Devastated. AFC 11 (I'm 29), family history of POF @ average age 32.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Devastated. AFC 11 (I'm 29), family history of POF @ average age 32.
9
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 1:05pm

Hi all - I'm having a horrible week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010

While I do not have experience with your particular situation I did want to say welcome to you. It looks like you have already gotten great advice and I am glad of that.

I just wanted to say - miracles happen every day. I know (as I do it ALL the time) that we have to be realistic and understand that there is a very big chance things will not work out for us. But miracles do happen. There are some ladies on here who are proof of that. My sister and BIL (who got pregnant on accident) actually statistically never should have gotten pregnant at all. She has PCOS and worst she has all the painful cysts that go with it (I have all the infertility from it). My BIL also has problems but they accidently got pregnant. I am not trying to say that to make us feel bad (trust me there are days I hate that they should not have been so lucky) but it also reminds me that things happen even despite the well researched facts.

The paying for it definately sucks. I guess what I think to myself is, in 10 years when I look at that money am all I am going to think is, this could be my chance for a baby? Or will I forever look at that loan negatively? I know in my heart I would want to have tried things. Hopefully you do not have to go through IVF and you get to be another check in our miracle column!

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

I know how you feel, and while I can't tell you that it gets better, I will say that you will have good days and bad days. I try to stay in the moment and know that I am doing everything I can to achieve my goal of being a mom, and let whatever happens come. Another advice I got was to try to stay "neutral" - by thinking of things that are neither positive nor negative - like grocery shopping or something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Well I Cried for a long time I also knew If the first cycle didn't work I'd have to write a check every month for something I'd never have. It's difficult and impossible to be positive all the time you're right everything to his point has stunk so think of this you're probably due for something great try to keep yourself busy in the mean time take one day and one step at a time those IUIs may work so think about those for now maybe. It may or may not make you feel better but success on the first try is very possible I was all gloom and doom my entire cycle I was mad at everyone and everything trying figure out how I would be able to deal with life paying off a baby I didn't get. But it happened for me and I know it can happen for you too I really hope you can find some comfort here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
They are good stats so that makes it a little easier for us. We still don't LIKE IVF but obviously we don't have any choice. I'm just nervous that results will be negative and we will have to pay back a loan for a failed cycle.... That would break my heart every single month. I know we should be thinking positive, but that's just not very likely. Nothing we have experienced gives us much hope, if you know what I mean.

I guess secretly (oops, cat's outta the bag now) I just want the IUI to work even though we know the sad odds. I don't know how I'm going to go into IVF after 3 failed IUIs and find a way to be confident, regardless of how much better the odds are.

What is the "trick" to staying positive when everything in this department has been a huge disappointment and heartbreaking nightmare??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Those are awesome stAts then ! I can totally understand not wanting to go through testing again and it's great your so confident in your RE that's so important when you cycle. Some Places have specific loans for fertility treatments some even have package deals. It truelly looks like you have a great chance at success with this. One thing my RE told me that made me more comfortable with IVF was that it gives anyone and everyone the best chance at having a healthy baby !
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Thank you. I really REALLY hope you're right. Because if we get a loan for IVF we can only try once. That scares the life out of me because if it's not successful, paying off that loan is gonna be mighty tough, emotionally speaking. Maybe IUI will work, who knows. I'm otherwise perfectly healthy, and 13% chance is way better than the 1% we have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

I'm so sorry! But - it looks like we had the same week!!! I had my AFC checked Wed and had 10!!! (I'm 32). DH also has sperm issues. We had 2 IUIs and moved onto IVF because we only had 5mm motile sperm on our last IUI. I freaked out abt the 10 number, but I've talked to many women who have had that amt or less and been successful w/ IVF - it's just a bit harder to figure out meds. BUT - the good thing is that at your young age, quality is likely good! My dr told me he's rather have 10 eggs from me than 20 eggs from someone 5 years older.

That said, because IUI is SO much less stressful - physically & emotionally, isn't not a bad idea to at least try one!

Good luck - this WILL happen for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2006
Thank you. Just a note re 70%. That is the pregnancy rate, but live birth rate is only 3% lower and that is in the clinic's published stats. (http://www.regionalfertilityprogram.ca/success.php).

Our doctor seems confident, and we very much trust him. He has been ey thorough, up front and honest. We haven't gotten a second opinion because we dont think we can go through that again and because we felt good about our doctor/patient experience.

Thanks for clarification on the rate vs. Embryo or c
Cycle. I wasn't sure because the clinic stats say "per live embryo transfer" which sounded like "per embryo" but that seemed like too-good-to-be-true odds!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
First of all I'm so sorry you have to face this it's one of the hardest things to go through. I don't have all the answers but I'm sure others will chime in as well. First I think giving 3 iui's a try is reasonable since the success rate is pretty low that said u never know what might happen. As for a 70% success rate that would be per cycle not embryo and that seems very high most centers will tell u that anyone that gives u more than a 50% is probably giving you a pregnancy rate not a live birth rate I was given a 50% rate with only male factor infertility being the issue and i was 24 at the Time have you seen any other REs or clinics sometimes it's not a bad idea to see a few also you can look up the success rates for your clinic according to age and diagnosis ect with the SART info I'm pretty sure every accredited clinic has to report to them. I know it's devastating to get news like this especially at a young age and although I didn't have the same situation as you I cam understand how daunting it is to face we also had to take out a loan to pay for IvF and had to ask my grandparents to co sign and had to get a loan from them to pay for meds which were another $3000 somehow it will work out it's a hard road and you'll do things you never thought you had he strength to do this board is a wonderful support Im sending you lots of luck baby dust and hopefully a miracle baby very soon