For those with bio children as well ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
For those with bio children as well ...
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 5:08pm

I'm 17 weeks into my IVF via DE pregnancy. I'm excited, happy and concerned. We have a naturally conceived DD who's 4.5. Words can't describe my love for her. I worry that my feelings for my new child won't be as strong. I'm sure even mother's who conceive naturally have the same concerns for the 2nd child, but I fear that because Baby 2 will be via donor, it will further color my feelings for him/her (we are not finding out).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 9:06pm

I, too, have an older DD naturally conceived (now almost 5) and a DD via DE-IVF (15 months).

I did worry about how I would feel about her while I was pg, but my experience has been interesting. Currently I feel, if anything, more connected to my younger DD. I think this is a function of older DD's age and stage ("I can do it," "go away," "I'm not going to tell you" - asserting her independence) and the fact that I naturally have a closer relationship with my toddler b/c we cosleep and breastfeed. I'm sure things will even out in the end, but certainly any fears that I wouldn't be able to feel as close to her were unfounded. I don't think about her origins over much - and I find my features in hers all the time :)

It's normal to worry about it, but I don't think it's going to be a problem once your baby arrives :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2010
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 8:41am
I have bio children as well ranging from teenagers to young school. There are days that I play the 'what if' game, what if he/she doesn't look like the rest (no one knows we did DE), what if I feel differently towards him/her, etc. But then I quickly remind myself that 'this' child is a part of DH and I have been blessed to carry it.

I think these feelings you are experiencing are completely normal. I can't speak from experience yet because I haven't had the baby but try to remind yourself 'YOU' play a huge role in this baby's life as YOU are the one nourishing and giving him/her life.

(I have a friend that has bio children and an adopted child and they truly love all their kids the same)

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 12:29pm
Well, I don't have a bio child, but I do have an adopted daughter that I love more than life itself and am just about 5 wks with #2 via donor egg. I know two things: (1) Biology is absolutely not required to love your child with all of your heart (2) Concerns about you loving your second child different exist regardless of the bilogical connection. And they are valid concerns. But everyone I know that has two (or more) kiddos manages to love their second child just as much. ;-) Things will change and that is anxiety provoking, but once that baby is in your arms you will fall in love all over again!
Cheryl, Mom to 3 year old Aeryn via adoption, TTC since 2003 and finally pregnant via Donor Egg!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 8:48pm
First off let me start by saying congrats!!!! I have two older cildren from my ykung eggies now ages 23 dd and 22 ds. I also have 2 precious twi.s boy/girl age 3 via de/ivf same daxdy as older children !! The love is the same no different!! I do.t even remember that or ever even tni.k about. They ade my babies 100% just as much as my older kids. No difference whatsoever!! actually my oldest my dd 23 says I favor them and love tbem more silly girl. No worries mama l of our babies grew in our tummies we r their mommys!!! Children r agift from god. I love all mi.d sooo much and 100% equal!! Im enjoyi.g twns,more as an older mommy because my husband and I are more stable and now how to stop and enjoy and do.t stress over evetytbing. God bless be excited your soo blessed swedty!!!