Having a poor me moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Having a poor me moment
9
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 12:16am

Well my sister had her baby today well Nov 5th.  His name is Jacob Jeffery.  Part of me is just sooo happy for her but the other part of me aches for me.  This TTC stuff was suppose to be easy and I should have popped out a kid by now.  Doug and I are going to be GREAT parents why do we have to wait sooo long.  I should be thinking about the blessing of my nephew but all I can think about right now is WHY ME?  WHY ME?  Why do I have to continue to wait for this life changing moment of having a child.  I want my life to change for forever because I just had a child.  I never thought my little sister would beat me to this.  I also expected to have a huge belly by now because our IVF was suppose to work.  I had my one little perfect embie, why didn't my embie stick?  WHY WHY WHY!!!  I wish you were all here with me so I would have shoulders to cry on.  DH is great but he is male (it is just different for him). 


Ok, I need to sleep I have to go to work tomorrow. 

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http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1fb3c7


 


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TTC TTC #1 since June 2006, Me 28 & DH 29, IVF #1 ICSI and AH ~ BFN, IVF #2 Jan, DX ~ DOR not POF, TTC w/ the assitance of Traditional Chinese Medicine  "To get through the hardest Journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping." ~Chinese ProverbPhotobucketPhotobucket



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 7:42am

*HUGS* Susan! Everyone deserves their "why me" moments. We all know that you're happy to have your new nephew, but your family

Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 8:04am
(((((HUGS))))))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 8:49am
((((((HUGS)))))) Susan.

 

Angela

Me 32, C 34. Toge

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 9:58am
Oh my Sweet Susan... I wish I could be there too to offer a real life sholder to cry on and a hug.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 11:56am

Big {{{HUGS}}} Susan. When my niece was born in August, I had a hard time, too. I cried and cried in the hospital as I stood outside my little sister's room. It is just soooo hard. I know it isn't about who does it first, but she got pregnant on her first try and had such an easy pregnancy. It took me almost 2 years to get pregnant with A&M and then I lost them. I know it isn't about fair either, but it's not fair!!! I can reassure you that the jealous feelings...while they won't entirely go away, are totally separate from my love for my adorable little niece. She's just an amazing little person and even though she isn't mine, I love her like she is.

Big Big Hugs, I know how hard it is :(
Reba

Remembering o

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 1:34pm

oh susan,

(((((HUGS))))) of course you're happy for your sister, but of course it's SO HARD for you. i know that aching longing all too well. my therapist says that for some women, getting pg is as much a need as breathing is. we've all been holding our breath for a long time. your pain is real and true and yes, you can also be happy for your sister even though it's so hard. you can (virtually) cry on my shoulder any time!

ana


TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07 (w/ fresh TESA), FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 4:41pm
Thank you all for your kind words and HUGS!!! Have a great weekend I will talk to you all on SUNDAY!!!
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 8:26am

Susan, those moments SUCK. But they are so totally natural in this situation, that is for sure, even if you're mostly very happy for your sister.

I will admit, it's a nightmare of mine that one of my siblings will get PG with their fiances before we do - my sister is getting married next fall, and my brother probably spring 2010 (they only just got engaged 2 weeks ago). I know they wouldn't purposely get PG before getting married, but stuff happens, you know? I just hope we get PG first, since heck, I'm older, I have already been widowed young, and remarried for over a year now to my husband who will be the big 4-0 next year. Not to mention having started fertility stuff, not just "having fun with it" as we all wish it could be given IF. It's our turn, darn it!

I keep hoping that the big issue with my part of my sister's wedding is fitting into a dress I don't look like a house in post-baby, and getting a good babysitter for the day. Or at least, that I'm a number of months pregnant... we'll see what happens. I have 10 days until my beta, my first "real" one. All I can do is wait!

Anyway, I am sure you will bond with your nephew, and are happy he is here. And I really hope that you get PG with a little cousin for him very, very soon. Your feelings are so normal, do your best not

Hang in there.

--KJ

KJ (32) & DH (39) PCOS Dx 3/04, confirmed 6/08 Off BCP since 12/07; irregular cycles (42-96 days long) Ovulated right off pill 1/08, but likely no O since (possible unsuitable O?)


(8/08): Clomid 100mg round; NO O; Cannot take Clomid again due to visual s/e


(10/08): Follistim 75; MANY follicles developing all at once after a week; RE suggests converting cycle to IVF.

Mom to Silas Walker, born July 2009, thanks to IVF. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 2:04pm
Thank you KJ....I have my fingers and toes crossed for you and your up coming beta!!

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