When anonymity falls through...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
When anonymity falls through...
3
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:11pm

My DH was a sperm donor on one occasion, for one specific couple while he was in college. Although the arrangement was supposed to be anonymous, there was an offspring and she has now made contact. The whole situation is somewhat of a mess. I (and the biological mother) am having a much greater time dealing with it than my DH. I believe that when he made the donation and was told a child was born he was awestruck by the concept that there was a person out there who was biologically his child and he had no way of knowing anything about her. This is why he never donated again. Now that she is an adult and in contact with us he is able to get answers to a lot of questions he has had over the years. With all this information, he is feeling a lot of guilt about certain things that happened to this girl while she was growing up and how he wasn't able to be an influence in her life (until now).

I'm having a really hard time finding any place to go for support. It doesn't seem to be a situation that anyone on the street corner can identify with. Is there anyone on this board who is dealing with donor issues other than conception/choice related? If not, I'm also really curious if those considering donating or using donations have thought about these kinds of "never supposed to happen" situations... Thanks for reading

C

Avatar for cl_packersrnumber1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 3:56pm

Welcome to our board.

jhscalis@wisc.edu

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 7:38pm
It's just an idea... but you might find people in similar situations on the donor sibling registry. At least, I have read yahoo group postings there by men who have donated when they are younger, and are now struggling to deal with the children they conceived and whom they met later in life.
I'm sorry this is hard for you. I wish you luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 12:39pm

you might want to try contracting 'resolve' (national fertility organization) to see if you can find a counselor or someone to talk to.