Can't take this anymore....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Can't take this anymore....
21
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 12:57pm

No, this isn't about TTC or infertility. It is about my DH and BIL.

When DH lost his job last Jan we did ok but in September we had BIL move back in with us to help with the winter bills. My DS also moved back in with us as well. BIL is unemployed and recieves UE. He still is unemployed. He wants to wait for the perfect job. You know, the one that pays $13+ an hour. Now, DH is still unemployed as well, but with our house payment and bills, we HAVE to have a job that pays $13+ an hour, and what he gets on UE covers that. BIL does not need that kind of money. At this point I don't even care if he doesn't move out till DH goes back to work. I just am so sick of him being here 24 hrs a day. I can't do anything, I can't clean anything, and they both mess everything up. His stupid dog is stinking up the room they live in and now I will have to replace it.

Now, what is pissing me off the most is that DH isn't really doing anything about it. We fight about it all the time. He told me last night "What am I supposed to do, ride his @$$ about it?" YES!!!!!! If DS had moved in without a job and on EU and sat around for 5 months, DH would have blown a gasket. DH even admitted to this. But I am not allowed to be upset about BIL. For the record, my DS moved in with a job and moved back out in 4 months. I just don't know what to do about this anymore. I finally just told DH that if BIL took a third extention I was moving out of our room to the spare room, and if by the time I got back from my trip he was still not working I was not coming home. I would stay at my mother's.

The kicker... I am really sick and DH is being a butt about me taking a few days off work, but won't tell BIL to get a job. I mean, geez, even for now he could work at a fast food place, grocery store, anywhere, then keep looking and quit. It's going to look bad when they look at his app and it has a giant blank of about a year.

If you managed to get through this, bless your heart, and thanks for letting me rant.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 1:32pm
I had a simliar situation with my DH and his parents/brother. only they did not move in with us instead steadily over a year he had given them almost $15,000 out of our savings and when it came time to make the decision to do IVF and i thought we had the $ we did not. So I somewhat understand what your going through although luckily my in laws live 2 hours away. I hope this gets better for you it sounds like alot of un needed stress !
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:05pm

I am sorry for all of the frustations that you are going through. Sometimes hubbies and BIL can be so stubborn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:10pm

Suzie, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this stress.

~Christine~


TTC since 6/2007. 
IVF #1 Jan 2009 - BFN
IVF# 2  April 2009 - BFN
IVF# 3 July

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:27pm

Are you kidding me?!? I'm sorry he did that. DH doesn't give BIL money, and BIL does help us a little, it is just frustrating that both of them sit home all day long. DH does have another brother that bums money off of everyone. All the rest of my in-laws live 3 hrs away.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:27pm

Thanks. Yes, they are very stubborn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:37pm

Christine, I know he likes having his brother live with him. They have been living together since they were about 18ish. When DH asked me to marry him I started looking for a place for us to live. I was about to loose the place I was in, I wouldn't have been able to afford it anymore, it was Oct and the heat bill was astronomical. We were going to get married in May but DH didn't want to leave BIL. That would have left me renting an apartment for a year. Do you see the prob? I would have been a married woman living by myself in an apartment for the second half of the year. I think he is far too attached to BIL. I have never come between them, well, except when I demanded he move in with ME if he asked me to marry him. BIL ended up moving in with us and lived there for 3 yrs till we moved here, then I had 2 yrs without him. And now he is back. I don't want to live with him anymore. I feel like I married both of them. I like BIL sometimes. He has this "I am so great, I am so smart" attitude that I can't stand. But I am done living with him and if it continues, I think my marriage will suffer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:47pm
Oh my, the problem sounds long standing and you have put up with quite enough.

~Christine~


TTC since 6/2007. 
IVF #1 Jan 2009 - BFN
IVF# 2  April 2009 - BFN
IVF# 3 July

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 2:55pm

I know. The reason we were letting BIL stay was because he helps with a little of the bills. But I'm to the point where I will make up the difference with my check. I have never wanted to be one of those wives that said "Your family or me", but I think it's coming to that. I told him my ultimatum, no third extention or spare bedroom, and if he is still not working by the time I go on vacay, I will stay at my mom's, because I want to save all my extra money for the vacay. IF, and a big if, DH ends up going back to work next month, I think I am demanding BIL is booted out. You know, all this does not make a good sex life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 3:23pm

You have to stand your ground just for your own happiness.

~Christine~


TTC since 6/2007. 
IVF #1 Jan 2009 - BFN
IVF# 2  April 2009 - BFN
IVF# 3 July

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 3:38pm

Oh Suzi, I can't believe you are having to put up with this! I completely agree with Christine, DH needs a big wake up call that you are #1 priority, which it sounds like he is going to get. BIL is completely taking advantage of you, no wonder he is driving you nuts. And I just don't think it's right to have a third party living in your household when you're married. Well at least not for an extended period of time when they are nothing but a nuisance.

Many hugs! I hope it doesn't come down to you having to leave.

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/

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