Introduction - Considering DE

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Introduction - Considering DE
4
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 11:59am

Hello,
I've been lurking for a few months now. I was on the TTC your first child board for a very long time, but I can't bring myself to post there anymore since my situation has changed so much. In July I was told by my RE that with my high FSH (15) and very low anti-mullerian hormone level (.2), my best route of conceiving is through DE. Initially I was turned off by the idea and wanted to TTC au naturale, but after going through 7 months of acupuncture and 4 months of homeopathy, I'm now considering DE seriously. Finally I'm able to feel excited that this might actually happen! Of course, we have to get over the hump of finding the $$, but it seems this is the best option for my DH and me.

I have a few questions for those of you who have used DE, if you don't mind spending a few minutes responding:

1. Have any of you dealt with high FSH and have gone the DE route?
2. What is the success rate for DE in high FSH women? I'm almost 30yrs old and have never conceived in the past. I'm wondering if there is a relationship of young women w/ high FSH having more (or less) success with DE.
3. How did you decide on a donor? Anon. or known?
4. Are you telling anyone, including the child, that you're using a donor or will you keep it a secret?
5. Are you at all concerned about the outcome for the child if you go the anon. route but still tell him or her? Do you worry about how the child will feel growing up not knowing where s/he gets his/her genetic traits that don't match the father? I have read a lot about donor offspring feeling very angry about not knowing who their other biological parent is. I guess I'm just curious how everyone feels about this. I think I would personally be open about it with the child, but would feel awful if the child wants to find his/her bio mother later in life and is bitter towards me for not thinking about his/her feelings. So, that begs the question -- do I go with a known donor to allow the child to have a relationship with the bio mother?

Soooo many questions... thanks in advance to any of you who are willing to answer me. I really appreciate this board and the wealth of information it contains.

Cheers,
KT
C16 of TTC #1
High FSH
Considering DE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 10:00pm

KT,

DH and I have just started our IVF w/DE cycle. ER should be around 2/15 and ET around 2/20. Here is what I know so far:

With Donor Eggs the success is related largely to the age of the donor. Your age and FSH levels have very little to do with it. We picked a 24 YO who had donated previously with successful results. Our RE tells us we could have as high as 80% success although I think he is shooting high. He also told me that if we transferred more than one there was about an 85% chance of multiples, all related to the better quality of eggs that come from younger women. Out of all the DE IVF's my RE has done this year, I think when I saw him in August there were 8 of them, only 1 did not concieve on the first try. She did get pregnant with FET later.

Our Donor is anonymous to us. We have her picture and a bio on her that includes her family history, health history and intrests among other things. We reviewed MANY profiles, weeded some out and ranked our top 3. All three were in cycle so we moved on to another agency as we didn't want to wait (I just turned 42 last Friday). We picked the donor we settled on for several reasons but first and foremost she landed in my lap on a day I was at a very low point. A very good friend had just told me she was pregnant for the second time... it happened on a nice evening... they weren't even trying... you know the drill, something that those of us with IF issuse have never experienced... Anyway I was talking to God and asking him to give me a sign that we were progressing in the right direction with DE and when I got back to work there was this profile in my email. She had everything we were looking for and it seemed like a sign to me.

At some point we will tell the child (should we be so lucky to have success) however we have no set time to do so. Only my best best friend, my mom and one sister know we are doing this. Too many people have too many opinions I believe to bring everyone in at the beginning, and I DO NOT want anyone else 'slipping' and telling my child before I do.

As part of our process we had to see a psychologist. Her explanation was that her own eggs were broken and she had to get an egg elsewhere because she and her husband really wanted a baby. When we do tell we will make sure that what we say is age appropriate. I have read that some DE children always 'feel' they are different but never know why. I want my child to know they were loved and wanted so much that we went to great lenghts to have them. The Donor was a 'helper' in the process, but I will be the one to give the child life through my body and my blood.

One other thing I should add is that we also chose DE because of the high success rate. Since we were paying everything out of our pocket we wanted the greatest chance we could get.

If you have any other questions I will be happy to answer them as I go along. Good Luck with your decision!

Jody

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 5:31pm

I don't think FSH matters that much when you use DE. What would be of concern, is the male partner's fertility. Egg donors are usually very young and fertile, so there's usually no problem with the eggs; problems arise in DE IVFs are usually attributable to sperm - look up sperm fragmentation on google.

I am considering using DE myself. I will be keeping it a secret for a long time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:45pm

Thanks so much for your input. Your story is inspirational and helpful. It's great to hear how everyone else has landed on this train of going with DE. I still have lots to consider, and I too need to see a therapist before going forward with it. It's a crazy ride, but will be well worth it.

I wish you tons of luck and will be sending lots of good vibes for a stick transfer next month. You must be so excited to be at this point. I'm thrilled for you.

Best wishes!!

Avatar for cl_packersrnumber1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 7:13pm
Welcome to our board.

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