Frustrated

Well, I won't leave you hanging here with the honesty....and I'll do you one better. All the recent BFPs don't just sting for me, I've been outright crying. You know, the usual pity party....why can't it be me? Will it ever be my turn? Will I ever have a child? I am truly happy for, particularly, each IF gal that gets pregnant and has a baby, and, so, my emotions aren't directed at them...but the emotions of sadness and anger are there all the same. How could they not be? iF is just a nightmare we all feel trapped in and just want out of....and not one thing about it makes sense. When I got my BFP, the other gals were not having great cycles....so I knew, of course, while they were happy for me, they were sad for themselves. Rightfully so. For Heather I imagine it was even more difficult because we were so close together in our ivf cycles. And now just look at how it has changed....I miscarried and hopefully Heather will go on to deliver from a natural pregnancy! I just hate IF so much, and while I have to be honest and say it does hurt that it's not me, too, I want woman after woman to beat it! This is such a hard forum to be a part of....at any given time, there will be those who are pregnant and relatively happy (but scared, too) and then there will be some who are, yet again, grieving. I hope all with the recent good news will finally go on to deliver their long awaited babies....I already dread that there will probably be one or more who don't. We all know that sadness, too well, and only experience it again when it happens to one of us. I really hate that...I'd much rather see the good news than the sad and worrisome updates. Katrina, also, in the spirit of being honest....you should know how jealous I am of you! I wish I had so many little frozen ones waiting for me...I know already that I would much rather do fet than a fresh ivf. Also, I wish I was younger, like you, and didn't have time weighing so heavily on my mind! As far as spotting, though I am just a week past D&C, I think I can relate....I spotted some to begin with....then didn't....and now I am again. It's....irritating. I'm so glad to hear you are focusing on yourself and your health...and not because it's about a baby, but because it's important for you!! As for a bit more about me, as I alluded to before crying about all the new BPFs, I am not completely in a zen place....I still have, quite a few, moments of IF pain....but, there is a side of me now that had been completely consumed before, that is coming back....the side that realizes that I love my life and I am happy. I don't know what will ultimately happen....if my DH and I will ever have kids together....we have just so much going against us, but....I hope I'm finally recognizing and moving past being pretty much literally obsessed with having a baby. I feel more relaxed and calm. It's...a better place to move forward from, for sure. Anyway, just know that you are not alone....I'm also feeling this very deeply and I know all the other ladies understand, too! I hope we will be toasting to your success real soon! Do follow up on the spotting issue...it's better to be safe than sorry...and I hope you can get your body ready for some baby nestling as soon as possible!