Oh wow - the board seems to be not so hopeful today
I posted a story last night that has a lot of good advice hidden in the links and hope!
If it was ME - I would continue with the both but maybe change things up
I would do an embryo adoption instead of an infant adoption.
I am scared of infant adoptions just because it is so different than years ago when my mom got my sister.
We are doing foster care with the option to adopt this year, just waiting on our home study.
We are kind of in the same boat you are in right now, except for the financials. We are waiting to adopt our first & to have our first thru DE. I was real hesitant to persue the DE once we had a match since we are already contracted for adoption, but after much tears & discussion with my husband & family we made the leap to do both. We haven't spend quite as much $$ as you since my husband's insurance cover infertility but I am so glad we made this decision.
I do agree with the other one who said you may want to consider embryo adoption or maybe you should look into the shared risk program by Integramed. Are you familiar with it? It is a great program for IVF & if you don't have infertility coverage. Here is a link. Check it out & mention it to your doc.
To be honest I am not sure it is going to work for me either, but I had to give it a try since my husband's insurance cover 3 attempts. We are actually due for the transfer this coming week.
As for adoption we have been a signed client since June 07 & we haven't gotten a single match, but our coordinator says that is not necessary a bad sign. We are contracted for 2 years & they state that there hasn't been a family that wasn't presented with a birthmother in the 20+ years they have been in operation. Here is the the company link we are using if you want to look into them. Their prices are very reasonable & they came very highly suggested, just in case the agency you are looking at doesn't work out. We look at 15-20 agencies before we decided on Lifetime. Now don't worry if you are not in CA (where the agency is located) b/c we are in NC. They use birthmothers & adoptive families from all over the US.
I say go for both - you never really
Put a spin on it by asking if it's fair to have your adopted child be an only child when you could have given him/her a sibling. Honestly the only right answer to do what's in your heart and know that whatever you chose to do that children/children will be very, very loved.