How am I going to get through Christmas? Any help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
How am I going to get through Christmas? Any help?
5
Mon, 12-06-2010 - 11:29pm

Can anyone give me any tips? It's been awhile since I've posted on here I think so just a little history up until now. Me: 31, DH: 34. TTC going on 4 years now I think, 5 without BC. I think I've lost count! Found out 2 years ago DH has non-obstructive azoospermia and low T. Have tried HCG injections for a year but still 0 sperm. Insurance will not cover the HCG inj. any longer and we decided not to continue to pay $450/mo for them. Our only option is a biopsy to attempt to have a biological child. Due to cost issues we are going to proceed with IUI with donor sperm in the spring and maybe in a few years try the biopsy and IVF for one together if anything is found. Overall, I think I have held up ok... I still have my moments where I just break down or get angry. So, here is my dilemma with Christmas.... No one in my DH family knows about our fertility issues. DH doesn't want them to know because no one in his family has any fertility problems. We have also elected not to tell them we will have to do donor sperm because they may not be open to it. For Thanksgiving we went to my SIL house. Her BIL and his wife were there with their baby and 3 year old. I saw the baby and had to excuse myself to the bathroom to cry. I tend to do that around babies even though I love them. Well, I made it through Thanksgiving, couldn't have been happier to leave. Christmas is supposed to be at our house. Two days ago my SIL called and asked if her BIL and his wife and kids could come. It totally caught me off guard and I said yes. I felt like if I said no I would seem like this horrible person plus I didn't want to explain why I would be saying no. Now I am in panic mode. I am actually praying to get sick so no one will come over. I was looking forward to Christmas being at my house this year and I know I'm not supposed to turn anyone away on Christmas but now I am dreading it! There is no escaping a baby in my own home, I can't just leave when I've had enough. Honestly, I'm not sure I can handle it. Every year we say we will be pregnant by Christmas and it hasn't happened. What do I do? I know it isn't their fault I turn into a basket case whenever I see a baby or pregnant women. My niece and nephew are older and I can handle older kids, just not babies. Does anyone have any ideas to help me get through this? I don't want to spend the next 3 weeks worrying about it but I know I will. Thanks.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009

Oh Laura,

I'm so sorry to hear the dilemma you're in- you're in a rough spot.

Finally pregnant after 3 yrs of ttc and 3 losses. Lilypie Pregnancy tickers EDD: 9/18/11
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010

Oh Laura I am sorry you are now faced with this problem. It is so hard around the holidays. My sister and niece are coming down with my parents after Christmas and I know it is going to be hard. Is there anyone who will be at your house around the holidays that know? I know for myself last year when only my sister knew she would help redirect awkward conversations and it was nice to know there was someone else there to distract me from the pain.

I agree maybe you could make an issue over not having enough room. That might work too.

Hopefully you can come up with something and still have a wonderful holiday.

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008

Thanks to both of you for responding! It will all be my DH's family. Both of my parent's are deceased and my brother does know. However, he doesn't like my DH and when I made the mistake of telling him, he told me the infertility meant that God didn't think DH and I were supposed to be together and that is why he is not allowing us to have a baby. For obvious reasons, he is not invited. For the first few years, DH family was always asking us when we were going to have children. SIL kept saying she wanted to be an aunt and MIL started buying baby clothes for some reason. We mentioned in the beginning

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010

I am sorry about your family. It is hard to go through this struggle alone. I have only told my parents and sister and I am dreading seeing my extended family in the new year.

I do not think you have to baby proof your house at all. The people bringing the baby will just need to focus on not letting it get hurt. My sister has an almost one year old and she never ever asks me to do anything different with my house when she comes. She just watches her daughter and makes sure she does not get into anything. If you are concerned about the tree tell your SIL to tell her family you don't have any baby gates to go around the tree. If they are concerned by that then they should bring the gates themselves. My sister never asks me to buy a high chair when she brings her daughter, she knows I would not have it and certainly does not expect me to bring it. I think if they are coming to visit they should bring their own things. You certainly would not be expected to buy them diapers so I do not think you should have to buy a baby gate!

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008

Big (((HUGS))).