Decisions, decisions....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Decisions, decisions....
15
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 2:08pm

Hi Ladies -

I'm new here coming over from the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 2:27pm

Hi Ann,

I wanted to chime in because DH and I are going through something very similar. We have a beautiful (almost) 2 year old from a donor embryo cycle. I honestly don't think we could have "made" one any better. We are now getting ready to start our next cycle and have just recently chosen our donor embryos. When we looked at the list, we too had major hang-ups about characteristics. This one was too tall, or had the wrong color hair, or they were perfect but didn't have great quality embryos. In the end we decided that we were tired of waiting and ready to start the process. We are never going to find the "perfect" embryos but when it comes down to it, I really don't care what color hair our child has. Of course we want to share similar characteristics, but our goal is a

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 4:14pm

Hi Lauren -

Thanks for your response - I was just going to comment on your post to see what you all decided... DH and I are heading out of town this weekend, so we'll have time to talk about it. I am okay with not 100% perfect match because that's just not be realistic and I just want my baby. Funny how our initial "sticking" points were totally different - mine was the hair and the height, his was she was class presedent which he equates to a "bookworm/nerd" type (not that there is anything wrong with that)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2010
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 4:25pm
Ann, First off Congrats on starting this journey:) At the clinic I went to we got to choose our own donor which can be just as difficult. I found the most stressful time was choosing the donor. Twice we had donors taken by someone else because we waited 'overnight'.

Having said that, I do have bio children with my DH and NONE of my kids have my hair color. Also I am petite 5' 3" while my siblings and parents are much taller (my sister is your height). My oldest teenage daughter is already 2 inches taller then me. My point is, it is hard to say what traits will be dominant and be passed down.

This is a tough decision process but you and DH will know in your heart if this gal is right for you. When we finally chose our donor, she had only been in the database less then an hour. I called DH at work, we read her bio, family history, looked at pics, etc., and then I literally hit 'select'. The bottem line is, the gal just needs to feel right.

Best wishes and best of luck making your decision.
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2010
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 4:35pm
Ann,

One more thing, does the clinic provide her family history?? Like hair color, height etc of mom, dad, siblings, grandma, grandpa?? If not, maybe you could ask.

Just a thought..
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 5:12pm

Ann,

Some time away to talk should definitely help. DH and I started out by eliminating the ones that had a characteristic that was completely non-negotiable for us, then moved on to the details. My DH and I had the exact same sticking points are you, mine was hair his was height!

We just made it to the top of the list yesterday and selected our donor embryos. The donor couple has most of the physical traits that we are looking for and their health histories were pretty benign. The embryos are actually a result of a donor egg cycle so they are great quality. The hair, ethnicity and height are a good match for DH and I, but there were a few things that we had to compromise on. The donor male has grey eyes and my DH has hazel, but the female has brown eyes like me, so odds are brown will win out since it is dominant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 5:50pm
Hi Ann, welcome and congrats on taking this exciting step on your family building journey.

It isn't easy to realize you're going to need assistance, but as my dh told me during a moment of feeling down, he and the donorceach contributed one cell, and *I* did all the rest :)

You'll never find the "perfect" donor, but as long as you know where you're willing to compromise and where you're not, you should be able to find the "right" donor.

Want to know something funny? I have light brown hair (as a child it was dark blond but got darker with time) and it's SUPER curly. While expecting my first baby (natural conception) I was looking forward to his/her curls. Imagine my surprise when she had straight straight hair. It was strawberry blond but now is blond blond! So where did *that* come from???

Ironically, my DE daughter's hair color is closer to mine, though hers is as straight as her sisters!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, while this choice is important, in the end the "results" are unpredictable, and I wouldn't get too hung up on individual characteristics, but would go with the overall gestalt feeling you get from the donors.

One last word ... no one in my dad's family was over 5'8" .... he turned out to be 6'1" ;)

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 5:53pm

I wanted our donor to be shorter.. hubby is 6'7 and i am 5'5 and i did want both hubby and the child drawrfing me.

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 5:56pm

Lauren - YEY for picking your embryo's.

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 7:14pm

Chris,

Thanks, I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. Even though an FET is easier than a fresh cycle, I still dread the process. I'm exhausted just thinking about all the energy and emotion that's coming my way. I hope to get my calender early next week so I will know my transfer date for sure, but I'm estimating either the 3rd or 4th week in June. Fingers crossed!

Lauren

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 10:13pm
everything crossed for you!!!!!!!!

 


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