CONSIDERING DI as a single Mom ... Yikes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
CONSIDERING DI as a single Mom ... Yikes
10
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 7:22am

lol. Scary thought!


I am 39, almost 40. Divorced mom of a 7.5 yr old dd. ALWAYS wanted a 2nd child. I loved pregnancy, birth & breastfeeding. Nursed my dd 3+ yrs. I am also a Labor & Delivery RN.


Back in my early 20's, I was an egg donor twice.


During my marriage, my H had Hep C & needed a treatment that was sperm teratogenic. So we froze his sperm prio to the tx.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 1:22pm

R - I lurked at the old board for addicts so I know your story rather well.

Will you be doing anonymous? Or using the X's? Would he even allow that?

How unhinged could he become if you got pregnant?

Moneywise - well then NONE of us could ever have a baby, natural or not. Unless we were Angelina Jolie, ya know?

YOU have an advantage of being a nurse, so you could do it yourself and/or get a close nurse buddy to help you.

You do not need a doctor, you can actually do it at home. Since you have access that us regulars don't, you could monitor yourself closer and then do home insems rather cheaply. You could 2-4 vials at home per cycle (I'd do one when the opk or blood work says I am O'ing, then 1 every 12 hours).

Its the buying the soldiers that is kind of $$$$ but not as bad as you think...

AND you can also look/find a live-in college student to help with nanny duties for both children.

My thoughts? Follow your heart and GO FOR IT!

What does A think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:08pm

Hi,

I am a 36 year old SMC w/ a 9-month old daughter by DI. It was the best decision I have ever made. Logistically things were easier than what you are describing - I had a reasonably well-paying job (although the hours were longer than I liked), my townhouse was paid off, and my family was nearby. However, if you feel so strongly that you would regret NOT having a second child, then DEFINITELY go for it. People can often handle more than they think they can, when properly motivated.

I would start with some testing to make sure you are still fertile. I think they can only tell you if you are fertile now, but I'm not sure. For me, everything came back OK, so I did at-home inseminations. This place will ship directly to you for at-home, and the cost is reasonable as well:
http://www.nwcryobank.com/
My at-homes worked on the 5th cycle - 2 attempts per cycle.

As for the reaction of my family, everyone was positive. Of course, my parents had mostly given up on grandchildren, so this was a very pleasant surprise. I waited until I was 2 months along before telling them - I wanted to wait longer, but morning sickness kind of got in the way. But even if the initial reaction isn't great, they will get over it once they see the baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 10:04am

Hi! I do remember your name! Thanks for chiming in!


Yes, i would be doing anonymous ... OMG! X's sperm? you MUST be kidding! lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 10:07am

Yes, i feel SO strongly that I may regret never having that 2nd child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 11:15am

A cycle, properly monitored by an RE, runs about $1200-$1500 per cycle...without spermies.

Several things you can do while you decide...

Start temping, an Re would need them anyways...you can tell you if are o'ing if done right

With the temping, have a buddy draw your blood 7 days after ovulation to check progestrone levels to verify O

14 days after o'ing do another blood test to check progestrone levels to insure they will sustain a pg...(I am big on progrestone levels)

Talk with Avery and see how she feels, talk with her therapist and figure out how to remove X (LOL - I am sure you've thought of it!)

I still say go for it...check your cycles 1-2 months and go for it. If your insurance covers an RE, all the better (when they do it through the RE, they "wash" the sperm, which costs more...if you do it at home, you want ICI spermies not IUI)

If it was me and I could sustain a pg, I'd ditch my RE and do it myself at home...but I am not a nurse either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 11:14am

Its usually just a blood test (day 3 FSH) that doctors use to determine egg quality. IUI is generally not that expensive, not so much as IVF. Unmedicated IUI might cost anywhere from $200 - $500. IUI with injectable drugs would be considerably more expensive - cost of drugs, procedure and

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 1:41pm

Ugh. I called. My insurance does NOT cover UNmarried fertility treatments - State law or something. So anything CODED (hint, i think my doc COULD code things to help a bit, did last time) as fertility, i woudl have NO coverage for at all.


When i did the IUI's b4, i did meds ... & that was almost 4 yrs ago. Which sort of tells me they woudl want meds this time of course. But, I will see what they say. There is NO way i could afford the meds out of pocket ... at all.


Thanks!

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 6:26pm
Hi Rebecca,
I am in a similar situation. I have two sons from an abusive marriage in my twenties. I am 37 now and have been divorced for eight years. I thought that I would remarry and have more children, but that has not happened. I did have one serious relationship which ended five years ago, and has been on-again off-again for the past five years (mostly off again). He does not want to get married (to me) or have children (with me), so I don't see that helping my situation. I feel irrational about the baby desires, and I cannot believe I am even considering doing this on my own. But somehow I find myself browsing sperm donor catalogs!. I have a decent job and a good family. However, I am not wealthy and really am not sure how I'd even afford daycare. Yet I'm still thinking about this. I am so glad that I saw your post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 3:26am

Hi! Im glad to see someone else has the same feelings! But YOU my Dear, at least have a few more years to play ... I am nearing 40, in a few WEEKS, ugh.


How the HECK i would do it ... i dont know. But you know what? I would get thru it, somehow!


I called my old RE's office (reproductive guy) to see abotu blood work to at least see where I am fertility-wise. If they tell me it would be a likely rough process, drugs, etc ... I will likely scrap the idea. BUT, if they tell me my numbers still look good, I may decide on the inseimation route , a couple tries, & if it doesnt work, then it doesnt work.


Funny, one thing in the back of my mind is "its sure going to inerfere in my DATING LIFE if I get preggo!" lol

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 10:42am

Hi Rebecca,


I was just lurking today and saw your post...


If your insurance covers the RE