Donor backed Out !!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Donor backed Out !!!!!!
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 9:40pm

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been on BCP since our mock EEP cycle in June. We found our donor in mid July and had our two other couples for shared risk donor by mid-August. She started BCP and asked if we could wait until 10/1 to start our cycle. the last week i have been on 20 units Lupron complete w/ Lupron headaches. Tomorrow was my baseline U/S w/ ER on 10/21 and ET on either 10/24 or 26. I had moved my vacation and made arrangements to be off work.

She left a message for my nurse yesterday saying that she's "really sorry" and she hopes she's not disappointing too many people but she's changed her mind. UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!

We're stunned ! So is the nurse and the donor coordinator. She left a message and won't return my nurse's phone calls. She had gone through all pre-lim testing and psychological work ups. She's an educated girl who knew what was going on and was all gung ho to go for it....and now this. You should read in her profile how much she wanted to help an infertile couple and wanted to do it. She "had been thinking about it for a long time".....

My nurse said this is the 2nd time someone has backed out in since they've had the program. Everyone at the office is shocked...Eric was speechless when i told him. in addition, this girl screwed 2 other couples who we were splitting her eggs, I'm not trying to be bitter and I know that there's a reason for everything but just when it looks like things might go our way after all of our trials, we get knocked down AGAIN !!!!

So, it's back to the drawing board....I know God has plans for us but this is REALLY testing my faith !!!!

Thanks for letting me vent !!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 7:16am

OH Sarah sweetie, I'm am so sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 10:25am

The same thing happened to us this past summer. We selected our anonymous donor and she was "very excited" according to the clinic. Then, I week before I was supposed to begin Lupron, she suddenly stopped returning the clinic's calls. Just dropped off the face of the earth. I guess she got cold feet, but we were p*ssed! The clinic was very embarrassed, of course. They quickly lined up another donor -- a young woman with two children of her own, with the characteristics we wanted,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 11:21am

Sorry to hear that happened, esp. after you were taking the BCP and Lupron. I know those drugs are expensive. She sounds immature.

Was she an inexperienced donor? I 'm thinking they are the ones most likely to change their mind. I think experienced donors who have donated 2,3 or 4 times, are more likely to stick to it.

Its probably better if she backs out now, than having a donor that messes up the cycle in some other way and you get a BFN as a result of it. Some inexperienced donors mess up with taking their injections, or forget certain medications. That's why I don't want an inexperienced donor for myself.

Our faith is being tested right now too, because we just had a failed DE cycle and the FET failed as well. In addition to that, we've had a failed IUI, and a failed IVF (with my eggs) over the past year. Its very hard to just keep getting back up and trying again. I am overweight from all the drugs I've taken. I'm getting ready to have some more testing done. I wish I had started the DE IVF process much earlier, to be honest. I wish our RE had told us from the get-go that my only option would be DE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 11:39am
Oh no!!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 10:19pm



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 2:56pm

Hi Songbird,

I have been thinking about you today, and hope things are going better for you. I hope you find another donor soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 11:31am

Hello ladies

Betty, you are right about the older one being more mature and understanding.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 7:50pm

Sarah, honey I am so very sorry. I know you are feeling so frustrated and disappointed. But I truly believe that God has the perfect donor and the perfect baby picked out just for you and your dh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 8:16am

Thanks to all of you for your support. It's been a tough week and a half. The Tuesday after we were told she cancelled out, I sat down and wrote her a letter. I asked my nurse if she could e-mail it to her. I just told her that if she was scared or sick from the meds to talk to my nurse---she wouldn't even return phone calls. I told her how much we would love this baby and that he/she/they would be raised in a healthy home with Chrsitian values with a mom and dad that love each other so very much. I told her a little bit about ourselves and how the baby would be raised with family traditions, etc.

I waited a week and then called my nurse who had heard nothing. So, that was my closure, it had to be. It was kind of like doing the 2nd IVF after the first failed because i never want to look back and say "what if?"

We are now looking at new donors but it is hard not to compare to her. My nurse said that the other donors are having a hard time too looking at the list as this girl had such great qualifications...but hey, what looks good on paper doesn't transfer into real life.

You are right, we will find our donor....God is in control and though my patience has certainly been tried in the last 5 years, I know that He has something better for us just as He did for you ! I'm so excited for you...when is your beta ? AND 10 on ice !!!! WHOOOWEEEE !!!! This is it for you girlie ! Keep us posted and thanks so much for the prayers....

Psalm 27:14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: Wait, I say on the Lord.

God Bless !!! Take Care !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:41am
(((((hugs))))) that must be so frustrating!!

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