insensitivity

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
insensitivity
12
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:29pm
i got a card in the mail from my SIL. you open it up, and there is a toilet (complete with flushing sound!) and it tells you to flush your worries down the toilet. at first i was shocked that she would trivialize IF to the point of thinking it's a worry that can be flushed away. then i started thinking a little more literally, and realized that in fact i flush my hopes down the toilet every time i bleed (sorry if that's TMI...). DH reacted the way i did, in fact he was more upset about it than i was at first. i don't know what it is, but around the issue of IF, it seems that many people do not know how to be sensitive (or even behave somewhat appropriately). anyway, i just felt like i had to share this experience with you ladies, and also wanted to ask how you would react and respond to SIL...any suggestions?

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9!

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:33pm

Ooooh my goodness. I probably would have been violently angry!!! I don't blame you for being upset AT ALL...maybe SHE found it funny, but I ask...has SHE ever suffered from IF? Does she have any idea how heartbreaking this is? If not, then she can take her card and...oh nevermind.


Sorry for all the angry posts today...I have ALOT of vent up anger today! Heading to the gym now..so maybe more cheerful posts later! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:41pm
i actually got myself all fired up when i was at the gym this morning...i just kept thinking about that stupid card. maybe she thinks that by being nice and supportive my IF will "rub off" on her (although she has 2 kids and no plans for more). seems to me that we're treated like lepers by other women who act like their fertility is an accomplishment and they're so virtuous. as you can tell, it's a ranting day for me, too! LOL

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9!

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:55pm

Rant away Ana.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:08pm
I AGREE!!! DH and I are a family all on our own, with our pug and cat. Who the heck decided that a family means there are children involved!? DH had to deal with that kind of discrimination a few months ago. He works FT at Starbucks and PT at a radio station, and his manager at Starbucks kept giving him closing shifts EVERY DAY. So basically, I would sit alone in the house and putter around all night from 2pm - midnight. The excuse? "Well, Marcus, you don't have a family to worry about being home for at night". WTF?!?!?! Finally, he complained to the district manager who told DH's manager she has to rotate shifts. Whatever.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:27pm
i had trouble watching the conventions because of all the talk about "our children's futures" and (what felt like) flaunting the women's ability to procreate. dh and i also talk about how we're a family. i totally understand the angry and sad at the same time thing. it's so sad to be dealing with IF, the longing and the heartbreak. and there are many things to get angry about!

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9!

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:29pm
as if those of us without kids are to be punished, and those who have kids gets rewarded. i'm so sick of people asking me if i have kids, and me pretending that it's not something i'm interested in right now.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9!

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:34pm
Ana, I am so sorry you got a card like that.
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 7:14am
I think you should confront and say something along the lines of "I know you meant well, but it made me more sad than amused" and explain why. People really don't get it and I'm sorry this happened to you.

TTC a little over a year; Dx: Suspected hormonal imbalance, short luteal phase. But mostly unexplained. DH is normal. IUI #1 with 100mg Clomid, progesterone suppositories
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 9:42am

Ana- Flush your worries down the toilet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 12:18pm
Should have added that to the list of things to buy with our lottery money on the Top 5 list

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

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