Known donor?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Known donor?
1
Thu, 08-27-2009 - 2:14am
I'm doing DI, but this also can apply to DE ladies too! Do/Did any of you know your donor personally? I ask because DH and I are hoping to use a known donor, for personal reasons. We have one chosen (a friend I've known since I was little), however we haven't asked him yet so there's no guarantee that it'll happen. But I'm curious as to other peoples' experiences with this situation. How did you bring it up? How does he (or she, if it's an egg donor) act around your child? Basically, what's it like? Is it really that different emotionally from using an open-id or anon. donor? Any info is good info. :)
Hopefully I picked the right place to ask these questions. My decisions are final so nothing you say will sway that... but I do still want to hear from those who've been there. It helps. A lot.
Thanks in advance!! :)



Jackie: 25
DH Alex: 27
Married since: 10/29/2004
TTC since: 12/2005
Read my blog: losethatsmile.blogspot.com

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VOTE on my Name List
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Thu, 08-27-2009 - 9:22pm

We went with a known donor to conceive our DD. Our DD is now 4 months old. We did not approach our donor, she brought it up and offered to help us. I had originally asked my sister who said yes, then decided she was uncomfortable with it.

She is very clear that she is NOT my DD's mother, even though they share their genetics. When we see the donor and her family it is the same as always. The donor likes holding the baby, but not overly much. She is not at all clingy or motherly or anything. When we got pregnant we did give the donor a very nice piece of jewelry as a special thanks. She has never asked to be treated any differently than we treated her before the donation.

We have decided to keep everything open, no secrets. Our DD will know that she was very much wanted and loved. She was conceived through an act of great kindness. I trust our donor and how she will handle any questions my DD would ask. She has her own children and I have a son who was conceived without any problems. She has been great with all of the kids.

I would say that you need to make sure that he your donor will handle any situations you can think of. Only you can decide if you think he will be the same friend after as he was before. After seeing how our donor behaves I am very glad things worked out with her. I think my sister would have felt awkward and it would have led to problems.

I'm happy to help answer any questions!

-Judy- me 36, DH 36, DS born 6/12/2000 and DD born 4/19/2009

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-Judy- me 36, DH 36, DS born 6/12/2000 and DD born 4/19/2009