To tell, not the tell. That is the ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
To tell, not the tell. That is the ?
4
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 10:02am

Hi everyone,


Is anyone struggling with what to tell your family, friends, co-workers? Is anyone not on the same page with your hubby? (Does DH stand for husband? Sorry, newbie here, but that is what I have gathered).


I am so open. I've always been open about my life and I have a group of girlfriends who are the same way. We seem to tell eachother everything. My Mom and I are best friends -- she even lives next door -- and I honestly think she knows more about me than anyone. I am not a private person.


On the otherhand, DH is much more private. His family is tight knit but they don't go into specifics about things. He has friends, but they talk about sports and lawncare. :-) His family and friends know how much we want a baby and that we had a miscarriage. He did tell his Dad and sisters that we were "getting help."


So, now I think it's a difficult thing because he is a bit uncomfortable that I've been so open. I wish we had talked about the issue before. He's not angry with me, but I feel badly that I didn't consider all the angles before I told. He does understand that a support group is important to me.


I'll find out if I am pg in less than two weeks! Scary... exciting. I am not sure if he'll want to tell his friends and family right away, but I do. I guess we need to have a talk!


Is anyone else going through this?


Thanks,


Elle

With my husband since 2000. TTC since 2004. I have endo and have had 3 laps. Also have IC. One miscarriage in 2008. Completed egg donor transfer in 8-09 and waiting for results. Holding breath!


I joined this board to find more people like me, to bond, to grow, to learn, and to share.

With my husband since 2000. TTC since 2004. I have endo and have had 3 laps. Also have IC. One miscarriage in 2008. Completed fresh egg donor transfer in 8-09 and it didn't work. Had a second transfer with frozen embies week of 9-20. I joined this boar

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 11:00am

Yes, DH is "dear husband" ... there's also DD (dtr) and DS (son) etc.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 11:09am

My DH and I have been going through similar conversations.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2009
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 5:33pm

Hi Elle,


I am on the same page as you. I myself am a very open person and my husband is not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 8:31pm

Thanks so much. It's so good to know there are other people out there going through the same thing. My husband says he is glad I have such a great support system, but so few people really understand the donor process. It is my nature to share, but I am trying to respect that he wants his family to think of a pregnancy as either a result of IVF or maybe fertility drugs, but not the donor aspect. I'm not 100% sure if it is because he doesn't want our future child to find out from anyone but us or if he fears people will think we pushed science too far. When I ask he says he just would rather keep that part private, but he doesn't really have a reason. I am trying to respect that and haven't told anyone other than the initial group I confided in.


Good luck to you -- your date is coming up soon!


I am so excited about taking a pg test. I feel really positive about everything.


All the best,


Elle

With my husband since 2000. TTC since 2004. I have endo and have had 3 laps. Also have IC. One miscarriage in 2008. Completed egg donor transfer in 8-09 and waiting for results. Holding breath!


I joined this board to find more people like me, to bond, to grow, to learn, and to share.

With my husband since 2000. TTC since 2004. I have endo and have had 3 laps. Also have IC. One miscarriage in 2008. Completed fresh egg donor transfer in 8-09 and it didn't work. Had a second transfer with frozen embies week of 9-20. I joined this boar