Baby mouse has sent me into hysterics.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Baby mouse has sent me into hysterics.
18
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 9:36am

So, I got on facebook this morning, as I do every morning.  And there is a giant, glaring announcement from a very good friend that she is now a grandmother and cannot wait to hold her new granddaughter who was born last night.  I was never even told that they were expecting a grandchild from my friend of 15 years.


Normally, this would not be a big deal, I see this crap all the time and am generally happy for the news for these people.  But, her son is 20 years old, in the military and met the mother while stationed in Omaha for 6 weeks.  So, within that 6 weeks, they managed to fall in love, do the deed and wind up pregnant.


After receiving this news, I went to the basement to get the laundry out of the dryer, at which time, my cat ran down the stairs like a streak in front of me.  No biggie.  Well, as I'm folding laundry, I am hearing a squeeking sound and I look in the other room and the cat is just laying there.  Then, he gets up and pulls a baby mouse out from underneath the recliner.  Great, he must have found a mouse nest in the garage and now has a baby who is confused, hurt and scared out of his wits in my house!
I scooped him up with a washcloth and put it in a box.  I called my DH and had him come home to get it.  I couldn't kill it.  I know that I should have.  It will not make it if released, it is a baby.  But, my DH said he won't kill it, he'll let it go.  That didn't make me feel any better.


But, now I have been in hysterics for a half an hour.


Why can't I have a baby?  What is wrong with me?  Why does a 20 year old couple who barely know each other get to have a beautiful daughter and my husband and I who've known each other for 20 YEARS cannot?  Its not fair.  Its not fair.  Its not fair.  So, how could I kill a baby mouse?  Its a baby too.


I HATE INFERTILITY.  I hate that I have to feel like a failure every day of my life since I found out that I can't have kids b/c I can't do the one thing that every woman on the planet has a right to:  procreate.  I feel like there is weight on my chest crushing my lungs and I can't push it off of me. 
I don't know where we're going to get the $10,000 we need to do IVF again.  I don't know where we're going to get the money to pay for the birth of a child should we be so lucky to get PG as our insurance doesn't cover any maternity charges.  I don't know how we'll raise a child when I am depressed beyond clinical help at this point in my journey.


I am deathly afraid that I will never be a mom.  And I'm scared to even try again.  Why did I get chosen to be this person?  I'm not strong.  I'm an emotional wreck.  I don't want to try again and fail.  I am tired of being a failure.  I don't think I'm asking for much, but we have to move a mountain in order to get what we want.  And its making me sick that I'm not the person I'm supposed to be...I'm scared I never will be that person.  That person is called a mom.


 

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Matt 39, Faith 34  TTC since 1996.  In limbo for awhile deciding on our future plans.


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Faith (35) Matt (40)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 9:55am

I'm sooo sorry you are having these awful feeling..I'm praying for some comfort and peace for us ALL...((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))..


I am feeling the same way today:(:(:( or should I say almost everyday:(:(:(..WHY DO WE GET TO HAVE THESE DAYS IT'S BAD ENOUGH WE SEE PG WOMAN EVERYWHERE........


((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))


Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 10:00am

Oh Faith, I am so sorry sweetie.

I couldn't have killed the baby mouse either. I can't hurt a fly. Well maybe a mosquito. Anyway, I wish I could come cry with you and have you let it all out. And bring you chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of wine. Sending virtual hugs!

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 1:11pm

Faith


BIG (((HUGGSS)))


I am sorry your so down. Reading you post brought tears to my eyes I wish I could help you. I wish I lived near you so we could go for a drink or a coffee and give you a real hug. I am feeling the same way right now. This really sucks! I try to avoid anyone PG now, except my SIL. Only DH really gets it and you ladies here. On top of all the frustration

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 1:38pm

( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) So know I know what you meant on facebook. I am so sorry. I hate infertility just as you do. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!!!! And you are so strong. You have been through this journey so much longer than I have and I'm already ready to give up. I look up to you to keep going. What happened with the thing you told me about? If you don't know what I am talking about shoot me an email. I'm not so sure I am afraid to get PG as I am now to actually be a mom. I babysat my 9 month old niece and it terrified me. Long story short, her mom lost custody because she wasn't caring for her and she's not fully weaned of the boob yet, she has a horrible rash from not being cleaned, etc, etc. Why did she get to be PG if she can't care for a baby? AARRGGG We will be taking a loan against our house for my DE (if I even get to do it), and I am scared to do that, too. What if DH gets laid off again?

BTW, I wouldn't be able to kill the baby mouse either. I think we have one in our garage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 2:17pm

Faith,


I would not have been able to kill the baby mouse either:)


Reading your post brought tears to my eyes & a lump in my throat.


I think you are a very strong person even if you don't think so and I am sure most of the women here would agree with me.


I cannot even begin to imagine

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 2:37pm

(((((HUGS)))))


Faith I wish there was something brilliant and easy to say that would make this all better all at once.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 5:43pm

Big {{{Huggs}}} to you!!! IF SUX!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 7:11pm

Huge hugs Faith!





Sigs made by hubbswifey, mom2jess_n_ky, and csmith17663

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 8:32am

Thank you all ladies.


Your thoughts and feelings for me touch my heart and I know you all have days that are overwhelming for you as well.


I don't know why that just set me off yesterday, but it surely did and I was a wreck most of the day.

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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 8:39am

Hi Faith,


I soo feel your pain and it hurts theres nothing we wish more than is to become a mother. You have every right to feel any way you want and for your MIL to say that is just stright out ignorance if you ask me she's a woman she should have more sympathy for what you and her son are going through...UUGGHHH!!!


I hope you pull threw this weekend and just try to enjoy your self with your dh and i'm sooo sorry about how the baby mmouse made you feel i would have felt and done the same thing and NO NONE understand how the most littlest things can send so many emotions and thoughts through our minds that all leads back to our dreams and how we don't have it...((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))


Your always in my prayers your such a good strong woman:)


XOXO,


Michelle

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