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Avatar for trinigirl2010
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Registered: 03-26-2010
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Thu, 01-13-2011 - 4:21am

hey ladies, I have posted on this board recently but I didn't introduce myself,my name is Amanda and I am 25 my dh is 24yrs old.

Me - (Amanda 27) My dh-- 26 We have been ttc # 1 for 3yrs 5mths My dh has severe oligospermia, Ivf with icsi is our only option. Ivf # 1--- failed Ivf # 2--- failed Ivf # 3-- hopefully in March 2013 at a new clinic!

 

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 4:47pm

I'm glad you made your way over here, Amanda.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2011
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 12:26pm

My husband are using DE and our first cycle is in February.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 12:47pm
Glad you found us. 3 yeasrs after being diagnosed with premature ovarian failure, I just had our first (last week) through donor egg. It was not an easy decision and took us a year to choose to go forward with a cycle after we were told there was no hope for my eggs but I have no regrets. I can't possibly have a regret when I look over at my little baby boy - he is 100% ours.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 12:55pm
Hi Amanda -

It's always a really tough decision to make and one that takes a little time to come to terms with. After about 2 1/2 years of TTC, we were told that my DH would not be able to biologically father a child, and we were crushed. At first DH was absolutely against it - but after a pretty short time, he came around to the idea. His logic was that even though it wasn't ideal - it was the best option for us based on the hand we'd been dealt. We talked to a counselor (it was a requirement at the clinic we used) and we also just kept the lines of communication open. I'm not sure how your DH is feeling, but I know lots of men have a hard time accepting it. Letting DH have time & space to process it all really helped.

So...the great news is that after we picked a donor and did our IUI - we got pregnant on the first try! And that was just our confirmation that we had made the right decision. I'll be honest, in the beginning of the pregnancy I thought about it a lot. I worried about it, stressed about how DH would feel, etc. But as the pregnancy has gone on, I think about it less and less everyday.I barely even think about it anymore. This is OUR baby and we are both already so attached & in love with her that it makes absolutely NO DIFFERENCE anymore. We just can't wait to hold her in our arms.

You are right - you need to be 100% at ease with your decision. But try looking at it for the miracle that it is. Having the option to use a donor might be what allows you to finally experience pregnancy & parenthood.

I hope that you get a natural miracle in the meantime...but please feel free to come here for support. I know I'm glad we made the decision that we did - and I'm happy to share from our experiences.

Leslie
Leslie Finally welcomed baby Stella on 2/25/2011 after 3+ years of TTC!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 9:05pm

Hi Amanda, I was just poking around and saw your post.

Avatar for trinigirl2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 10:59am
Hey ladies thanks for responding. I'm still not sure how to feel, I go back and forth everyday. I do know that if it is our last resort I will do it. I just feel like if we do it I will be lying to everyone. My dh is an only child and his parents were crushed when the found out about his issue. I feel like if I do get pregnant with DS obviously they will think it is my dh and that feeling of hiding the truth would suck. I will not tell anybody if we use DS, I just don't want to be judged. My mom was shocked that my RE even suggested DS, I know she scorns the idea. I know it is no ones business but our families are close and we see them everyday at work and at home. I'm thinking that we should just do ivf with my dh sperm only and if that fails then do iui with DS. This way we'll have no regrets.
It does feel good to read that when the baby is here it wouldn't really matter.

Amanda

Me - (Amanda 27) My dh-- 26 We have been ttc # 1 for 3yrs 5mths My dh has severe oligospermia, Ivf with icsi is our only option. Ivf # 1--- failed Ivf # 2--- failed Ivf # 3-- hopefully in March 2013 at a new clinic!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:55am
Amanda - I'm sorry to hear that your Mom was not supportive of the idea of using DS and that you feel like you might be judged by people for that choice. I imagine that makes the decision that much harder. Perhaps your Mom will come around to the idea once she's able to process it. It's just such an "out-there" idea at first - so sometimes it just takes people a little getting used to.
We found that everyone we spoke to about it was very supportive. It's just DIFFERENT and takes people time to know how to act about it.

Although, like you said, it really is "nobodies business" - we chose to be very open about it - and we are glad we were. It's not something to feel embarrassed or ashamed of. Of course It's up to you and your DH who you tell and don't tell - but if you are worried about "hiding the truth"...remember that you don't have to hide it. It was actually liberating for us to tell people. We plan to be open about it with our daughter as well - because the bottom line is that our daughter would not be the same person if she was conceived a different way. And we wouldn't want any other baby in the world but her! She was meant to be ours - and that one moment of sperm meeting egg means so very little in the big picture.

Take your time with it and don't feel like you need to rush into a decision. I know it's hard to wait when you've already been waiting for so long for a baby...but try not to push yourself. You'll get to a point where you'll know what's right for you.

Best of luck!
Leslie Finally welcomed baby Stella on 2/25/2011 after 3+ years of TTC!
Avatar for trinigirl2010
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Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 12:29pm
Hey, I see your point about being open and honest and we plan to be that way with our children but don't think we want to extend that to our families. I am not ashamed about my dh sperm problems basically everyone knows about his issues. I think I would be more hurt for everyone to find out that our child is biologically mine only. My dh and I are one of the nine young couples in both our families, we are the only couple that has no children with the exception of one of my cousins who doesn't want children yet. I hear comments like Jayden resembles his dad or he has his dad'd eyes etc. I can't imagine ppl asking who does my son/daughter resemble. I think things like that would bug me alot.
Where I am from everyone knows everyone and I can guaratee something like this would be the talk of the town!!! In Trinidad anything out of the ordinary in considered wrong. Would you believe that I don't know anyone who is adopted? Adoption is unheard of here so you can imagine my unwillingness to divulge this kind of info. If ppl were more open minded maybe I would have told then but as of now hell no. :-) If we do choose DS I know we'll be fine, we somehow always are. Thanks for sharing!

Amanda

Me - (Amanda 27) My dh-- 26 We have been ttc # 1 for 3yrs 5mths My dh has severe oligospermia, Ivf with icsi is our only option. Ivf # 1--- failed Ivf # 2--- failed Ivf # 3-- hopefully in March 2013 at a new clinic!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 1:19pm
Amanda - Certainly sounds like a different type of situation you are in. I'm sorry that it makes this whole thing more difficult. I grew up in a very small town, so I can understand the part about everyone knowing everything about everyone else. In small communities, news sure travels fast! Certainly makes sense to try to keep some things as private as possible. I guess we are lucky to be in a community of people currently who are made up of all family types. Adopted children, foster children, step children, IVF children, same-sex parent families. I've never thought about how much easier this makes it for us - but I guess it really does.

I like your positive attitude - my DH & I often say the same thing...somehow we always manage to get through whatever it is together. It's good that you have a DH who is a good partner in all of your challenges! The IF journey can bring you closer together...I know it did for us.

Leslie
Leslie Finally welcomed baby Stella on 2/25/2011 after 3+ years of TTC!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
In reply to: trinigirl2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 1:40pm

trinigirl - i think you are taking the right approach.

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris