't anywhere near the end of the childbearing years:-)
Maybe if you and DH can both reach a point where you can give it more time and see in which direction your ideas for your family-planning go, you will feel more comfortable and less pressured.
Friends of mine who weren't totally sure if they really wanted a baby but knew that they at least had to try so that later yada yada yada.....went ahead and started TTC and let "nature decide". They ended up pregnant and are very happy about it.
For them it was also important to become aware of WHY they were hesitant to whole- heartedly make a decision. By addressing these fears consciously it was easier for them to accept their inability to jump in without hesitation. Like making a pro-con list.
I'm afraid I'm rambling but if nothing else you know there is someone here who sympathizes.
I used DI to conceive my 3rd child and before the longing for another child got so strong that there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted a 3rd child, there were times when I was thinking about how it would be nice to have another BUT...hmy older kids are already so independent and the age difference and and and. At some point the belly took over and muted the brain, kind of.
I hope you and DH can deal with this w/out getting too stressed and feeling pressured to come to a decision-quick. The only ones to make that decision are you two and maybe you have to wait a while to know what is right for you.
Good luck,
Elisia