egg donor - helpful

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
egg donor - helpful
17
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:47am

Probably all agencies are telling me that "their" egg donors are doing it because they want to help people. They *want* me to get pg with their egg.

Am I being too skeptical or does this spin on donors sell more egg donors than the real spin would. The real spin being that the egg donors are doing this for easy, quick money and do not want one of their offspring out there in the world that they dont know about.

what is everyones opinion?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 9:27am

I think there are a lot of women out there who are doing it because they want to help a couple in need. I can't be an egg donor (too many health issues in my family that I wouldn't want to pass down and I can't imagine anyone would choose me) but I'm definitely considering being a surrogate someday. Not for the money at all. I know a gay couple who are currently having a baby via a surrogate (due 12/4) and have seen what an amazing experience it is for them. I'd love to give some other couple that same gift. And I know there are other egg donors and surrogates out there who are doing it for similar reasons.

I think MOST donors really do want their eggs to be used so that someone can have the family that they dream of. Yes, there are some egg donors who do it 100% for the money, but I think all of them are okay with the idea of their egg being fertilized. I think they would have to be incredibly desperate to sell their eggs if it was something they were opposed to or uncomfortable with.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 11:20am

that is interesting!! and generous of you!! I guess I agree there are alot of women out there that do it with sincerity, but as I look thru the hundreds of listings my guess is the majority of them are not-therefore, my chances of picking an altruistic donor statistically is not good.

I guess I am thinking for the vast majority, most but not all, that they are "ok" with it, or they wouldnt be doing it and yah if they werent ok with it as you said they would have to be desperate. And for the most of that vast majority, that for they would definitely prefer NOT for a pg to occur. what do others think? Of course I believe there is a minority of women out there that do it for money and to be a service to others but again, I wont know who they are and statistically I wont pick one of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 11:34am

Also, I wanted to add... keep in mind that your donor's reason for doing this isn't going to have a huge affect on your child. Since I'm planning to conceive with donor sperm, I totally understand wanting a donor who is doing it for altruistic reasons and not just a quick buck. I read personal statements and staff impressions closely looking to weed out donors who don't seem to be taking this seriously. (I think this is even common in sperm donors than egg donors because donating sperm is such an easy process compared to donating eggs.)

That said, I just do the best I can. I'll never know what was in the donor's heart since I'll never know him or speak to him. And if I'm duped by a statement of wanting to help people when really he secretly just wanted the money...I'll never know. And it's not like my child is going to turn out any differently. I'll be able to tell my child that I looked carefully to find a donor who really wanted to help someone else have a child. And it will be true, regardless of what the donor was thinking when he signed up.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 2:49pm

I understand with donor sperm that it in a way doesnt matter if done for 'good' reasons. I believe you just need to hope for good sperm for which less can go wrong for that to happen than with eggs. But it is entirely different with egg donation. Using donor eggs means the donor has to take medications by injection at certain times and correctly, so that have to be educated in that and responsible, if they skip a day you probably wouldnt even know - they would just produce less eggs! (and the skeptical side of me says they want to produce enough eggs to get paid for but no so many to ensure a pg), you obviously dont want them drinking or having sex (same with the sperm donor), stress level matters - I have been thru ivf so I know I had to keep myself in line, etc. - the process takes a couple weeks so a lot can go 'wrong' and then you have your dreamed ruined, etc. They go for monitoring appts, it is quite involved.

You can tell I am scared....this person holds a lot! I wish my eggs were better!

best of luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 8:25pm

I actually think for egg donors you are way off base...

I've a friend who did donations while I was ttc'ing with donor sperm and we talked a lot about it.

She was hugely popular in the donor catalog (healthy, 3 kids, tall, educated, ect) so she did it three times in less than two years.

She over-stimmed each time...had 20+, 30+ and 40+ eggs respectively. She couldn't work and didn't get compensated for that.

To be an egg donor, most clinics REQUIRE that you've had a healthy child, that you are a certain age, etc. Not true for all, but here in Seattle the major clinics do.

