I had a bad day...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2009
I had a bad day...
9
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:30pm


As I get closer to O and more concerned about my partner's travel schedule, I've felt myself getting emotional about TTC again. I went to work feeling tired and stressed from a busy week, and feeling TTC anxiety. I ran into one of the grad students in my department who is an absolutely sweet, kind woman. She has a ten month old, so I asked how the baby is doing. She answered and then said, "well what about you? It's time for you to have a baby!" She has no idea I've been TTC or that I have infertility issues, so of course she thought it was just a friendly question. For some reason, it cut me to my core (you know, the core in which my malfunctioning woman parts reside?!) and it took everything in my power not to cry. I did get tears in my eyes but just told her maybe someday. Then I went to my office, closed the door, cried, then had to head off to a meeting.

I'm not at all upset with the graduate student, I just feel so sad that I'm not pg or a mother yet, and my happiness that the surgeon was able to fix my tubes has been replaced with lots of fears- what if the repair work doesn't hold? What if that was just one problem of many? What if my partner is never home when I O (timing worked out in previous cycles, but of course now I know it was all in vain since I never had a shot of getting pg then)? What if I get the BFP to be followed by an ectopic diagnosis, since I am high risk for that? What if I just never get a BFP? I think her question caught me off guard and brought those fears to the surface.

So I had a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better. I also hope pray wish for an early O so I have a shot this cycle.

Sorry, so many of you have been at this so much longer with much more difficult diagnoses and horrible losses, so I feel bad whining, but gosh, it really felt like a long, sad day.

Andrea

 

 

baby 1 

Thanks to Chrissy over at SMFB for my AMAZING siggy!

 

Lilypie Maternity tickers


May Baby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 12:18am

Just because you are new to this does not mean you aren't entitled to whine.
I am sorry you had a bad day. I also have fears like you do. I'm afraid I will miscarry, it could be ectopic. I am also so afraid of my baby dying of SIDS, as that has already happened to me. I am afraid I will never get pregnant, too. Sometimes I feel like I have no reason to whine because I do already have a child and most women here do not. We are here for you to whine to, vent to and cry to.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 8:27am

Andrea,


So sorry that you had a bad day.

Heather

TTC since 2007, IUI #1 April 2010 BFN, IUI#2 May 2010 BFN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 11:42am

IKWYM - It is so frustrating that it just takes one person to say something and it just taints the whole day.

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 11:55am

I am so sorry you had a bad day. Sending you big hugs in hopes your weekend is better. I know what you mean by feeling guilty for whining. I am young (24) and I always feel bad complaining because most people would tell me just wait Im still so young.


I think it is nice to be able to come here and get some stuff off your chest. I know more then once in my short time here I have done that and while it does fix the bad day that already happened it gives me a better chance for tomorrow not to be so bad.


Here is to hoping you have a much happier weekend!!



Dixie


M/C November 2009


Metformin December 2009


Clomid #1 April 2010




Edited 4/17/2010 11:56 am ET by southerngirl1014

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 5:30pm

Andrea, I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 11:00am

I know I am a few days late but wanted to say I'm sorry you were having such a bad day on Friday. Sometimes innocent comments or questions can really hit us hard. A similar situation happened to me last year on Mother's Day. We were in church and the priest had everyone who was a mother stand up, that felt like a punch in the gut by itself, but then a guy sitting behind me leaned up to me and said something to the effect of "what? not even a cat at home or something you can say you are a mother to?". Well, I lost it, started bawling right there in my seat. DH didn't even know what happened he just figured I was upset because it was mother's day and the whole standing up thing. Ugh it sucked. Anyway, cry and vent when you need to, it is necessary sometimes!

I hope you had a better weekend and better week to come!

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 11:08am

Oh my goodness Kelly, what a horrible comment by that guy!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 11:24am

Kelly, I agree with Grace- what a weird and rude thing for that guy to say! I was having dinner last night with some friends who also had IF issues before they conceived after a year and a half of trying. I told them what happened on Friday, and the guy friend said, "you know, I wouldn't say things about pregnancy, parenthood, etc even before we went through our struggle- why do people think they should make comments like that?" I can't believe a person you didn't know said that to you!

AFM- I had a nice, relaxing week-end and got over my bad mood. I've replaced it with optimism about this cycle, although I don't think timing will be all that great. I am tired of feeling stressed and down about it, so will use this week to think positive thoughts!

Thank you everyone, for your encouragement. Those low points are so hard and it is nice to feel supported!

Andrea

Lilypie Maternity tickers


May Baby

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 11:48am
I'm glad you are feeling better after the weekend and less stressed!

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/