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|Thu, 03-25-2010 - 9:10am|
Sorry in advance for the enormous post, but I just needed to vent. Iâ€™ll feel better in no time, but, right now, I need to get this off my chest.
I just received a letter from the insurance company saying they wonâ€™t cover the genetic testing for DH because this is a pre-existing condition. I already knew they wouldnâ€™t cover the really expensive stuff like TESE and ICSI (for which weâ€™ll probably have to take out a loan), but I was hoping to at least have some help with this first part (which isnâ€™t so cheap either). It depresses me to think of telling DH that weâ€™re going to have to shell out hundreds of euros for this.
We donâ€™t earn a lot of money, donâ€™t own a home, hardly ever eat out or travel and itâ€™s depressing to pay so much for something you have to do. The alternative would be to try the public system, where you wait 4 to 6 months for test results and the waiting list for an ER appt. is of several years (and, after you reach 38, youâ€™re no longer eligible for ART).
I never felt the typical IF jealousy I read so much about. It genuinely doesnâ€™t bother me to be around kids or pregnant ladies in general, because itâ€™s no oneâ€™s fault weâ€™re IF. Money, on the other hand, and its unfair distribution, really upsets me, because it is someoneâ€™s fault. It pisses me off that people who could easily afford treatment donâ€™t need it and vice-versa. Iâ€™m not wishing IF on anyone, just saying it sucks even more when it happens to someone with less income.
We earn far less than most of my co-workers and their spouses. One of them is expecting her 2nd in May and is having her US today. Another brought her 5 year old to work today, dressed in the uniform of a school whose tuition costs half my net salary. Another one has 4 children all at schools of a similar cost and a live-in maid (yes, you read correctly - a Brazilian maid who lives in their backyard - and yes we are in the year 2010).
I try to stay positive and remind myself that weâ€™ve always been happy, regardless of money, but there are times when it would definitely help.
Then again, what do I know? Maybe they also went through IF and never told anyone or have other issues in their lives. Still doesnâ€™t make breaking the news to DH any easier.
Jealousy is such a pointless emotion. I hate sounding petty and judgmental, I really like my co-workers, but these thoughts just come sometimes.
Thanks for listening