Questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2000
Questions
6
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 1:45pm
I have a question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: debrat_77095
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 3:34pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2000
In reply to: debrat_77095
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:07pm

Hmm, I'm over 40.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
In reply to: debrat_77095
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 5:16pm
I have been struggling with this. DH and his family think we tell the child after they are 18. In our case the DI is my BIL. Which means the family medical history is the same. BIL is healthy and has no known health issues. But everyone says it would be lying if we don't tell.
Shantel :)




















Shantel :)
DaisypathNext Anniversary Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
In reply to: debrat_77095
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 8:11pm

I think children should be told as soon as they're old enough to understand very basic concepts about reproduction. If they're told while they're young, and frequently, in a matter-of-fact way, they'll just accept it -- no big deal. We plan to tell our child that babies are made from an egg and a sperm, and sometimes the egg and sperm come from Mommy and Daddy, and sometimes they come from other grown-ups. I have info about our donor, including her photos, so we can share it with our child someday.

I think it would be traumatic to learn the truth as an adult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: debrat_77095
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 12:33pm

I agree - that by keeping it a secret would almost suggest that there IS something to hide - like it is shameful.

We haven't told Danny yet but mostly because he's still too young to understand sperm, egg, timing, etc.

He DOES know the doctors "helped" us.

I kept a journal during ttc and his first year which I plan to give to him when he's old enough.

It is a very personal decision though...

but if you have told ONE person the chance the child will hear it second hand is possible.

I also have three sisters - only one with DNA that matches mine. She and I look NOTHING alike.

I look like my sister that was adopted
My other sister is my ex-stepfather's daughter

It doesn't matter to me how they got to be my sisters...they just are

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: debrat_77095
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 9:13am

Just my 2 cents but the new donor we picked is very similiar to me...down to her medical history. DH and I have decided that we won't be telling our child because honestly we don't think it's neccessary. The baby will be carried by me, nurtured by us and loved by us. Biologically he/she/they (LOL!) will be our child ---genetically they won't.


As far as family history etc, my donor has very much the same as mine or my husbands (heart disease, cancer in