egg donor - helpful

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
egg donor - helpful
17
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:47am

Probably all agencies are telling me that "their" egg donors are doing it because they want to help people. They *want* me to get pg with their egg.

Am I being too skeptical or does this spin on donors sell more egg donors than the real spin would. The real spin being that the egg donors are doing this for easy, quick money and do not want one of their offspring out there in the world that they dont know about.

what is everyones opinion?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 2:36pm

HI, I just found this board so I thought I'd post.

I am a previous 2x donor and I have talked to several donors. In my experience, it is a combination of money AND wanting to help people.

While the money is nice, we go through a lot. You have to want to help the IP"s out b/c just the money is not worth it. At one point in my first cycle, we thought we'd have to cancel the cycle. I was devastated! Cried my eyes out in the middle of the office. I wanted this to work for them so badly.

Other comments I've heard from donors are 1. She doesn't want kids so wants to help others 2. Friends/family going through infertility and they want to help in some way.

If there wasn't financial compensation, then I would only do it for friends or family. We have to inject drugs into our bodies, have probes in our vaginas, and become emotional wrecks, all to help a stranger have a baby. I have to miss work, find childcare arrangements for my daughter, and work my life around injections. I thnk it's a win, win situation. You get a baby and we get to build savings account, pay off a child's medical bill, or whatever. With my last donation, I paid off bills from when my house flooded and donated to my daughter's preschool.

I think of it kind of like working for the American Cancer Society (or something similar.) I really, really believe in the cause and want to work to find a cure but I still need to be paid b/c it IS work. Same thing with egg donation. It's work to keep everything straight and I think I should be compensated but I still want to help find a "cure."

Oh, one more thing. If the donor is really just in it for money then they probably want to cycle again for more money. That mean's thaty want you to get pregnant so they look better in the book. A previous donation that ended in a live birth looks a lot better than none.

I'm sure that some do it strictly for the money but the majority truely want to help. Even if it's starts off for money, donors quickly become invested. How could you not?

I hope I put some of your concerns to rest.

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 10:34pm
Thank you for your post Jennifer, my gosh I feel SO much better!! You are right that you do have to do a lot to go thru with it, you are an angel !! Thanks so much for your time and thoughts!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 10:28am

I just filled out paperwork to become an egg donor in St. Louis MO.

Everyone keeps talking about the donor's motivations, is this really important? Why do you need to know why I am donating as long as I am donating. I am not going to lie, the extra money does provide extra motivation. However, this is not the only reason.

Also, Why do people keep saying that the donor does not want a successful pregnancy? Why would I not want the woman to get pregnant? That is the whole point of this-for a baby to be created.

I am a grad student so the extra money is going to be very helpful, but since I am not using my eggs I am completely comfortable donating my eggs to help a coule who desperately wants a baby.

Please don't judge your donors, you don't know them and you never will so stop worrying about why they are donating and just be happy that they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 11:19am

Bravo to the previous poster in St. Louis and thank you for donating! You will be changing someone's life! As for the previous posts, it sounds like you might have more of an issue with your RE than your donor. The RE should be fully screening perspective donors and monitoring them on their meds, ultrasounds, bloodwork etc. They should offer a guarantee (mine did) if your donor does not produce viable and/or enough eggs. (I did not get charged for the cycle if the donor produced less than 4 eggs). The price should be set. If it's not and the donor is asking for more money, then you should be having an issue with your Dr. b/c they didn't do their due diligence. Are people who are experiencing this using known donors vs. anonymous donors?

As for the reasons for donating, I agree- does it matter? I see no reason why it should matter whether someone is motivated by money or by trying to "help" someone. Your baby will be no different and you are still getting a very precious gift from them. I have 1 biological son and am now 26 weeks pregnant with donor eggs. I thank god for that woman every day for giving me the chance to be a mom again- I don't care why she did it and I'm sure my son or daughter won't either. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think being motivated by money is a bad thing.....like a previous donor said, it's not that much in the big scheme of things. I think we paid our donor a total of $1250 dollars (plus her meds, labwork, ultrasounds etc) but she only pocketed $1250 from us. For everything she went through- that's a pretty small amount to put in your pocket. She gave us 23 eggs and a child.

Sorry if this is harsh but the goal of everyone on this board is to have a child. We are forced to go a route that we wouldn't normally choose and now we are questioning the motivations of people who are helping us reach our goal? I don't get it. Maybe I'm just blinded by the desire to have a child.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone to the point of I'm not sure what- but I had to put my 2 cents in there.

DD

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 1:58pm

Thank you for your reply!!!

Funny thing is I may be looking for a donor in the St. Louis area as there is a SIRM institute there!

It is SO wonderful to hear that you would want your recipient to get pg! I agree with you that money as motivation is not a good thing at all - it is a win/win!! I am so sorry if I come off in this post as judging donors, I understand how this can be interpreted that way. I am just very scared, but yes very happy that donors are donating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 12:35pm

Hi all, I am a three time egg donor in less than a year, that is because of my results i think(i will only know if a pg occurred when the babies are born. I have four kids all conceived on the first try. My motivation was a friends sister that was 40 years old, decided to wait to have children until careers were established and they were financially stable.At age 38 they started to try and came to find out that her eggs were bad. This is when i found out that a women can actually donate her eggs. I was not her donor(she lives in NY I'm in Chicago)(GO BEARS!!!!)At that point i decided that i wanted to be a donor since
I was done having kids and was still young. I really didn't know about how much the compensation was. I just saw it as an added bonus. The reason i kept on doing it is because
i kept on getting matched and i felt guilty saying no. They chose me and for these people that deal with years of infertility , i couldn't say no. So for me its giving the opportunity to experience pregnancy and have a baby. The compensation went in to college
funds for my kids. I really don't know what its like to go through what your going through,
I'm sure its scary and stressful, I just hope that my IPs do not have the same asuptions that you have, Its a gift from me and the compensation was for the shots, the moodiness the
pain(i has ohss the third time) Not for the eggs. Funny thing is that the agency just called me with a fourth match. I'm not sure what to do. Here comes my guilt.

I wish you peace with your decision.Good luck
E

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 9:03pm

You are WONDERFUL!!

thank you for taking time to reply to my thread. That is great that you feel so warmly about helping others, and that your own children's futures are also enhanced at the same time. I am feeling SO much better about this process, thanks to all of you who have helped me through my fears!

greta

Pages