Questions about DI

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2011
Questions about DI
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 8:59am

Hello everyone, I'm a senior in college and writing my final thesis project on

Community Leader
Registered: 08-01-2002
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 6:45pm
  1. Could you talk a little bit about the reasoning behind your choice to use donor insemination (rather than, for instance, adoption or to not have children at all)?

I have always wanted a baby of my very own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 1:23pm
Hi there! Happy to help and to share our experiences.

1. Could you talk a little bit about the reasoning behind your choice to use donor insemination (rather than, for instance, adoption or to not have children at all)?
When we found out my husband could not biologically father a child - we weighed the option of adoption vs. donor insemination (we knew already that we really wanted a child one way or another). We chose donor insemination because it gave me the opportunity to experience pregnancy & childbirth. It also gave us both the ability to experience every step of the process...I thought it would help having my husband there at ultrasounds, doctor's appointments, to feel the baby kick, to watch her grow, to talk & sing to her and have all the excitement of 9 months of pregnancy..that it would give him a better opportunity to really bond with this baby as HIS even before he got a chance to hold her in his arms. For us, we also liked that we would have a little more "control" over the health of the baby than with adoption (I could make sure to eat right, get all the proper prenatal care, stay away from drugs, cigarettes, alcohol....etc)

2. What considerations went into your choice of sperm donor?
We chose our sperm donor based on several factors. The first was we chose a donor with the same ethnic background as my husband. We spent a great deal of time reviewing the family medical histories of donors - and chose one that had a very clean medical history. We also wanted a donor who had a good educational background & had some musical talent (since DH & I both are musical people).

3. Is your donor anonymous? Was his anonyminity important to you? Why/Why not?
Our donor is what is considered "open". At age 18 our daughter will have the option to make contact with the donor if she chooses. The cryobank will provide contact information and she is allowed one contact (via phone, email, etc) with the donor if she desires. His only obligation is the one contact - no more, no less. The ONLY person who will be given his information is our daughter - not us (and the donor doesn't get any info on her unless she provides it upon contact). We thought it was important to leave this option open for our child. We don't know 100% what we will do or when we will tell her that there is this option - but it left the door open for lots of possibilities. It's such a hard decision - possibly the most difficult decision of the whole process. But I liked leaving the decision up to our daughter - because she may have very strong feelings one way or another and we won't stand in her way. I know that my husband is her father 100%, but her donor is an important piece of who she is too.

4. Do you plan on telling your child about the origins of his or her conception? If so, when? If not, why not?
Yes. I covered this a little in my last answer...but yes, we will tell her from a very early age. We feel it's important that she grow up with a very strong sense of who she is and where she comes from . I've never heard of anything positive coming from having "secrets". I would guess that as early as 3 or 4 we will talk about it in age-appropriate ways (I know there are even books out there for young children that help introduce the idea).

If you have any other questions, I'm always happy to share our experience. I'm just so thankful that we had the option of donor insemination to bring our little girl into the world. Just sitting on the couch last night with my husband hearing him tell his daughter (through my belly!) that "I've never even met you, but I already love you" confirms that we did the right thing!

Leslie Finally welcomed baby Stella on 2/25/2011 after 3+ years of TTC!