Conflicting emotions/trying for #3
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|Mon, 01-15-2007 - 1:25am|
Okay, CAUTION, this may be rambling....
A little intro. I am 35, I have an amazing husband, we have a good life. We have twin boys that are 6. We concieved them with DI. We have now thought seriously about trying for ONE more. We went through all the shots before and I won't do any of that again. NOT ANOTHER SET OF TWINS. Anyway, I am not entirely sure that this is what I want. I know that if do it and I DO get pg, then of course I know we will be thrilled. But, I am scared to death of all of it. I am scared of the procedures, dr. visits, and then the dreaded 2ww. And what if it works? (Here's my completely selfish self) I will have to be pg again and I won't fit into my favorite jeans ever again, We won't be able to get-up-and go like we can now with my boys. They pretty much are able to do things for themselves now. I will have to start ALL that up again: sleepless nights, childcare, sick kids, diapers, etc. I am thinking maybe I don't want any more. Maybe I am fine like this...ON THE OTHER HAND...I could have a little girl...that would be amazing. I always wanted a bigger family and the more the merrier. I know that having ONE baby would be way easier than the twins were. And because the boys are so much older I won't be spread as thin than if they were younger. I know that I CAN do the childcare. Money isn't much of an issue. We could give another baby a great home, a wonderful father and two great big brothers. I can convince myself either way. But this is it. I have a referal for the infertility dr. on Tuesday and I have to do now or never...I am not getting any younger. This is it. We have 4 vials left from our donor. What do we do?? By the way, DH feels like I do. He can go either way, too.
I apoligize if I am sounding aloof to those that REALLY KNOW they want a baby. I know how that feels, too. I was there with all the IF stuff. It was a rough time.
Thanks for reading, any advise is appreciated.