iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 9:46am

It's early morning and having a hard day already! Today I am feeling quite emotional. Yesterday a co-worker lost her baby. She was due in about 3 weeks. Her water broke and when she arrived at the hospital there was no heartbeat on the baby. Devastating news. Last year we went through the same thing when my beautiful neice Amber was born stillborn and then add my loss in November into the mix. Way to much to handle at times. All I want is to have a healthy baby to complete my family. I don't think it is to much to ask. I go to work, pay my bills like I am suppose to. I am a good wife and mother. I just want to complete my family and move on to other things in life instead of worrying if I am going to ovulate this month.

I want to beleive I am pg right now and really trying not to read into the symptoms I have right now but that is hard not to do. I worry if I get pg, is this baby going to be my miracle I have been praying the last 9 years for. Will the baby stick around to full term. I have seen so many losses in the last year that it's hard to think positive. I am still dealing with my loss and there is not a day that goes by I do not think about it. I don't think I will ever get over lossing my baby.

Last week my DH family learn our fate in November. I felt it is much easier for me to share instead of trying to hide a secret. I shared the news with my SIL who lost my neice last April. We cried together and for the first time I felt I have connected with my SIL.

I am just an emotional mess today. I am hoping its hormones and I will see my BFP next week. 1 more week to go till I learn my fate of this cycle.

Well thanks for taking the time to read this rambling mess. I hope everyone is having a good weekend.


Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2010
In reply to: ruonaka
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 12:43pm

I am sorry that you are having such an emotional day. IF definitely puts us on a emotional rollercoaster...Some days are easy, while some days feel like they will be almost impossible to make it through...

I really hope that you get your long-awaited, healthy, sticky BFP this month. I will be thinking of and praying for you, and your co-worker.

Kelly (31) DH (32) TTC Since June 2009 August 2007 - Myomectomy - removed large fibroid on back of uterus January 2010 - HSG reveals "possible" blocked left tube March 2010 - First RE visit (PCOS secondary to CAH diagnosed) April 2010 - October 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
In reply to: ruonaka
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 8:19pm

Katrina I am so sorry you are struggling. It always seems to hit us all at once. It is overwhelming to deal with.

I dread the same thing, that during an entire pregnancy (if I ever get there) I will be paranoid and then god help this kid when it comes out. I feel like I will be so high strung I won't be able to enjoy any part of it.

Sometimes I think we just need days to be emotional and cry. Kind of like a cleanser for the body. Hopefully it helped you wash some sorrow from your soul and feel refreshed. I really really hope the next post by you is about a sticky BFP!


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009