LIST: What NOT to do @ work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
LIST: What NOT to do @ work!
24
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 12:02pm

Background: I work at an educational company aimed at young children.  So, we have a more kid-oriented atmosphere than a lot of places.  And so I feel like those with IF aren't really allowed to express any frustration about insensitivity regarding pregnancy/parental status in the workplace.  So that's the first thing.


There is a big meeting going on at work yesterday and today (I did a lot of work helping to set up, but wasn't invited despite trying to move into a more interesting set of work, but that's a separate story).  The woman who is mainly running it is a co-worker of mine who I usually really like, but I find myself big time resenting in the last week.  She has been kind of short and a little condescending in the last couple of days to me since I've been stuck in this support role when I wish I were in the meeting instead.  On top of that, she is 8 months pregnant, walks around rubbing her belly constantly, etc.  Fortunately I don't see her often - she usually works remotely, and we have a very friendly work relationship (I told her we were having trouble TTC, and she has been very sympathetic, since they didn't get pregnant immediately, although I don't think they needed treatments).  But I have just flat out had it with doing crappy stuff for this meeting and then not even being able to sit in on it, her being far less nice/considerate as usual, walking around constantly rubbing her belly, etc.  I have no patience left, at all, to enable me to be polite if my buttons get pushed any more.


And, it's made FAR WORSE by the fact that I had dropped on me yesterday morning that in light of the MANY follicles developing all at once with a low dose of Follistim, we may be converting this cycle to IVF for next week!  I absolutely did not expect that AT ALL, so it's kind of a shock, and I'm running to catch up in trying to learn more about what will happen, figure out how I will get the time from work, etc.  So the baby thing is just on my mind big time even more than usual, and I can't get away from it at any turn!


Hence, I thought it might help to have a list of stuff people SHOULD NOT do at work re: possible people around them who could have fertility problems.  (As you can tell, this is an issue in my workplace.)  Please, add your suggestions to the list!


- Put up HUGE, conspicuous pictures of their kids in common/semi-common areas (i.e. office door, wall next to office door, half the outside side of the cube, etc... on your desk is fine, whatever, just not in common space!).   Ditto for putting other random people's birth announcements out on open surfaces for no apparent reason.  I walk down some corridors at work, and it's like having other people's good fortune shoved in my face at every turn, especially on days when I'm angry and trying not to cry about the IF stuff.


- If you're pregnant, especially at work, DO NOT GO AROUND RUBBING YOUR BELLY CONSTANTLY!  It's like, "Ooooh, look how beautifully pregnant I am, don't you wish you were pregnant too?!"


- When you're pregnant at work, particulary around a co-worker (i.e. me) you know is having trouble TTC, DO NOT comment whenever you're eating about how the baby likes the food, or doesn't like the food, while rubbing your belly.  (It's just shoving it in everyone's face that you're pregnant, you have a baby growing inside you, etc.)


Please add to the list from your experiences!


--KJ



KJ (32) & DH (39) PCOS Dx 3/04, confirmed 6/08 Off BCP since 12/07; irregular cycles (42-96 days long) Ovulated right off pill 1/08, but likely no O since (possible unsuitable O?) 8/08: Clomid 100mg round; NO O; Cannot take Clomid again due to visual s/e 10/08: Follistim 75 (after Provera to start AF); waiting to see if I get some good follicles.


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Edited 10/7/2008 3:57 pm ET by julybug07
Mom to Silas Walker, born July 2009, thanks to IVF. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 12:54pm
How about the famous " My DH just has to look at me and I get pregnant"? Or "It's so easy to get pg". These didn't happen at work but my BIL was showing me and DH pictures of his ultrasound and saying aren't you jealous that I'm having a baby? YES!!!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 1:26pm

Here's one...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 2:40pm

oh kj, i'm so sorry you have to work in those conditions! i find it totally traumatic to see friends pg, even though i'm happy for them. my therapist says that some women feel like they're totally superior, like having sex (to get pg) isn't easy or anything. i would add to your list:


-do not ask your coworkers if/when they're planning to have kids, or worse, tell them they should be starting now or that they're missing out on something wonderful.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 5:42pm
great post!!!!!...the one that used to get me soooooo upset was "just relax & It'll happen naturally".....& then all the TTC stories of their "friends"...UGH!!!!!
Photobucket Lisa

IVF #1 May 08=BFN


IVF #2 July 08=BFP, early miscarriage


IVF #3 Sept 08= BFP, 1 perfect little heartbeat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 7:21pm
This pregnant girl at work keeps telling me "you know, you really should do this!" Big no-no.

Photobucket34 years old, Dh is 38; DX - hormonal irregularities; did 3 Clomid-IUI cycles- #1 BFN; #2 chemical pregnancy; #3 BFP but lost it immediately. Now doing acupuncture and herbs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 8:37pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 8:42pm
Thought of another one.
Do Not tell an older woman TTC ( I am 39) "you better hurry, you don't have much time left". Thanks, like I didn't already figure that one out on my own. My sil has said this to me before.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 2:03pm

Hi, I'm a new lurker on this board so I hope you don't mind me jumping in!

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 2:11pm
Welcome to the board!!! The ladies here are great and are here for the good times and the bad. Wish we could all get to know each other for a different reason though.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 2:24pm
Thank you, and I agree I wish none of us had to be in this boat!
Kelly


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