OMG I am SO ANGRY

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
OMG I am SO ANGRY
8
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 2:47pm

I'm totally turning into someone I don't even recognize anymore.


AF is playing hide and go seek with me and its driving me crazy.  I tested and got a BFN so I know that she is on her way, its CD29 and my cycles are like clockwork.  I just want her to show up so that I can freakin' move on.  The anniversary of my miscarriage is only 2 weeks away, its been a year.


I'm so angry.  I'm mad that I am still "broken" a year later.  Esp since the BFP was a surprise natural BFP.  I thought I could do it again.  I'm mad that every person I provide 1:1 support gets pregnant and I don't.  I'm mad that just about every person who had a loss around the same time I did is now expecting.  I'm mad that my family is emotionally unavailable and act like they don't care about what I am going through.  I'm mad that I'm 31 and all my peers have families.  I'm mad that the second I log into my FB page I'm greeted with pics of my friends belly (4th pregnancy, each pregnancy by a different man).  I seriously want to throw myself onto the ground and have a good old fashioned fuss-fit like a 2 year old.


 

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Me(31) DH(39)  TTC #1 since 9/2006. TTC with unexplained infertility and MFI.  With RE since 12/07 but only started pursuing treatments since 6/09.  1st ever +HPT on 1/8/09, beta confirms pg 1/12/09 but M/C 1/13/09.  Oct 2009 Clomid100mg/IUI cycle=BFN.  This cycle:  still delayed...somethings always up in the air. 


http://sunflower4478.blogspot.com/

Liz- Mom to Jacob, born 2/4/11. IF and Miscarriage survivor. Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 1:47pm

You are not being punished.

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 12:39pm

Thanks Heather.


I find myself staring down pregnant women or women with babies alot....trying to figure out what makes all of them more deserving of having a child then me.

Liz- Mom to Jacob, born 2/4/11. IF and Miscarriage survivor. Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 10:40am

Oh my dear!

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2009
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 1:42pm

I feel you, I lost my baby at 12 weeks last April and I thought for sure I would be PG again by now.

Me(32), DH(34) TTC since July 2008.  Dx PCOS

January 2009:  letrozole, HCG, timed BD BFP, M/C 12 weeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 11:52am
Liz,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 8:37am

I just wanted to send {{hugs}} and tell you to be gentle with yourself as the anniversary of your loss approaches.

Remembering o

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 7:49am
Hugs Liz! Go on and have yourself a good old-fashioned fit here! We all totally understand. I am so sorry about all that you are feeling and going through.

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 3:56am
I'm so sorry:( I know what you mean though, I am 33 and pretty much all of my friends have families or are expecting/had their first recently. I live on an Army post and I am surrounded by families everywhere I go, lol. Sometimes having a tantrum like a 2 year old is a great thing. It lets me release all those tears and frustrations and anger and just get it over with.
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