15 betas later - crossposted everywhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
15 betas later - crossposted everywhere
8
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:20pm

After 15 betas, my ectopic pregnancy and first IVF cycle are officially over.  Tomorrow would have I would have been eleven weeks pregnant with our first child.


I am pretty ok.  Just sad, but no longer suffering the out-of-control grief, anger, and anxiety that characterized the earlier weeks of this loss.  I am also optimistic that my next IVF cycle will go well.  It wasn't as hard as I had anticipated, and according to my RE, the protocol "blew the doors off" -- for my age anyway.  It will be a couple more months before we can try again, because of the teratogenic effects of methotrexate.


Meanwhile, DH & I will be getting tattoos to memorialize our little one.  We have chosen a sillhouette of a bird -- it is flying either away or toward us, depending on how you look at it.  I'll email you the pic that inspired it, if you are interested.  This is my first tattoo, and DH's second.  His first is from his time in the military, another very painful and meaningful time in his life.


I will also settle into my new job, start running and lifting and maybe boxing again, finish another pre-requisite for my PhD, and enjoy the occasional single-malt scotch on the rocks.  I hope to be more of a presence on this board, as you girls have been the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time.  Work is cramping my style, but I'll try.


Thanks again to everyone who has provided support and even to those who have read my story in the dark of night and felt for me.  Sharing our stories is essential for healing, and I am so grateful for the opportunity.


Best wishes!
Allison


 

Me:  39 10/12.  Him: 39 4/12.  We: together 11 years, married 8,  TTC#1.
Day 3 FSH 8.9, 10.9.  Day 3 Estradiol 85, 52. (Mar & June 2008, respectively.)
SA < 1% morphology.
Started acupuncture.  Not sure if it is helping my fertility, but it helped my 15-year-old shoulder injury the first day!!! 
Finally a plan: IVF/ICSI.  OCPs 8/14-31.  Started GonalF (300) & Menopur (150) on 9/5.  Started Ganirelix on 9/11.  Ten follies!  Triggered 9/14.  Retrieval 9/16 --  12 eggs, ten fertilized.  Transferred three eight-cell embryos on 9/19.   One made it to freeze.  Beta #1 152 on 17 dpo.  Beta #2 161 on 19 dpo.  Beta #3 106.  Beta #4 129. Beta #5 134.  Beta # 6 99, Beta #7 109.  Karmen biopsy negative. It's officically ectopic.  Beta #8 140. Methotrexate on 10/15.  Beta #9 201. Beta #10 212.  Methotrexate again on 10/21.  Beta #11 140.  Beta #12 119.  Finally some progress.  Please let this end!! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:49pm
Allison,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 7:49pm

(((HUGS))) Alison I am glad things are finally resolved and the tat sounds like a good idea.

  

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:37pm

Allison,


I'm so glad things are finally resolving.

Remembering o

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 10:19pm

Allison,


(((((((HUGS))))))) The tattoo sounds beautiful.

Angela


Me 31, C 33. Together since 1994. TTC Since November 2006. Me-Low thyroid function, cystic ovaries but not PCOS C-1st SA rockstar except low morph, 2nd SA still low morph and now borderline motility....trying 3 unmonitored cycles of Femara....then it's back to the RE for me and the RE/Urologist for him


Photobucket

 

Angela

Me 32, C 34. Toge

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 9:29am

Allison,


((HUGS)) What a long and painful portion of your journey and I so sorry you had to experience that.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 11:17am

hi allison,

i'm so glad you're having some finality with this cycle. i know the grief, devastation, fear, anger are totally overwhelming. i'm glad that you have a plan, too. the only thing that helped me get over the losses was looking toward the next step (sometimes i needed to get out my calendar and just stare at my next appointment). my RE said that statistically, your odds in a 2nd cycle are higher than a 1st since they glean a lot of information from the 1st cycle. 1 RE said they sometimes think of the 1st cycle as a test cycle since they're really guessing how your body will respond. i'm also glad you're going to let yourself enjoy some things you wouldn't be able to if you were pg. i hope your new job is going well, and i look forward to seeing you on the board!

ana


TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07 (w/ fresh TESA), FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 9:22pm

Hello Allison,


I know I haven't got the chance to know you in the past since I just recently joined this message board, but I can say that I know how much you wanted your little one and your desire to nurture your baby from the very beginning.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 11:36am
(((HUGS)))

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket