Can't take this anymore....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Can't take this anymore....
21
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 12:57pm

No, this isn't about TTC or infertility. It is about my DH and BIL.

When DH lost his job last Jan we did ok but in September we had BIL move back in with us to help with the winter bills. My DS also moved back in with us as well. BIL is unemployed and recieves UE. He still is unemployed. He wants to wait for the perfect job. You know, the one that pays $13+ an hour. Now, DH is still unemployed as well, but with our house payment and bills, we HAVE to have a job that pays $13+ an hour, and what he gets on UE covers that. BIL does not need that kind of money. At this point I don't even care if he doesn't move out till DH goes back to work. I just am so sick of him being here 24 hrs a day. I can't do anything, I can't clean anything, and they both mess everything up. His stupid dog is stinking up the room they live in and now I will have to replace it.

Now, what is pissing me off the most is that DH isn't really doing anything about it. We fight about it all the time. He told me last night "What am I supposed to do, ride his @$$ about it?" YES!!!!!! If DS had moved in without a job and on EU and sat around for 5 months, DH would have blown a gasket. DH even admitted to this. But I am not allowed to be upset about BIL. For the record, my DS moved in with a job and moved back out in 4 months. I just don't know what to do about this anymore. I finally just told DH that if BIL took a third extention I was moving out of our room to the spare room, and if by the time I got back from my trip he was still not working I was not coming home. I would stay at my mother's.

The kicker... I am really sick and DH is being a butt about me taking a few days off work, but won't tell BIL to get a job. I mean, geez, even for now he could work at a fast food place, grocery store, anywhere, then keep looking and quit. It's going to look bad when they look at his app and it has a giant blank of about a year.

If you managed to get through this, bless your heart, and thanks for letting me rant.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:10pm
Too bad on the age difference, I thought we had a plan there!

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 5:47pm

LMAO!!!!! He's 27. Sounds like you are having as much fun as I am. Most of the time he is sitting in his room watching TV. But right when I'm wanting to watch a movie with DH, out he comes, it's like he has a sensor in his room when I want to watch a show with DH only. Then he has to do a running commentary during it. Not about the movie, but how dumb it is or something like that. Once I was watching a show on Egyptian Pharaohs and such, and he said anyone who believed in that was stupid. If you think it's stupid, fine, but don't call other people stupid. He almost always has to go with DH to pick me up from work. I have had people ask me does he always have to come with DH. They say it so they can save gas by going to the store together, but are they really saving all that much?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 4:25pm
I'm with you Suzi.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 4:11pm

Oh man, I'm sorry you are getting sick again. :(


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 4:01pm

Hahaha, sure! That'll be better than moving in with my mother. Love her to death, but can't live with her.

I didn't realize that my marriage would include living with BIL. I knew they were close, and it didn't bother me, and still doesn't. What bothers me is the fact they have to live together and do everything together. I even have to take BIL to my family's X-mas. How do you do this? I am at my wit's end. My sex life is just about non-existent. I can't do a home date night. You know, those kind where you snuggle up to DH, watch a movie, get a little frisky and DB spontaneously on the couch. BIL ends up parking his butt on the other couch. AARRGGGG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 3:07pm

Suzi,
I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this on top of everything else.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 2:51pm

**looking sheepishly** Yes, I am going back to the Mediterranean. My mother wanted to go so bad so she is taking me again. This time it is to Italy, Greece, Egypt and Turkey. We are going in May, 3 days after my anniv. I swear, one day I will actually go with my DH.

I think BIL's UE is running out soon, so we will see what happens. I wonder if DH thinks I am serious or not. Part of him want BIL here so we can use his car and he does give us a little money, but aren't we supposed to be struggling on our own? We have figured out exactly how much he would need to make if he can't get back on the rigs, and if I give most of my check, we don't need BIL's money. I am finally getting more hrs again, too. (sucks, though, this was the first week of more hrs and I already called in 2 days due to sickness)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 2:32pm

Suzi,


I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this extra added stress with your


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:46am

There is no doubt you've had a rough year and it is impossible to not have that have an affect on your relationship. Stress is tough! I really hope BIL and DH realize how this is affecting you and start helping out around the house, well I just hope that BIL gets OUT of your house:)

Thanks, I am feeling pretty good just tired and anxious all the time.

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:45am

Suzie,


I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this on top of everything else.


In my opinion your DH is wrong here. He should be all over your BIL about getting a job especially after 5 months.


I think you have every right to be upset that you let your BIL move in & now he is just sitting on his butt waiting for the perfect job. I also agree that your BIL could take another job until something better comes along.


It is no wonder you are sick with all the stress you have going on right now.


Big hugs!!


Nat

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