I got my hopes up again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
I got my hopes up again...
11
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 1:32pm

So I got my hopes up again.  I kept telling myself that I wouldn't get excited about TTC again because I knew that it probably wouldn't work, but here I am again, crying because AF showed up.  I know better than to get excited because AF is a little late.  Today is CD1, and this was the longest cycle I have had.  It went for 32 days, and last night I had to fight with myself not to go buy a test.  I woke up last night at about 2 am, and sure enough AF had come. 


I really tried not to get excited about being late, but you all know how that is.  I still got that hmmmm...I am late, and there is a weird mucousy thing going on....maybe I am finally done waiting....maybe it is my turn.  I really do know better.  I am sick of all of this.  I am sick of the cramps, and being sad, and having my period every single month.  Darnit, I would be a good mom, and I deserve it too.  Why can't it be my turn yet.   


I'm sorry that I am rambling, I just got so disappointed when AF showed up today.  I will be OK, I just need to be sad until 3:00 when my nieces get off the bus and start poking and pinching me, they never fail to make me feel better.  Seeing the look on Gracie's face when she sees that I am off work and can play with her, always makes me smile.  So I will be sad until 3, and then I will prepare myself for another month of waiting to O, checking CM, OPK, and BDing.  The only part I am really looking forward to is the BDing, lol.   


Thanks for listening to my pity party. 

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:) Jessica.  Thank you Susan for the beautiful siggy!


 


Jessica 30/ Paul 31/ 4 years TTC, 1 miscarriage, 3 cycles of 50 MG Clomid, 3 cycles of 100 mg Clomid.  2 unsuccessful IUI's with 100 and 150 mg Clomid.  Still hoping for our miracle.


 



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 1:52pm
Crummy-

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 2:02pm

Hi Jessica,


((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

Angela

Me 32, C 34. Toge

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 2:07pm

Awwwww Jess

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 3:19pm

hi jessica,


i'm so sorry. this is so hard. and even though you try not to get your hopes up, of course they are. you have to have some hope to do this stuff. when i got AF last week, even though i was trying not to hope, seeing it (and it came on much more suddenly than usual, CD1 was first day of bleeding) shocked me a little. you're not having a pity party or anything. month after month is so hard, and we all understand. be good to yourself, take care of yourself. i allowed myself to have some caffeine the day AF came. wouldn't have been able to if i was pg.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 4:35pm

Oh Jessica...that sucks. What I have learned in my 4 year TTC journey is that I have to allow myself to be sad and frustrated at times, it helps with the healing process. Big <<<<>>>> to you...and hey BDing is fun! Go buy a sexy little outfit, light some candles, put on some mood music and pretend your on your honeymoon!


Please don't think I'm making light of AF, I know how bad it sucks and how much I hate my period and my body

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 4:40pm
Booo AF... Jessica you weren't the only one getting excited.
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 6:47pm

Thank you all so much!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 7:09pm

*hugs* Jessica. AF really gives herself a bad rep, huh? She's so unfair! She causes our emotional states to be so fragile as it is and then she goes and screws with us girls who are TTC! Just not fair!


Have yourself the best dang pity party you can drum up. Need a margarita to go with the ice cream? lol :D

Erin & Ryan Sig
Erin &amp; Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 8:43pm
Aw Jessica, I'm sorry to hear AF showed :(
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:18pm
So sorry to hear the witch showed up Jessica. Big {{{HUGS}}}- hopefully you can get some rest and relaxation in the next few days. That's so sweet about your dad giving you a big hug, and good to hear your mom is being supportive right now.

autumnstroll.jpg picture by mlaspinall31




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