The next steps...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
The next steps...
15
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 2:29pm

Hello ladies,

Here's a brief update/vent:

I have one DD who will be 1 year very shortly.  She was concieved after more than 3 years of infertility treatments, all leading up to an unsuccessful IVF.  We got pg naturally the month after the failed IVF.  Just lucky for a change, I guess. Maybe something shook loose.  Unexplained infertility is a crappy answer for "Why can't I get pregnant?"  and "Why do I keep having miscarriages?" Not that there are ever good answers for those questions.

I had hoped to be expecting #2 at this point but my recovery from DD's birth was very long and very painful and I am still having problems with pain.  (TMI alert for further reading!)  My OB has basically said there's nothing more he can do, after more than 18 weeks of me taking Diflucan to try and get rid of the persistant yeast infection that has been plaguing me since the baby was born.  I remember being stitched up after the episiotemy and crying because it hurt so much and he was saying that he'd frozen it and it shouldn't hurt.  I think there was already something wrong, then.  Looking back at the horrifically painful and VERY long recovery I really wish I'd had a C-Section.  I can't imagine that the recovery would have been nearly so difficult. It was more than 6 months before I could even try BD again. 

The OB prescribed numbing cream to make BD bearable for me.  I came home and had a good cry.  It's been so long since I could comfortably be with my husband and we are both suffering for it, although he's been very patient and kind.  Feeling nothing is, I suppose, somewhat preferable to the pain but how does that make BD any fun for me? 

I have an appointment next week with our RE and I am going to ask his advice about what to do, even though my OB seems to think it's fine for us to start trying again.   I don't know whether to start trying or to get another opinion from another OB.  Hoping the RE can give us some insight. 

Once we've figured things out, we'd like to try naturally for a couple of cycles and then if it doesn't work we'll do a FET since we had 2 embryos frozen as a result of the IVF in 2010.  My DH can't find a job in his field and is going back to school this fall so I'll be the breadwinner for the next number of years.  It will be difficult for me with him away a few nights a week, looking after our one year old and working more than full time to pay the bills.  The only reason we're trying for #2 is that it took so long to have #1 and I'll be 35 next year... it certainly isn't going to get any easier in a few years when DH finishes school.  Right now I'm hoping for another natural miracle since getting the FET is $1000 we don't really have to spend right now.   

We both really want another child.  I really want to have more than one more if it's at all possible for us.  I just wish things were a bit brighter financially and emotionally for me.  The stress of going back to work and knowing that every penny I make is already spoken for is really hard.  I've always had a little be extra to put away for emergencies etc. and now I don't.  Scary.   

Just wanted to get it off my chest to people who I KNOW won't say "Just be happy for what you have!" and "You can't afford it now, anyway."  Like 4 years from now will be easier or better with student debt and me getting close to 40.  Okay - done venting now.   

 

 

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 8:34pm

That's funny - we call it baby jail too.  Meron gets mad when we put her there but sometimes it's necessary to get dinner on the table or go to the bathroom.  We don't have a very baby-proof house so we have to keep her corraled for the most part or be there keeping an eye on her constantly.  She's a real runner now and giggles and runs away when we try to catch her.  So funny. 

Loved her birthday cake this past week ... I am enjoying the growing up but I also miss the little itty bitty baby moments a bit now and then.  She's so toothy now I miss the gummy grins. 

Heather

 

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 4:53am
I know what you mean. I love these new phases but miss the fact the others are over. I actually cried as we took down the baby swing. While I know we can try again and there is a chance we could get pregnant on our own. There is also the very real possibility it would never happen for us again. I dont know if we will try as hard for our second as we did for our first. We have a miracle and so sadly our small funds now have to go to her best interest not just our wants. So I could never have another baby in that swing and it made me sad.
However I am studying to be a lactation consultant and let me just tell you holding newborns is SO weird lol.

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 9:21pm

That's so funny about the newborns!  I went to see my friend last week and was holding her little girl (2 weeks old).  I find holding newborns weird, too, because our LO was NEVER that little (9lb2.9oz)!!  I'm glad, though, because she slept through the night sooner and was a good eater from day one.  I had access to lactation consultants but they all gave me different suggestions and I ended up using a plastic nipple shield to prevent the cracking and bleeding.  No fun at all!!  I gave up bf after about 4 months, although I wish I'd been able to keep it up longer.  It would have been cheaper than formula!

 

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 7:13am
Ugh thats a shame you didnt get better help. However yay for making it 4 months. My daughter is and was little. Its just so hard to remember that part.

Dixie

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

TTC since April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 2:49pm

That is very true.  I can't believe she's already walking, talking and feeding herself now.  I kind of  miss the quiet cuddle time.  The into everything stage is getting a bit frustrating but hopefully our continued efforts to childproof effectively will keep her out of trouble. 

H. 

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

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