Ex-DH wants to join my church

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Ex-DH wants to join my church
7
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 10:12am

This is clearly an EX-DH vent!


Back story:  I was married to Ex-DH for 11 years - and due to IF, we got divorced.  Ex-DH just couldn't handle the stress of trying to get pg and wanted to stop.  I agreed - he spiraled into depression and told me to find another DH who would want to do the treatments that he just can't take anymore.  Since then - I got remarried to a great guy.....and ex-DH just got engaged last week to his secretary.


So, I'm okay with the engagement - I guess as much as anyone could be....I still wonder if there was something going on between them while we were married.  But that is not why I'm mad.


He emailed me that they got engaged.  And then he said that things are unbearable at his church and he wants to join my church.  (I had spoken to his mom last week and we did not discuss them leaving the church) But in his email, he made reference that his mom told him that I said it would be okay if he joined my church.


So, I'm a little mad that his mom has the story wrong...or maybe he made up the story to feel out what I'd say....Regardless, i don't want him there.  There are other churches he can attend.  (we live in the same city and sometimes run into them)  Seeing them at church would make me sick.  Knowing that she will "probably" get PG before me would make me think un-church-like thoughts and I don't need that .


I know that "a good Christian" should welcome everyone to church, so I'm a little bit feeling bad about how I feel - but again - there's other places to go.


I emailed him my response - so it will be interesting to see what he says.  I feel better writing this down - thanks for listening.

Me: 36, DH: 40


TTC for 7 seven years (5 years with ex-DH and 1 year with new and improved DH with 1 year of break), dx: unexplained, thin uterine lining (taking cialis, estrogen and progesterone for support)


2002 – Ectopic PG at 8 weeks;  2003 HSG – clear tubes; 2004 – IVF #1 – BFP, ended in m/c at 8 weeks; 2005 – IVF #2 – BFN;  2006 – Divorced; July 2008 – Remarried & Found a new RE; December 2008 – HSG again – clear tubes and DH tested very well; May 2009 – IUI #1 with clomid – BFN; June 2009 – IUI #2 with Follistim – BFN; July 2009 – IUI #3 with Follistim – BFN


Me: 39, DH: 43


TTC for 5 years . 1 Ectopic PG at 8 wee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 11:31pm

Monika, we're just now meeting and we'll probably not meet again because I'll lose this thread (hey, it's how I roll), but, after reading your message, I have a few thoughts.


First, I've been in your shoes, and I understand your pain, resentment and sorrow, albeit, covered up with a happy face.


Second, I don't know about your church, but, mine is AWESOME! We focus on relationship as opposed to religion. I just love it that way! Please know that regardless of yours, you x-husbands, his new chick's faults, God loves you all the same; regardless of your faults. (Thank God for Jesus).


Hold your chin up high because good things will come to you. I know it's hard, but be thankful that you x also knows God. If he don't, that will be his bag in the end. Until then, it's not for anyone to judge.


I wish you peace, love, joy and a calmness so serene you know you are protected. Been there babe, and you are more than welcome to email me if you want to talk.

Rands

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 9:43am
Good, I hope he got the message straight!

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:04am

I'm glad you were able to get out your feelings to ex-H and I really hope with you that his response means that he's respecting your feelings and will find another church.



Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 4:57pm

I got a response from him that said....


Okay, sorry for the misunderstanding.



Me: 39, DH: 43


TTC for 5 years . 1 Ectopic PG at 8 wee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 3:22pm

Kelly - Love the Friends reference, LOL!! Gosh I miss that show:)


Monica - I don't blame you for being upset. Why on earth does he need to go to the church you go to.


Does he enjoy awkward moments like the ones that would occur when you guys bump into each other there?


There is definitely something up with his mom getting the story twisted.


I hope he finds another church to go to with "little miss new boobs".


((Hugs)) to you:)


Nat

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 1:53pm

I'm sorry Monica, I can see how that would make you mad and how it would be make you uncomfortable


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 10:46am

Oh boy! I wouldn't be happy about that either.

Does your church have several mass times? Maybe you could suggest that he and "little miss new boobs" (sorry it's a Friends reference in case you haven't seen it, I refer to all new wives as this:) attend a different mass time so that no one has to feel uncomfortable by bumping into each other.

Weird that his mother got that story twisted, or that he twisted it to make it easier on himself? Very weird.

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/