not able to cope with PG friends/family!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
not able to cope with PG friends/family!
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:15pm

I don't know if I am just incredibly self-centred and selfish or if it is normal to find it incredibly difficult to deal with the pregnancies of friends and families.

I can't stop getting weepy every time someone else makes an announcement. Each 'wonderful news' moment feels like a pile drive.

I am now in my early thirties. My own school and university friends all seem to have had kids years ago. Now it is younger siblings, cousins, colleagues and friends who are pregnant.

I can't cope with the weekly photo updates of growing bumps, the daily staffroom discussion about kids and babies, or the 'wonderful news' phone calls and e-mails.

I am feeling so isolated. The only think women my age seem to talk about is babies and kids. I feel like there is this essential club I will never belong to. I cannot join in the conversation, and they seem unable to discuss anything else.

Every month, when my period comes yet again, I have to manage to pull myself together and get myself to work - inevitably, it seems that I run straight into a PG colleague swapping stories with other mums.

I sobbed after hanging up the phone when my younger brother announced they were PG. My husband found me crying and accused me of being selfish - but I just couldn't cope with another reinforcement of my failings. They are now due this week and I am at an absolute low.

Even when friends and family know some of the struggles we are going through, I can't help but feel a complete lack of sensitivity. I have been isolating myself more and more from everyone.

My husband and I went for a spa break this past weekend, hoping for some couple time and some quiet. We were surrounded by families with babies and young kids. I wanted to scream.

Is it normal for me to feel this way? When I try to detach from my emotions, I know I must seem like a really selfish person.

Does anyone else find it really hard to cope with other people's pregnancies? Does anyone have coping strategies that help them deal with this?


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 7:03pm

First, I think we have to distinguish what it is we're feeling when we have these feelings of negativity over another woman's pregnancy.

KayLa (36)... so many fertility issues betweeen DH and I. Diagnosed with Hashimoto's.
TTC naturally since June 2009
IVF #1 November 2010...BFP....early M/C
FET #1 April 2011...BFP...beta 10, 29, 460.
Heartbeat seen via u/s.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2010
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 4:01am
I am new to the message boards, but I feel your pain too. Its so hard being around pregnant people that are pregnant at the drop of a hat. I am having difficulty dealing also. The only thing that has seemed to help a little is talking with my girlfriends. They have kids but seem to understand or atleast listen to me. Whether it is me griping, crying, or mad, sometimes just
***TTC since 2005. *In fertility treatments since 2007. *Clomid tx's X 4 with 3 of them BFN and 1 that I had 2 false BFP's before the official BFN. * 2009- IUI X3 with all 3 BFN's. *2010- 2 IVF's with both BFN's. * Taking break to pay off IVF bills unti
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 9:45am

I can completely relate to the issues with co-workers being pregnant. My department at of a total of about 40 people 6 are pregnant or recently had their baby. I have heard nothing for the last year about babies and groans and moans. There were days I had to leave work because I was so upset and sick to my stomach. They have a board with all the pictures and due dates of the babies. It is really hard to digest. I know it is not their fault I feel this way and I want to be happy for them but I can't.

For me I aviod them as much as I can. Looking at them is a constant reminder of what I do not have. I wish I could tell you there is an easy way to deal with pregnant co-workers but I have not found it yet. I just keep telling myself that 1 day it will be me and with every ache I will enjoy it more and it will mean more to me knowing the struggles I went through.

I wish you the best and know that all of us are hear for support.

Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2002
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 8:01pm
I totally understand...a good friend of mine is PG (we started trying at around the same time).

TTC #1 October/November 2009

BFP December 14th, 2009 :)