How am I going to get through Christmas? Any help?
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|Mon, 12-06-2010 - 11:29pm|
Can anyone give me any tips? It's been awhile since I've posted on here I think so just a little history up until now. Me: 31, DH: 34. TTC going on 4 years now I think, 5 without BC. I think I've lost count! Found out 2 years ago DH has non-obstructive azoospermia and low T. Have tried HCG injections for a year but still 0 sperm. Insurance will not cover the HCG inj. any longer and we decided not to continue to pay $450/mo for them. Our only option is a biopsy to attempt to have a biological child. Due to cost issues we are going to proceed with IUI with donor sperm in the spring and maybe in a few years try the biopsy and IVF for one together if anything is found. Overall, I think I have held up ok... I still have my moments where I just break down or get angry. So, here is my dilemma with Christmas.... No one in my DH family knows about our fertility issues. DH doesn't want them to know because no one in his family has any fertility problems. We have also elected not to tell them we will have to do donor sperm because they may not be open to it. For Thanksgiving we went to my SIL house. Her BIL and his wife were there with their baby and 3 year old. I saw the baby and had to excuse myself to the bathroom to cry. I tend to do that around babies even though I love them. Well, I made it through Thanksgiving, couldn't have been happier to leave. Christmas is supposed to be at our house. Two days ago my SIL called and asked if her BIL and his wife and kids could come. It totally caught me off guard and I said yes. I felt like if I said no I would seem like this horrible person plus I didn't want to explain why I would be saying no. Now I am in panic mode. I am actually praying to get sick so no one will come over. I was looking forward to Christmas being at my house this year and I know I'm not supposed to turn anyone away on Christmas but now I am dreading it! There is no escaping a baby in my own home, I can't just leave when I've had enough. Honestly, I'm not sure I can handle it. Every year we say we will be pregnant by Christmas and it hasn't happened. What do I do? I know it isn't their fault I turn into a basket case whenever I see a baby or pregnant women. My niece and nephew are older and I can handle older kids, just not babies. Does anyone have any ideas to help me get through this? I don't want to spend the next 3 weeks worrying about it but I know I will. Thanks.