Just told to move to donor eggs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Just told to move to donor eggs
9
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 4:41pm

I am new to this board. I just had my 2nd IVF cancelled and was told that I should move to donor. It appears that I have diminished ovarian reserve and that my only chance would be donor. I am very sad knowing that I won't have a biological child. Even though I am not adverse to donor eggs, I just never thought I couldn't have my own with help. I have had 3 miscarriages, and have been doing fertility treatments since last May.

Has anyone been through this? How did you cope? I am having trouble coping. I am trying to get through my days, doing my normal activities (work, yoga, etc....) and I am just going through all the motions.

I guess I just needed to write this. It seems the more I write about this the better I begin feel (well at least for a little while.)

Thanks for listening and any helpful advice or your experiences would be helpful.

Kathleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:50pm

Welcome to the board Kathleen.

I did donor sperm and not donor eggs, but there are many here who have or are. It took us 6 years to have our son so I can relate to a lot of your feelings. It wasn't until the day he was born that I suddenly felt I was really back on this earth living life again. I hope that posting here has helped and if you have any questions I am sure there will be people here who have the answers. Take care and look forward to getting to know you :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 4:31pm

Kathleen,

I am new to the board as well & we are kind of in the same situation as you. We have been trying for over 4 yrs to get pregnant - 6 IUI, 1 cancelled IVF & in mid Jan 07 my doctor recommended donor eggs or adoption. Now we are waying our options - we should make a decision within the next couple weeks.

It is very stressful & depressing, but I really can't give you any advice on how to deal with it. Some days I don't even think about it all & other days all I want to do is cry. It does help a good bit to stay busy - then my mind isn't wondering about infertility all the time.

angie

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 11:23am

Thanks Angie.

I am sorry that you have to go through this too. I hope when you finally make the decision I hope it gives you peace. I find once you finally make the decisions and process it, it helps to free the mind.

Right now I am waiting for my next cycle, my doctors are going to do a "mock cycle" with me to see if they can get my lining to thicken (for some reason it won't thicken). I want to do this to see if donor is right for me. I don't want to start a donor cycle and then have them say to me that it won't work because my lining won't support implantation. So, we'll see what happens next.

Sometimes I think my place and this journey is to adopt. Who knows - I am so fickle these days so I don't want to make any major decisions until my feelins calm down.

Thanks for sharing a bit of your story - I hope it works out for you. I know we are destined to be mothers...........whatever way it happens!!

Kathleen

Avatar for cl_packersrnumber1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 6:06pm

Kathleen,


Welcome!

jhscalis@wisc.edu

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 12:19pm

Hi, I am going through the same thing now. My RE gave the speech yesterday about doing donor egg. He seems to think I have a very poor chance with my own (although I still disagree somewhat). I cried my eyes out all day, had a headache and went to bed early. I had two IVFs, the first one cancelled, the second one was a chemical pregnancy. However, DE is looking better and better to me all the time. I don't want to do ten more IVFs, spend $100K, and not have any money to put our child through college. Or, not have any money to live on during retirement. I feel it would be almost destructive for us to do unlimited IVFs. It would ruin us financially (we are middle class income). It would also wreak havoc on my health - all the shots, the drugs, etc. Perhaps DE is the best option. DE cycles have far better success rates.

Our child would have my husband's genetics and that is enough for me. I also know that even a DE cycle sometimes doesn't work out, so I'd feel grateful to get pregnant with DE. I've just had a hard time taking that "first step" towards DE. I don't know why I keep dragging my feet. I guess it is a hard thing to come to terms with. I'm still hoping for a miracle with my own eggs - it can happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 12:56pm

OMG - I thought I was talking to myself when reading your post. Thank you for replying. I am very fickle these days. Now that I am out of the treatments regarding using my own eggs, I am not sure what I want anymore. I feel so good, don't feel so much pressure. Since my doctors have finally told that my chances with my own are 5%, I don't feel that rush anymore.

I still have a lining issue where it won't thicken, so this cycle they are doing to do a mock cycle to see if my linig will thicken. If it doesn't I most likely won't go through with Donor. I mean $16,000 is a big gamble if my lining won't support implantation.

I have looked into adoption, but I feel like I keep dragging my feet. As much as I want a child, it just seems where ever I turn it is a hard process. It has taken such an emotional toll on me! Having 3 miscarriages, 1 year of fertility treatments that haven't worked and the constant disappointment. I have been in therapy trying to figure this all out and beginning to see that I don't need a pregnancy or child to define me, that I don't have to be in competition with my friends or anyone else. But I sttil get pangs of jealousy when I see mothers with babies..............why am I so fickle with my feeling?

I want it, I don't want it because it's too hard, I want it again............the cycle is endless.
Kathleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 2:10pm
I read that drinking red raspberry leaf tea helps with lining problems. Also, acupuncture. (Although acupuncture didn't do much to improve my egg quality). I am concerned about my lining, its good right now, but I am jumping on donor egg because I am worried that if my lining quality starts to deteriorate, I won't even be able to do a donor egg cycle.
Adoption can be a tough process, I know someone on a two year wait list for a Chinese girl. I'm sure its worth it in the end, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 2:19pm

I have been doing acupuncture for over a year now and it helps (mostly with sleep and stress). I have heard about the tea and drink so much of it I am in the bathroom all the time. The things you do.................

I also have other issues (elevated anticardiolipin antibodies and high homocystein levels) to deal with on top of lining issues. It's all just a lot sometimes.

I'll keep you in thoughts that donor works for you! Sometimes I wonder if I stop all together and just give my body a rest, it will work. Right now I feel so good, I am losing weight, working out more, doing yoga, acupuncture - it certainly helps with my mental state. I also just wrote to Resolve to volunteer. We'll see!

Keep in touch. e-mail me anytime if you want to talk or vent!!
Kathleen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 3:55pm
Hi,
Yes I will send you an email.
I hope the red raspberry leaf tea will help to thicken your lining. I've heard good things about it.
I've also been doing yoga classes lately. It helps me sleep well at night.