donor insemination

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
donor insemination
20
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 8:10pm

Hi Everyone!!! I'm new to this site and thought I would share my story. This seems like a nice way to get support. I'm single and am in the process of TTC with donor sperm. I just did my fourth IUI (1st with clomid)and really hoping that this one works for me. The insemination process hasn't been the easiest for me. It is quite painful. I've been doing research and they say on average that it takes bwt 6-8 IUIs for conception to occur. I will know next week if this last insemination worked.

Z

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 12:52pm

I really love the analogy of the blood donor. I think that sums up exactly how I feel about a sperm donor: They contribute something vital to give children life, but they aren't -- in any sense of the word -- a parent.

I am incredibly grateful to the men who donate sperm (and the women who donate their eggs or their wombs as a surrogate) but I don't want to meet the donor I choose or know anything about him other than what is in the profile. He's not a part of my life or my future child's life. It's simply a medical procedure and some DNA.

I know there are some women out there who do want to meet the donor, or even arrange some sort of open relationship or co-parenting agreement. I'm glad they have that option, but that is absolutely the last thing I want. If I were going to use a donor who would play a role in my child's life, I would use a close friend, not someone I met online.

I don't like the tone of some of the posts in this thread -- I don't think mothers should feel as though they are being coerced or badgered into pursuing this open option after they have clearly stated their desire to use an anonymous donor. Families_areforever, I'm glad you have found this fulfilling way to give of yourself to women who WANT to use a known donor rather than an anonymous donor from a bank, but please keep in mind that what is right for one person is not right for others. And although you may feel that your way has great benefits, we have thought long and hard about our decision and are happy with the benefits of our own method. This is a board for support, not a place where we should have to defend our decisions.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 9:56am
I couldn't agree more ; )
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 8:29am

Just as when we looked into adoption, one of my biggest concerns was the birth parents re-entering our lives, either wanting the baby back or to make parenting decisions or to argue with mine.

I purchased DNA to complete my child....much like I would purchase the infertility medicines to creat my eggs faster. The DNA I purchased has a description, which could all be BS, but I had to be able to weigh the pros and cons, but like the medicines the doctors wanted me on.

Clomid can cause cysts...can cause overaries to burst

Donor sperm can not be what is actually tested, you've really know way of knowing that what you ordered it was you get.

But as with a lot of the new miracles in Infertility Medicine in the last 15 years, when my husband was first diagnosed, there ARE changes.

We felt comfortbale choosing a large company, with a large database, a compnany that KNEW what they were doing. Not some new fangled fly-bnight start up company.

The gracisous people took time out their own lives, for a bit of cash, to be poked, prodded and askeda million quesions PRIOR to their depositis. Then if accepted, they had to make 60 - 100 depositis within a short period of time.

The reason these donors were accepted was because their high quality/quanity would not matter during the freeze/unfreeze process...they were still WAY above normal.

I will be forever greatful to person that took the time to share his DNA with our family.

But he is not a donor-father, or in my mind anythig different than a blood donor.

We purchased his DNA, but the same way an adoptive couple purchases and embryo thru snowflake or an infant thru regular means. They all equal babies....just didferent procument of DNA.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 9:27pm

"I would put more trust in yourself and do your own research."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 8:39pm

Well you misunderstood me. Please don't get yourself in a huff or try to censor me. The internet forums are not just for professionals. Making babies has been going on for years without the clinics incubating sperm for 6 months.

Yes, part of those donors who are not accepted are because their sperm is tested and they don't survive the freezing.

All I am saying is that the sperm banks are not doing this for love or because they care about you. They are doing this for the money, for the stockholders.

I would put more trust in yourself and do your own research.

I really don't care what people call their donors. It's simply semantics to help clarify during these discussions. I agree that the real dad has all the rights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 8:19pm

It is not 1/4 of the sperm not making it, it is at least 1/4 of potential

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 11:43am

It is nice, though, to have the option open to you to know your donor. Sometimes health issues do not manifest themselves until later in the donor's life and it is nice to know what genetic problems may have been passed down. As far as meeting the donor dad. A child sometimes needs only to have the option. I have seen adopted children fighting for their right to meet their bio parents. The more resistance they get, the more it seems to tear the family apart. I have read some books on the subject, and they seem to agree that it is good for the bio dads to tell their children at an appropriate age. But if they lie about it, the children, when they find out, will think there is something wrong with them that would cause their dad to lie all those years. They say that if he earns his right as a father, then when the time comes that the child's curiosity needs to be satisfied that they want to meet the bio dad, they will be satisfied and continue to look upon their spiritual dad as their real father...the father of their character, the man who treats their mother like a queen.

As far as sperm banks. The six month incubation is good because you do not know the donor. But if you know and trust your donor, that is not required. People have children all the time without using a clinic as the middle man. I get STD tests all the time just so people can see the results and know that I am clean. The problem with the sperm banks is you do not know if you are getting a complete health history. Sometimes these donors are young and haven't had time to have a health history. Also the health information they put down about their parents and grandparents many times is not fully checked out.

I knew a guy who was a donor when he was in medical school. He has since washed out of medical school. Knowing him has made me realize that donees need to get to know their donors.

Also, one reason that 1/4 of the sperm is not accepted by the banks is because they do not survive the freezing. Fresh is better than a vial of frozen concentrate where half of the swimmers are dead or damaged from being frozen.

The medicl industry is making billions of dollars as your middle man. Their cold clinics and databases of paid anonymous donors cannot replace the wonderful experience of a donor and donee interviewing each other, of the donor getting pictures throughout the life of this family he has helped and seeing their tears of joy.

As a donor, there is no way I would give up my rights to know where a child I help create is ending up. It is so nice to talk to the parents, to see how happy they are, to sleep at night knowing this baby is in a good home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 3:39pm

Excellent post, dentldana! I wanted to add that with an IUI all specimens must be washed first or it would induce MAJOR cramping in the woman. That should NEVER be attempted.

To the donor posting --- thank you for sharing your experiences and I appreciate you sharing your stories. It is always nice to hear another perspective. However, I am with the majority here who prefer the sperm bank route. For us, it wasn't anonomity (sp?), but rather the health of the donor and screening for disease that were critical.

*** Joiseygoil ***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:14pm

First let me commend you on being a donor.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:36pm
Thanks for the info. But I think I will stick with my sperm bank.

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