Another baby has arrived

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Another baby has arrived
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 10:10pm

Friends of ours just had a baby girl. This couple becoming pg and having a baby brings back somber memories for us. DH and I went to their wedding the day after we found out that our baby had died. I had been looking forward to their wedding for a long time, but neither of us felt like going to the wedding after what happened and DH really didn't want us to go. I felt bad to miss it with only one day notice that we wouldn't be there. They were good friends, but I didn't want to tell them about the m/c if we didn't go and I couldn't see giving an excuse, so we went. We managed to make it through the wedding and reception, but not without shedding tears, especially during the ceremony when they were asked if they would accept children from God. We remembered the same thing from our wedding. It was very surreal to be at their wedding and know that I was still carrying our child, but that it was no longer growing.

So, when they announced their pregnancy and now that they have a little girl, I'm reminded of all of that. They didn't find out the gender of the baby, so of course when DH found out that it was a girl, it made him feel sad (he always said he wanted girls when we started TTC and testing showed that our first baby was a girl).

Not only am I feeling the same 'happy for them, sad for us' feelings that come along, but I'm reminded of our losses and in so many ways of everything that happened around the time their wedding. And that even though it's been almost 2 years since their wedding and our first loss, we're still waiting for our little one while others seem to be moving along in life.

They invited us to a get together next weekend for both of their birthdays and to celebrate their daughter's arrival. At first, I thought it would be nice to visit, but then I realized that I don't know if I can do it. :(


Me (29), DH (30)  Photobucket since March 2006.
4/07 & 5/07 & 6/07: Clomid 50mg - All BFN
7/07: 1st RE appt
8/07 & 9/07: IUI #1 & #2 with Femara - Both BFN
10/07: IUI #3 with Femara - BFP!, m/c :(
3/08: IUI #4 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
4/08: IUI #5 with Follistim, converted to IVF #1,10 eggs, 7 fertilized ICSI, 2 transferred - BFN
6/08: IUI #5 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
7/08 to 9/08: IVF #2,10 eggs, 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 fertilized std, 2 transferred - BFN
10/08: IUI #6 with Femara & Follistim - BFP!, loss :(
11/08: IUI #7 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
1/09: New RE appt
2/09 to 3/09: IVF #3,14 eggs, 8 of 10 eggs fertilized ICSI, day 5 ET of 2 blasts - BFP!, loss :( 
DH's chromosome testing abnormal, moving forward with DS IVF instead of PGD.
8/09 to 9/09: IVF #4, chose to cancel due to drop in estrogen after 10 days of stims

Where we are now: IVF - BCPs until 10/22, Start Lupron on 10/18, U/S and E2 appt on 10/27

Photobucket     Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 10:57pm

So sorry that all of this dredges up so much pain for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 8:47am


The 'happy for them, sad for us' feelings are

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2007
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 8:59am

Aw, this sucks. It's not fair we just can't enjoy our friends joys. But I understand and don't feel bad for not wanting to join the festivities. Why put yourself through the misery. If they are good friends

Karen S

Samantha Kelly ~i~ 7/31/07

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 9:27am


I'm so sorry that all of this is bringing all the pain of your loss to the forefront again.


TTC since 6/2007. 
IVF #1 Jan 2009 - BFN
IVF# 2  April 2009 - BFN
IVF# 3 July

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 12:54pm

Grace - I'm so sorry you are having those feelings.

Me: 39, DH: 43

TTC for 5 years . 1 Ectopic PG at 8 wee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 12:54pm

Oh my sweet Grace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 1:21pm

Huge Hugs Grace! So many reminders out there, I imagine this one is especially tough given the timing and then it being a girl too.

And you know if you don't feel up for visiting, just don't go. We go through so much as it is, there really is no reason in the world to go somewhere where it will be so difficult on you both. A simple, I'm sorry we can't make it is all you need to say.

More hugs! And super baby dust for this cycle for you!



I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Fri, 10-23-2009 - 6:49pm

Grace honey I am soo sorry this is brining right back up the heartbrake you went through not to long ago BUT remember one think your pulled yourself together to attend the wedding which only happens once but her child will be there for many more years to come and sitting this one out is totally undersatndable and you do not have to go right now.

Enjoy some time with dh and just let them know you will see them soon but right now is not a good time. Your next IVF we will be pulling and praying for you as we always do know we are here and never will we judge we have been there...



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 7:02pm

Thank you everyone so much for all of your kind words and support.