Why did she do it? She knew from us and her sister the terror of infertility...and sincerely wanted to help someone.

She was never told if there was a succesful pregnancy or birth.

And she didn't get paid that much really...$2500 maybe? To volunteer to inject yourself THAT many times for a stranger takes a wonderful, giving, blessed person.

Men? They are getting paid money to do what they would be doing anyways...LOL. I think the majority of them do it for the $$ while in college or a lot of military men do it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 2:35pm

I am really glad to hear that!! I hope I am off base for sure. That is wonderful! In my research I read that $5000 is the start of what donors get, some ASK for more (i do not understand why agencies allow them to set their own price, but they do probably to bring in more donors), one donor even midcycle up'd her fee (extortion), the ASRM quaffs at donors getting more than $10k. An agency I was referenced had costs based on if they were models, athletes, etc. I know many agencies you pay extra for certain test scores.

Again, I am not saying all donors are doing it just for the money...but my opinion is >50% are, and I have scanned many donor listings to get a feel for it. I would be lucky to choose a donor like your friend who obviously cares enough to take the medication, etc seriously.

I will talk to my fertility therapist about it this week and post her opinion, I sure hope I am wrong....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 3:11pm

Can I ask a stupid question?

Does it matter WHY they are donating? Do you think it will affect the quality of the egg?

I didn't care WHY our donor donated...I am just grateful he did. He gave us the best gift in the world, and even if his reasons were selfish, I think in the long run karma will take care of him.

I imagine his life is so blessed, with everything and more a person could want/need.

If I was hearing about donors extorting money, I'd report that clinic to the CDC...there are laws (I think) about how you can donate and what can be paid for...kind of like adoption. (I think)

Have you looked into doing a shared donor cycle? To see about saving some costs? My friend that did donor did that...I'd be happy to email her and see if she'll post here, as I know very little about egg donation and she's the only recipent I know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 6:01pm

oh thats not a stupid question, thanks for asking!! The egg donor has a lot "to do" and her cycle is coinciding with yours. Yah, it doesnt matter why she is doing it if she follows the procedures correctly and if she arrives on time to the clinic. But the more she "wants" this to work the more she will follow the protocol and be prompt. I have been thru IVF and it is quite intensive. Also, I believe with donor sperm you are getting frozen sperm so your donor cant "back out" at the last minute. With egg donors you are coinciding your cycle with them, if anything happens to them you are out lots of money, time, and emotional energy. It is scary and nerve racking.

I spoke to my fertility therapist about this , she interviews potential donors, and she said most do it for the money but most are responsible. They are interviewed, have lawyer contracts, and it is not instant money since they go on a list and have a wait and as I said it is quite intensive, time consuming, and emotional (the hormones taken). She feels in general it is safe but there are enough stories out there of irresponsible donors to warn me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 6:27pm
I hope you don't mind but this is an interesting conversation to me. I'm in Australia and we have very different laws over here. It is illegal for people to be paid for any donations like this. The down side is that there are less donors for sure. The plus side is that you are guaranteed that they are doing it for the "right" reasons as they get nothing out of it personally other than knowing they are helping people. I think I do like it that way. I have to admit that it *would* concern me to think a donor was doing it just for the money and was secretly wishing it didn't work... Not that it would affect the fact you could have a wonderful child and all that, but it would bother me. I like knowing that Mitchell's donor is obviously a caring person. Donors do get costs covered, a sperm donor gets about $25 to cover travel to and from the clinic on the day of donation. I assume an egg donor would get a bit more as their costs would be higher, but I don't really know as I haven't needed to. I think it is more common for people here to have a known egg donor, but again not *really* sure as it's not something I've been involved it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:47am
I was a recipient of donor eggs about five years ago. At the time, the therapist I was seeing, who had a long history with donor egg and sperm, told me (and provided me some articles) which said that many donors donate b/c they have either known someone who has experienced infertility or they have had an abortion (which was the case with my donor) and want a way to make amends. Probably some do it in part for the money, but it's a lot to go throught just for that.

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