Open or Closed Adoption of Embryos

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Open or Closed Adoption of Embryos
2
Thu, 05-24-2012 - 4:39pm

For those of you who are using donated embryos, would you consider having an open adoption type of arrangement?  

I  just read an article from Today about a family that has this type of relationship with the donor family.  

She donated the embryos to a Virginia couple also suffering from infertility, whom she met via a website ad – on the condition that the donation be "open," and they send regular photos of any resulting child and hopefully keep in touch by e-mail and phone.

“My motherly part of me thinks that I think that I would at least want to know what happened to them, that it would hit me once in a while that I have these genetic children out there. But at least I will know that [the couple] Karolina and Oscar have them and that they’re happy, they’re OK,” says Olalde.

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/27/10517672-frozen-embryo-open-adoption-raises-hopes-questions?lite

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 3:50pm

Hi Melissa!

I would like to put my two cents in, since my husband and I are in the process of embryo adoption now. We have chosen a semi-open adoption plan right now. This means that the donating family will know us by our first names, we will know them by their first names. We will have pictures of one another, and we will decide in our contract how often we will send them updates on the child (if a child is born).

When we were first looking into embryo adoption, I thought I for sure wanted everything closed...with a possibility of the child searching out their biological parents when they were an adult. However, after much thought, research, and prayer...I found that this was a very selfish wish of mine. I was afraid that if my child knew who their biological parents were, they would want to leave us and go live with them, that we would be rejected somehow because we are not genetically related. What I really need to think about is this: What is best for my child? Do I want my child to always feel out of place? To feel as if there is always something missing? To wonder who they are and where they came from? The answer to these questions for me was No.

Now, I do not judge anyone that prefers a closed adoption, I do not judge anyone who prefers completely open...semi-open is what we feel is right for us. We want to be able to tell our child the story of how they came to be, in detail, with pictures of their genetic family....especially considering that most embryo adoption situations involve full blood siblings that are being raised by the genetic parents.

Another factor for us in our decision to choose semi-open was this...the donating family has given us the most precious gift anyone could give, they could very easily keep the embabies frozen forever, or destroy them...but they wanted to see them live, even if it meant the child(ren) being raised by someone else. How selfless is that? I cannot then deny these people the opportunity to see what their precious gift has become and help them to feel at ease about their decision by seeing that the child is happy and healthy (Lord willing).

I hope my thoughts in response to your question are clear. Thanks for the question.

Many blessings,

Kelly 

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 3:58pm
I appreciate your input, Kelly :smileyhappy: I'm glad you found a solution that works well for you, you really put a lot of thought into it.