Adding to the sadness... Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2009
Adding to the sadness... Sorry.
7
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 7:02pm


I had a hard day today, ladies, and need some cheering up. As many of you know, I spent a few weeks in Ghana at the beginning of this summer leading a group of my students on a study abroad trip. While I was there, I bought two little sundresses for baby girls that are in bright, pretty West African prints. I bought one for a colleague who was about to have her baby girl and one for a colleague's wife who is due this Monday. It was hard to do, but I thought it would be a sweet gesture. Well, since coming home and still not being pregnant, I've put off wrapping up the gifts. But with one of the babies now 6 weeks old and one about to be due, I knew I needed to do it. So I got some pretty pink bags with cute flowery tissue paper and packaged them up, and then I wrote cards to both the women, who frankly, I am insanely jealous of. Those little notes were so painful to me. I thought I would be pg by now and I felt so emotionally raw congratulating them on something I so strongly crave for myself. So I delivered those today and was feeling a bit better about getting that done. Then I was walking on campus and saw a very young student walking around pg as can be, and I got sad again.

So I shook that off, and went to a meeting and one of the other faculty members that I don't know well came in, with a gloriously pg belly. I got tears in my eyes. I have to brace myself for being around pg women, and since I didn't know she was pg, I wasn't ready to be in a room with a pg woman. Everyone was congratulating her and someone mentioned the baby boom in our program- the 2 women who I gave gifts to today are associated with this program, one of the other women had a baby last year, and now the newly pregnant. I felt like such an outsider, like I don't belong to one of the world's biggest clubs. I have nothing to contribute to their conversations and I have no experience that relates to theirs. It was so hard and I felt so empty when I left. I wonder what my breaking point will be, and what will happen after that? I feel so scared not knowing how this will end.

It seems a lot of us are going through a rough patch right now. I wonder if it has to do with in part with the end of another season. I sort of chunk my life up by season, and I know I've thought more than once, "maybe this season is when I will get pregnant." So now another season is over, and many of us are still looking for our BFPs.

Andrea

 

 

baby 1 

Thanks to Chrissy over at SMFB for my AMAZING siggy!

 



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May Baby

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Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 3:02pm
(((HUGS))) Andrea, I just wish I could do more than to sit here and let you know

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:46pm

Andrea - I'm so sorry you've been feeling down and have had a difficult time with your colleagues.

Tamar

TTC #1 since Feb '09 with Unexplained Infertility: SA's all ok; b/w and HSG ok; Lap Mar '10 - mild endo on outside of right tube/uterus removed but not considered eno

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:54am

((Big Hug)) I am so sorry you are down in the dumps. I feel like maybe my poor mood became contageous and I am sorry for that. Speaking as someone who just climbed out of the funk, it is hard. You try to feel better but then about 20 things happen to just beat you back down.



I am a firm believer in allowing yourself to feel sad. I don't mean wallow but let yourself feel sad. I know it sounds not helpful but for me I needed to let myself cry over the things I could not control. Hopefully the support of the wonderful women on here will help you get back into a better place. I know it helped me.

Dixie



"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella



TTC since April 2009



M/C November 2009



Metformin December 2009



Clomid #1 50mg April 2010 = no O :-(



Clomid #2 100mg May 2010 = BFN



Clomid #3 150mg July 2010 = BFN



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Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 9:57am

Andrea,

I'm hoping that today is going a little better for you than yesterday was! It's always hard to see pg women, but seeing so many in one day is certainly incredibly depressing. I'm so sorry that you have to face this!

My friend is pg and I've been working on a cross-stitch birth record for her and it is hard to motivate yourself to do these things for other people when you are so insanely jealous of them. I'm glad that you were able to wrap up the gifts and I'm sure it made you feel better when it was done and they were delivered!

I noticed that you are moving on to treatment this week and I'm sending lots of warm thoughts and baby dust your way. This fall may be your season! Keep your chin up and I hope we were able to cheer you up!

Robin



TTC #1 since Dec 2009





  • Me - 30, DH - 35

  • Endo, possible PCOS, one tube, a body that hates me!

  • February 2002 - cyst removal, left tube severed, discovered Endo

  • June 2010 - ultrasound, no mature follicles

  • July 2010 - HSG, tube partially blocked and/or twisted.

Robin

Mom to 2-year old twin boys, Dawson & Devin

TTC #3

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 9:23am
Andrea, I'm so sorry. It is sooo hard when everyone you know is getting pregnant! I can't tell you how many people I know who have had babies during the (nearly) 3 years we've been trying. It's heartbreaking. I have a coworker that started trying the first month we did and she got pg that month. She now has a 2 year old! Also, about 2 weeks after my ectopic, another coworker announced her pregnancy and is due next month...it's just not fair. I try not to let myself get worked up anymore (and fail miserably at times) but it still hurts.

-Jamie



Me 34, DH 37. TTC since November 2007. Possible miscarriage in January of 2008 (too early for BFP, but all symptoms point to miscarriage). Normal SA in Feb 2009. Later told low motility. HSG showed large (50% of uterus) fundal fibroid in Feb 2009. Hysteroscopically removed in March 2009. Tried to concieve naturally until August 2009. Repeat HSG was normal.





  • 08/09 - 01/10 6 cycles of Clomid and timed BD, all BFN

  • IUI #1, Clomid

-Jamie

Avatar for trinigirl2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 8:10pm

Hey Andrea,


Me - (Amanda 27) My dh-- 26 We have been ttc # 1 for 3yrs 5mths My dh has severe oligospermia, Ivf with icsi is our only option. Ivf # 1--- failed Ivf # 2--- failed Ivf # 3-- hopefully in March 2013 at a new clinic!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 7:43pm

Andrea,


I am sorry you had a bad day. It is never easy to look at the pg women. I get very jealous of

Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D