Hmm, I'm over 40.
I think children should be told as soon as they're old enough to understand very basic concepts about reproduction. If they're told while they're young, and frequently, in a matter-of-fact way, they'll just accept it -- no big deal. We plan to tell our child that babies are made from an egg and a sperm, and sometimes the egg and sperm come from Mommy and Daddy, and sometimes they come from other grown-ups. I have info about our donor, including her photos, so we can share it with our child someday.
I think it would be traumatic to learn the truth as an adult.
I agree - that by keeping it a secret would almost suggest that there IS something to hide - like it is shameful.
We haven't told Danny yet but mostly because he's still too young to understand sperm, egg, timing, etc.
He DOES know the doctors "helped" us.
I kept a journal during ttc and his first year which I plan to give to him when he's old enough.
It is a very personal decision though...
but if you have told ONE person the chance the child will hear it second hand is possible.
I also have three sisters - only one with DNA that matches mine. She and I look NOTHING alike.
I look like my sister that was adoptedMy other sister is my ex-stepfather's daughter
It doesn't matter to me how they got to be my sisters...they just are
Just my 2 cents but the new donor we picked is very similiar to me...down to her medical history. DH and I have decided that we won't be telling our child because honestly we don't think it's neccessary. The baby will be carried by me, nurtured by us and loved by us. Biologically he/she/they (LOL!) will be our child ---genetically they won't.
As far as family history etc, my donor has very much the same as mine or my husbands (heart disease, cancer in