Struggling with DE/not my eggs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2010
Struggling with DE/not my eggs
34
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 12:15pm

I apologize in advance if I'm the millionth person to ask this.

About me: A pixie in the city, 41, TTC#1 since May 2010, married 18 years.


Diagnosed with/surgically removed endometrioma Aug 2010. Sept IUI #1=BFN. Nov IUI #2=BFN. Uterine polyp removed Jan. 2011. Jan 2011 IVF cancelled. No response. 2nd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 1:25pm

citipixie - Sorry about your BFN. I know they are hard to take.

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2010
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 2:14pm
Hey, Pix I know I already spoke to you a little on fb about this. Like Chris, it took many failures for us (3 IVF, 6 IUI) over the course of 3 years to reach this point. My last failed cycle, I was a basket case and I knew either I needed to move forward w/o success or do de. My DH said to me "are you really going to walk away from something we have been working towards for 3 years". We spoke with a counselor first before we committed to anything.

Try not to stress about what is going to happen 15 years from now, no one can predict what our life or children will be like. All we can do is raise our children with love and compassion and hope for the best. Sure, teenagers get angry (I have 2) and you just 'deal with it' like anything else in life.

You are angry, mad, sad right now, feelings we all know too well from this journey. Take time to examine your options and then make a decision. Only you and DH can decide if this path is right for you.

BTW - No one IRL knows our situation. My extended family would not understand or be supportive. Not that I care, hell I'm way past carrying about what they think. But, we just believe it is the child's story to share or not share.

G/L with whatever you decide.



Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 2:55am
(((((hugs)))))

Deciding to use DE means giving up the chance with your own eggs, and that is a loss, and you may need more time to mourn.

I'm in a slightly different position bc 1) I'm adopted, so I definitely know that family is much much more than genetics and 2) I do have an older dd who was easily conceived, so I have that genetic connectio (in fact she is the only genetic relative I know!)

But even so it isn't always easy. We skipped own eggs bc at my age chances weren't great and we wanted to put our money where we had the best chances. In November I said I would never do ivf, and 7 months later I was deciding to do de!

What helped me the most to accept the process was realizing that, after that donated cell, I was doing all the work. My body grew the baby, I went through labor and delivery, I am breastfeeding and nourishing the child. So the idea that she isn't *my* child is, frankly, absurd. Of course she's mine!

I love my dd with all my heart and she knows I'm her mom, just look at her face light up when she sees me! I trust that she will always know I'm her mom, no matter how she was conceived.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2010
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 8:03am

I'm trying.

About me: A pixie in the city, 41, TTC#1 since May 2010, married 18 years.


Diagnosed with/surgically removed endometrioma Aug 2010. Sept IUI #1=BFN. Nov IUI #2=BFN. Uterine polyp removed Jan. 2011. Jan 2011 IVF cancelled. No response. 2nd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 9:34am

Pix - picking out a donor isn't easy.

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2010
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 10:06am

I have

About me: A pixie in the city, 41, TTC#1 since May 2010, married 18 years.


Diagnosed with/surgically removed endometrioma Aug 2010. Sept IUI #1=BFN. Nov IUI #2=BFN. Uterine polyp removed Jan. 2011. Jan 2011 IVF cancelled. No response. 2nd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 3:54pm

pixie- I'm sorry Pixie, I know this isn't easy.

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 8:24pm
Of course moving to DE isn't easy...how could it be? I didn't even get to try with my OE since I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure after we had been TTC for about 6 months. It took another year plus before I was ready to move on and 18 months, 2 clinics and $50k to have my son. He is definitely mine regardless of where that first cell came from. In fact, our donor was a few inches shorter than me, I'm 5'11", and our little gu is nearly off the height charts like I was.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2010
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 8:09am

thanks for your help and support so far everyone.

About me: A pixie in the city, 41, TTC#1 since May 2010, married 18 years.


Diagnosed with/surgically removed endometrioma Aug 2010. Sept IUI #1=BFN. Nov IUI #2=BFN. Uterine polyp removed Jan. 2011. Jan 2011 IVF cancelled. No response. 2nd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 8:45am

LOL!!!

----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

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